Anyone been in a relationship that was good but still talked about breaking up?

[Skippy]

Anyone been in a relationship that is good but still talked about breaking up?

My S.O and i are in a reasonably good relationship but in an LDR situation.

We do love each other but realization has set in that something has to change. (ie. we have to be in the same location to have a REAL relationship again) either she come here or i go there. We understnd our responsibilities and will not move unless we have a job where we are moving to.(not depending on the other all the way)

We have talked about making plans to be together, but at the same time we have talked about ending the relationship.

Is talking about ending the relationship a BAD thing? i am thinking it maybe is. I am just wondering if both parties WANT to be together, should the cinversation about breaking up even be considered?

What do you think?

[flower99]

how long have you been together?

[flower99]

Honestly, I think it's healthy to face reality...that MAYBE you won't be together forever.

And it's good not to put all your eggs in one basket (ie. depending on the other & moving ONLY for the other)

that being said, there is the 'if you say it enough you start believing it'

So provideing it's not your everyday discussion. I think it's totally healthy & wise to be realistic. And plan for the worst, be ready for it if it comes, cause it's always possible..... but hope for & work towards the best, being if you do stay together forever

 

I totally think what you guys are doing, is good. It's far better than the other extreem. The we will be together forever talk, than the shock & devestation kicks in when it doesn't happen.

 

 

I wish you both happiness***

[Skippy]

Been together for 1.5 years

[flower99]

Been together for 1.5 years

 

Yeah, I think until you're engaged or married - actually made the commitment to be together forever.

I think it's healthy & wise to be realistic.

 

Does it bother you when you have the talks? How often do you guys speak of it?

[Skippy]

once in a while. we re-affirm that we love and want to be together. I talked about the current situation (LDR) and talked about wither one of us has to move otherwise we might as well end it. It is a hard reality that both dont want to do BUT if both think it is just giving up too much then maybe it is better to end then keep going this way.

I just find it sad that my dreams of love conquering all is fading away. It makes me question myself if i love her enough.

[Maverick32x]

like flower is saying.. you guys are simply talking realities which is good... it doesnt sound like you are trying to break up with each other? but you both realize that you cant handle a LDR, and are trying to figure out a practical way to fix it.....

 

Makes sense to me, I hope it works out

[flower99]

once in a while. we re-affirm that we love and want to be together. I talked about the current situation (LDR) and talked about wither one of us has to move otherwise we might as well end it. It is a hard reality that both dont want to do BUT if both think it is just giving up too much then maybe it is better to end then keep going this way.

I just find it sad that my dreams of love conquering all is fading away. It makes me question myself if i love her enough.

 

That is a good question. "if you love her enough"

that is something to think about and find the answer within you. Because One of you will have to make a step to continue the relationship. If your answer to the question is YES you do love her enough, than take the step.

 

Also though, you've been speaking of the possiblity of break up for over a year. And yet you haven't that speaks VOLUMES. The truth is neither of you wants to. So it appears love is conquering all !!! When you're ready & need to know...you'll find the answer within you to the important question - Do you love her enough.

[EvaGina]

My ex and I talked about it a lot, for about 6 months - year before I made it final... (I thought it was a pretty good relationship... at the time) I think we both KNEW it was for the best, but we just werent ready.

 

So imo, you should break up, but perhaps not now, you would just end up doing hte on-again-off-again thing

[flower99]

For my last relationship with my babies dad..It was the 'we'll be together forever'. Never spoke of breaking up till the end, when things got REALLY bad. When it didnt' work. I had HUGE problems dealing with it.

 

Now every relationship..I'm a realist. I'm honest with myself & them. Until I'm married, there is always the chance it won't be forever, so I don't talk like it is. I may make plan for the future, but i will also make comments stating otherwise. as you both do.

I'm engaged now, I still do make comments occasionaly, less now though. But until I'm married I know there is a chance. So i don't convince myself or others of anything otherwise. Maybe it's messed up??I hope not though But To me it just seems healthy & wise.