Top 3 Mistakes In Attempting to Help Suicidal/Depressed People

[Spugly Fuglet]

I would add *Dont dissmiss them

[hot_to_trot]

Is taking yourself out of their life at all a good thing?

 

I've been with a girl for half a year now and I haven't actually seen the "true" her. I've just heard a lot about how she was when she wasn't depressed from her friends, etc. and she truly is an amazing girl. I met and subsequently started dating her when her depression just started. I really liked her then, but she has gotten progressively worse. I believe the medical community has failed her as she's been waiting forever to see someone. She says she follows up with the therapist and is being told to wait a bit longer.

 

The other day she was admitted into the hospital and was given the choice to stay the night or leave and call back the next day. She didn't stay and that really bothered me. I can't give her the support she really needs as I am going through problems of my own and have to work hard to make as much money as I can for school and some other stuff I've gotten myself into. She has supported me with this stuff and my mental breakdowns, and I feel awful about thinking of asking for a"break", but I really want her to get better so that we can have a future together and I feel like I am being more harm for her than good at this moment. Could this be the intervention she may need, or could this drive her further into depression?

[Running]

Every one has a way to see and think of some thing. What I must say is we are in many ways HER ON ENA TO make some one els see life in a way he would make the best choice. YES some ones life may depend on it. And I do think if you or me is in some emotional state like I do some times get to stay a way at a time like that.

 

And to stay on the site if you did a post. For sometimes a person with a problem will start to quote some one and in real he see u as a confidant and now he don't get a response. Do think before you commit a post her.

[mylastwords23]

I want to make a qualification. I was selfish, but I didn't want to be. The truth is that I think most people want a life that allows them to care so much about someone else, worry so much about this other person that we forget our own troubles completely. The funny thing is that the moment this happens, the troubles actually seem to vanish. Even with a million responsibilties remaining, just like before, your mind stays focused on that Thursday night when you've got something important planned, something you're excited about. Your world doesn't change, not at all, but you just don't look at it the same way anymore. That pleasant fuzzy feeling inside that used to only come from booze or serious head trauma, just comes over thinking about the near future.

 

Feeling lousy isn't something that you can just turn off however if you can find one good thing to hang onto like an island in the middle of the ocean, you can slowly build onto it. Before you know it, you'll stop going to bed wishing you'd never wake up. You'll be happy. You won't understand why but you'll be satisfied again or maybe for the first time in your life.

[Bunney]

1. Do NOT tell them their problems are insignificant or that others have it so much worse.

 

I disagree with this. I feel that often people lose themselves so much in tears and self-pity (yes, most suicidal people pity themselves a lot, no offence intended) that they don't see they actually have it good. They often don't appreciate the good things and just focus on the bad. When I feel depressed it often helps me to think that there are people with 100x worse problems, and that makes my problems seem a lot smaller.

 

(of course it all depends on what situation the suicidal person is in.)

[bubblyblonde11]

It's not always that simple. That might work for some. Some people are depressed about actual things going on in their lives that can be resolved. Others have mental disorders that are brain imbalances that can really only be helped with therapy and/or meds. They really have no control over their moods without professional help. That's how my depression is. It just hits without warning and is hard to get out of without help. Sometimes it lasts for weeks or months. For some people it lasts for years, It only got better when i had a good therapist or counselor and meds. Most people who are depressed know that other people live harder lives. It's not always about feeling that your life is way worse than everyone's in the world.

 

 

You sound like someone I'd like to know

[bubblyblonde11]

I disagree with this. I feel that often people lose themselves so much in tears and self-pity (yes, most suicidal people pity themselves a lot, no offence intended) that they don't see they actually have it good. They often don't appreciate the good things and just focus on the bad. When I feel depressed it often helps me to think that there are people with 100x worse problems, and that makes my problems seem a lot smaller.

 

(of course it all depends on what situation the suicidal person is in.)

 

You clearly do not understand real depression, sometimes how much we try we cannot pick ourselves up, sometimes the efforts we go to are stompt upon, also with some incl myself we have good days and we fight on as much as we can trying to stay focused and happy but from that sometimes there is a backlash to it, in as much as we become drained and down.

 

Please remember that depression is a medical condition and not something that can just be switched off in an instant.

 

Also you cannot size a persons problems yes there are bad things happening in the world and worse it might seem than what is wrong with that depressed person. It is not as black and white as that, like I said you cannot put size on someones problems because to someone whom is depressed there heads says that theres at the time is the worlds worst problems.

 

Logic and practicalities do not come into it.

[Dako]

When my depression is at its worst, I stutter and can't eat or make rational decisions. Unless you've had clinical depression to the point of being unable to make toast or a phonecall, it'd be hard to understand.

It's not self-pity, but an ongoing struggle using skills many never have to use. Many strong and successful people have this burden and struggle in private.

