The Bed Issue

[kiama]

iv been avoiding this topic cos it actually means i have to realise its over and i dont want to. waaaaaaaa

 

what do i do about our bed? Right hes spent a lot of money on me, paying for everything. I spent money on him when i had it - but i had to really scrape it up. i decided we should get a new mattress, and i wanted a really expensive one, life investment.... so i scraped and scraped up money. i put in 200 pounds my my mom put in 150 and he the rest for this mattress.

 

now what do i do. when i brought it up in our single msn chat he got really mad at me. said he couldnt believe id even think to take the bed, i just said one gets the bed and gives the other half the money. he wasnt happy at all and got very snappy.

 

but its my bed too. i keep thinking hes spent so much money on me and i feel guilty like i should leave it with him. but i put so much effort then into the room, painted the walls, re decorated, got new duvet covers put up pictures, i made the room so nice for our new mattress. i feel like its so unfair that ive been tossed out and am left with nothing. that he has got it so light, and is moving on with no inconvenience in his life, when hes really inconvenienced mine. i wasted 3 years all for him.

 

so i feel like i want my mattress. its a really good one. and i want it, cos i know it will cause him inconvenience too. he will have to go out and get another one. but is it wrong to want the mattress

 

all im thinking is if i take it he will hate me more and that will ruin any chance of getting back with him, but at the same time how do i know ill even get him back... im really confused about this issue.

 

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[renaissancewoman101]

I take it the bed is still at his place and he doesnt want to give it up to you. If you really want the bed so badly, talk to him to see if he can give you the bed, if you cough up half the money spent on the bed. Personally, I think he might be doing this (keeping the bed) to spite you. I dunno.

[EvaGina]

he owes you for half the mattress, just ask for the money.

[lessy20]

just out of curiosity, how much is 200 pounds in US $?

[SunflowerFields]

just out of curiosity, how much is 200 pounds in US $?

 

200 pounds is about 385 U.S. dollars. And that's only a fraction of the cost of the mattress! Jeez, what kind of mattress was it?!

 

If you can afford paying your ex the other half of the mattress cost then I don't know why it'd be such a problem for him to just give it to you. Maybe renaissancewoman101 is right; maybe he is trying to spite you. I don't know why a mattress, of all things, is such a big deal, though...am I missing something here?

[EvaGina]

I have a $2000 and it was worth every cent...

A good mattress is AMAZING once you have one.

[renaissancewoman101]

That's true. A good mattress is worth the money, esp since you're going to be sleeping on it for at least 4-6 hours a night.

[kiama]

yes, its one of those temper mattress thinks, memory foam etc. it cost 500 pounds. i actually put in 350 pounds (including what my mom gave me) and he put in the rest. i honestly thought it would be a life-long investment with him. he kept saying when i brought it up that that he 'couldnt believe id ask after all the money hes spent on me, and after living at his rent free for 2 years' he also during the mattress conversation (which i just dropped cos i couldnt deal with it) which i thought was a bit of a cheek, 'you do know that its now a second hand mattress', to which i replied, 'ok, in that case i want the mattress, and ill give you a little less of what u put in towards it.' He was like 'HAVE IT, HAVE IT, TAKE IT - ALL very nasty...

 

i cant help thinking he actually resents me for the way i depended on him for so long and the way i treated him - which wasnt my fault - depression changed me so much. he also said 'what you gonna do, burn it'

 

i couldnt believe how nasty he was being, its like hes so so angry. Hes not a talker. and is like that im sure becos of the way he was brought up. him, his mom and his brother DONT TALK they shout.

 

thats when i asked him if everything was ok with us etc, he would say 'YES' in a loud long whiney way. which made me feel worse, id say stop shouting, 'he would then shout 'im not shouting'.

 

i cant help thinking though that it was me who made him so angry. Him and his bro dont have any respect for there mother. well he thinks im wrong. but she cooks for them everynight, they will sit down and NEVER offer to wash the dishes after - which i thought was very rude, id sometimes say 'are you gonna help me wash these dishes for your mom ' and he would then say yes because i was kindof telling him mostly. and thats when hed add to 'i tell him what to do'.

 

yes, i had to ask lots of times to put his stuff away, to wash dishes, and to do household stuff. on MONDAY - the day he was being all weird (day before ending it on TUESDAY - he was asking if id washed his work pants - i hadnt, id done the washing but his work pants were new cords, and black, and i thought theyd run so was leaving them to handwash. he picked them out the wash basket, and said where are my other work pants then ' i said well if they havent been washed they may be in the wash basket too.' he picked them out and huffed, these have been there since last week.

 

like do your own bl**dy washing then! he would think that because i did nothing all day and he worked till three all day, that it was my responsibility ONLY to do everything in the ROOM. but i did do everything in the room, just sometimes id ask him if he was going to help tidy the room with me and change the bedding...

 

it was quite a tight squeeze in the room with just two of us and all our stuff. EVERYTHING of ours was in that room, things that if wed had our own place could of gone in other rooms. so it was an effort to keep the room tidy.

 

he just sounds so fed up with me. hes acting really cool about this all.

 

and this blooming mattress. i just dont want to walk away with nothing - i now have to carry on sitting in this country waiting for paperwork to go through, god knows how long that will take. and i only ever stayed, because he said hed support me all the way.

 

i just cant help that hes right and that i shouldnt even dare think about taking the mattress because he has spent so much money on me. but its not the principle.

 

Krikey, i am at my wits end.

[kiama]

any more opinions... whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[mariab.]

So where is the mattress? If its w/ him and he doesn't want to pay up chalk it up to a lesson learned-what comes around goes around...

[melrich]

From what you have posted he seems to have done a lot financially for you over the 2 years (I mean rent free for 2 years is a big effort).

 

I think even if you got the mattress you would feel really bad about it. I think in consideration of the fact that he has paid all the rent for a couple of years and the fact that getting the mattress back is probably going to make you feel terrible, I'd let it go and be satisfied with a clear conscience.

[sophie274]

From what you have posted he seems to have done a lot financially for you over the 2 years (I mean rent free for 2 years is a big effort).

 

I think even if you got the mattress you would feel really bad about it. I think in consideration of the fact that he has paid all the rent for a couple of years and the fact that getting the mattress back is probably going to make you feel terrible, I'd let it go and be satisfied with a clear conscience.

 

I completely agree with Melrich. 350 pounds if he paid rent for two years is not much, plus do you really want to have to think about the relationship every time you go to sleep? I think all this arguing with him is going to wear you down, just let him have it and start the healing!