It's a lot more complicated than you think

[boomvang]

You go along fine for a while, you and her, and then after a while the shine starts to rub off. Which could mean the relationship is maturing or it could mean it's wearing out. Well, how do you know which??? So, while you're trying to remain optimistic about the one that you think you love even though there are times when you aren't sure she's all that into you, well lo and behold some sweetie starts grinning at you in the hall near the copier. And you're thinking, well heck, I'm tempted to toss my hook in this new pond because I think the old one is getting stagnant, but is it really? Maybe the old love is just having some extra hormone activity? Or is she about to dump you? She may be grinning at some new hairy-legged dude near the copier in her office. Should I do a preemptive strike? What if I scrap the best thing I have? My goodness! Who designed this system? This is worse than Microsoft.

[RayKay]

Love is about loving the other even when it is not "shiny" and caring about how THEIR happiness too, not just about the rush of being admired and winked at....

 

I am not saying that it is wise to stay in something unhealthy no matter what, but I am saying that if you throw away something not so new anymore because someone else is making you tingle (like your partner did initially) you are going to find yourself repeating the same pattern over and over and never really knowing what real love is all about.

 

Love is not about attacking one another or making "pre-emptive strikes". It is about trusting one another, and caring about one another.

 

Maybe she is no longer all that into you...but is that all on her, or have you not also had something to do with the negativities too? Have you tried just loving her more...not smothering her, but just genuinely loving her...to see what kind of return on that investment you get?

 

 

If after focusing your efforts on you as a couple, you are still miserable, then it is time to move forward...but it is selfish to think that getting with someone else is the best solution to the issue, or going to fix anything in the long run....and it would be a terrible hurt to her. Love is also about saying "I am going to stop looking for someone else"!!!

[Dako]

Depends on how much you care for your partner, doesn't it?

 

You may need to fall off and trim the jib to stay on course.

[Batya33]

Hard (impossible?) to enhance what RayKay said although I heard the bars of a lovely Carly Simon song bemoaning her friend's constant string of new shiny boys . .. but yes there will always be someone "better" - a newer model, more intelligent, prettier, thinner, more pleasingly plump, blonder or otherwise -but love is not about a group of attributes- sure those are what attracted us in the first place and what we enjoy day to day - love is loving the person and when you love the person as a whole you might notice Ms. Smarter or Funnier or Prettier but the love plus the bond, the foundation is what makes that just a glance, if that and not something to dwell on.

[boomvang]

Raykay, you look like Frances McDormand, and I bet you sound like her too (this is a good thing). To quote Cher: "I love her awful." But I don't want to end up like a remora hanging on unnoticed, you know? Listen, I'm 49 years old and still don't have a clue about women. Guys, it don't get better.

[boomvang]

Depends on how much you care for your partner, doesn't it?

 

You may need to fall off and trim the jib to stay on course.

 

wooohooo a fellow sailor. Frankly, I'm thinking about heaving to and rigging church.

[boomvang]

Hard (impossible?) to enhance what RayKay said although I heard the bars of a lovely Carly Simon song bemoaning her friend's constant string of new shiny boys . .. but yes there will always be someone "better" - a newer model, more intelligent, prettier, thinner, more pleasingly plump, blonder or otherwise -but love is not about a group of attributes- sure those are what attracted us in the first place and what we enjoy day to day - love is loving the person and when you love the person as a whole you might notice Ms. Smarter or Funnier or Prettier but the love plus the bond, the foundation is what makes that just a glance, if that and not something to dwell on.

 

If I wasn't such a pig that would have brought a tear to my eye. Very thoughtful.

[heloladies21]

I didn't know what I was doing with girls until about a year ago. Then I started making all these realizations and now I'm very confident that I can have a successful relationship as I please (once I get the girl which is a whole different story). You just have to be open to the idea of learning how this is done.