I'm a fortunate person in many ways, but only came to terms with my depression after decades of misery. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

When it hits, you could have no logical reason to feel down but still be suicidal. You could be rich, successful and loved, and still suffer. Knowing that others are starving, diseased or living in mud huts just makes me feel more depressed. Depression coexists with empathy.

[bubblyblonde11]

 

When it hits, you could have no logical reason to feel down but still be suicidal. You could be rich, successful and loved, and still suffer. Knowing that others are starving, diseased or living in mud huts just makes me feel more depressed. Depression coexists with empathy.

 

sometimes I have logical reasons to feel down, sometimes I can sort it out and feel better and othertimes I can't. It's odd but one thing is people of any walks of life being horrible/tough talking/dismissive in a "pull yourself together way" is very tough to deal with when feeling low, whether it is a boss, a friend, a colleague etc.

[Eire1]

bubblyblonde,

I agree with you. I think that some people don't really understand depression as a physical problem. And that's not to make it sound like an exclusive club. Some people just have a different chemical balance which affects how they respond to stuff. I've seen some people deal with the death of a parent and bounce back with strength, dignity, and a positive mindframe very quickly. I've seen others deal with very different losses and never bounce back. It's a physical chemical thing in the mind that determines how different people cope with problems.

 

It became evident to me when I started to take prozac. That's when I first realized that it was in fact a physical (chemical) problem I had.

[m18]

Thanks for writing out these three points, i do agree with them very much.

 

Some people tend to disagree with point 1, because in some cases, being reminded that there are bigger problems out there, can be somewhat of a reality-reminder for some people. But the fact is, depression is NOT the same for everyone. One size does not fit all. Some people will benefit from a little tough love, but others really are not seeing clearly enough. People have to understand that depression clouds your perception so much. A friend of mine actually had the nerve to tell me "it's simple, you're making it complicated", and this is someone who's never a)read about it b)been through it. Can you imagine how frustrating it is to talk to people who believe that you can reason your way out of something like this so easily? It's different for everyone, and that's what sucks. Also, it might be accompanied by other factors like anxiety or anger issues - who knows?

 

So i agree that telling someone that other people are worst off, isn't always helpful. Sometimes it is, sometimes, it's just not even relevant. I wrote a very long post on misconceptions about depression - so if anyone wants to check it out - its still there - because i was soo angry with my friend for being judgemental about it

[purple_haze]

Depression is a disease. People who have never been "clinically" depressed, but have had sadness which they equate to depression, think that you can snap out of it. It's like a tumor just eating at you and you don't know what to do about it. Therapy and/or meds is our radiation.

[afrodite79]

When my depression is at its worst, I stutter and can't eat or make rational decisions. Unless you've had clinical depression to the point of being unable to make toast or a phonecall, it'd be hard to understand.

It's not self-pity, but an ongoing struggle using skills many never have to use. Many strong and successful people have this burden and struggle in private.

I'm a fortunate person in many ways, but only came to terms with my depression after decades of misery. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

When it hits, you could have no logical reason to feel down but still be suicidal. You could be rich, successful and loved, and still suffer. Knowing that others are starving, diseased or living in mud huts just makes me feel more depressed. Depression coexists with empathy.

 

 

wow. I agree with everything you said. People who haven't been through it seriously can't even fathom what it's like. They can't wrap their heads around not being able to get out of bed for weeks at a time, not being able to eat. The only people I know who can clearly understand are people who've been through it. Just last night my friend who's bi polar was getting lectured by her friend and she was trying to explain why she is the way she is. The friend just couldn't understand but I knew exactly what she was talking about because I've experienced the same thing. People think we're lazy and don't realize that everyday for us is a struggle. Doing regular everyday things like getting out of bed, taking a shower or leaving the house is a daunting task.

 

I think most people with depression appreciate the good things that they have in their life but that isn't going to make everyone just magically snap out of it. I know my life isn't horrible and that I'm loved but there are still so many days when I just wish the pain would stop.

 

I agree that depression coexists with empathy. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean that you stop caring about others.

[afrodite79]

You sound like someone I'd like to know

 

Aww. Thanks.

[savoie]

So are you suggesting that the potential benefit of one or all 3 of these examples given to one person is outweighed because it potentially will push another to commit suicide?

 

I don't know. People are not perfect - accross the board. I think people generally respond in way that is or would be useful for them - which makes sense - but it is projecting.

 

I think it is very helpful for people to know what to do what not to do; what to say what not to say in crisis such as these. But I it is also important to say that I think people do the best that they can - generally. Some react with sadness, others react in fear, others in anger. Right or wrong they are human responses.

[Cloud802]

OMG Dil I haven't seen you in forever, you never reply to my emails.

 

Anyways, I used to make those mistakes. If a person is willing to commit suicide over something then I would hardly call their problem insignificant. If you ask me the best thing you can do is just talk to them.