How long will he wait before calling?

[Ellie24]

Last weekend, I went on a great date. I didn't know it was a date at first, we had been studying together for a few weeks and that day we were just supposed to study and I was going to crash on his couch since he lived way closer to school. He ended up taking me out to dinner and we walked around his neighborhood. After that, while we were watching tv, he put his arm around me and we kissed a little bit. He was very affectionate and sweet after we finally .. showed our interest in each other. I ended up sleeping in his bed instead of his couch and we made out a little bit until I stopped it and we went to sleep. We also joked around a bit about how we should study together more often.

 

The next morning, he acted very platonic and he hardly talked to me in class. He hardly talked to anyone in class that day though, so maybe he was tired. He seemed to avoid eye contact when we were working together in groups and acted really indifferent. Maybe I'm reading too much into this because he hardly ever talked to me during class anyway.

 

Now it's Wednesday, and I'm wondering if he will call. How long to guys typically wait to call a girl after a 'first date'?

 

I think I really like him but I'm afraid i blew it by letting things get too far the first night. Any advice?

[Batya33]

To me, it's a date when he calls in advance with a plan or a suggestion for a plan. It sounds like he ended up buying you dinner which is nice and then you hooked up. So he might have the impression that the next time he feels like hooking up, he'll call you. Or, like many first dates that don't lead to a second he might have decided that he had fun that night but the two of you are not a match.

 

See, when the man calls in advance to plan a date with you, then the question of "when he will call" is a little different because you can figure "well last time he called on a wednesday for a saturday night, so if he doesn't call by wednesday. . ..

 

And here since he didn't call in advance, and since it wasn't planned as a date, what's to stop you from calling him?

[Rabican]

why dont you just skip the games and say "hey, i had a good time with you the other day, I was wondering if you would like to go out again sometime"

[jas56]

^^True, life is too short for games, just get it all out.

[annie24]

I agree, nothing wrong with calling him and saying hi, maybe suggest coffee or something. As to why he was acting weird in class, maybe he was stressed or tired? just see where things go, take it easy. good luck

[Batya33]

^^True, life is too short for games, just get it all out.

 

I gave that opinion not because I think waiting for him to call is a game, I just don't see the point outside of a real dating context.

[ghost69]

i went on a date on sunday. i talked to her yesterday. i made the contact. i said something that caught her off guard that i remembered she told me. she was amazed.

[Ellie24]

He finally called today. He almost asked me out. He asked what I was doing this weekend and I jokingly told him.. 'uh, i think i have class both days' because we are in the same class and it seemed retarded that he would ask me that unless he was trying to ask me out.

 

Anyway, he made some comment on how he would also be busy and quickly hung up.

 

The reason I was waiting for him to call is because I've been calling him the past few weeks to study. I just wanted to see if he has an interest or if he's just sort of going with the flow.

 

I normally don't like playing games either, but I tend to come on waaaaay too strong.. so I figured it might be a better idea to play by the rules this time.

[Batya33]

OK - then at this point you have rejected him, yes? It's fine to joke around about having class both days but if you are interested as you say you are I would hope that you would have followed up with "but of course I'll make time for you." When I have been asked "uh, so what are you doing this weekend" I have said occasionally "um, going out with you!"

 

Playing by the rules means letting him do more of the calling, initiating and planning in the beginning AND to me it means reacting with appreciation and enthusiasm. You didn't do your part and indeed sent a clear signal that you don't take him seriously and would prefer to divert the conversation away from him asking you out.

 

Please don't expect him to call you again or try to ask you out. If you want to see him at this point you need to call him and tell him you were just joking and you would love to get together.

[ghost69]

why do you keep playing around with this poor guy? you are wondering why he is acting like this. you are toying with him now.

[ImThatGirl]

Awwww, Ellie! Maybe he was hoping you'd say: Going out with you or since we have class, do you want to go out to dinner?