Minor problem with attraction

[splashdown]

OK, here's the setup:

 

I recently (a little over a month ago) broke up with my longtime gf. It's been a long hard slog, but we're finally and forever broken up. And as it turns out, my heartbreak at first has turned into first, indifference, and now active indifference of my ex-. I am not pining for her, I have no feelings about her one way or the other. (I'm setting this up so that you'll know that my problem is not related to my ex-gf...that I'm not in any way carrying a torch for her).

 

My problem is thus:

 

I have this friend who I have known for many years. She and I have gone from active friendship to dormant for periods, but I've always cared about her and wished her well, even during times when we were out of touch.

 

Recently (about three months or so), we've gotten back in touch and spent a lot of time together (especially in the last month or so). She's let me know, rather boldly, that she has feelings for me. She has no bf at the moment.

 

The thing is, this woman is absolutely perfect for me in almost every way. She's funny, sarcastic, un-needy & un-clingy, fun to be around, and just in general a warm and caring person. Almost anyone would be lucky to have her in their life.

 

The problem is...I'm just not attracted her physically. I don't find her unattractive, in fact she's quite beautiful...it's just that she's not at all the "type" I'm usually interested in.

 

I know this sounds sort of shallow, but there it is. And I can't seem to get past it. I mean, I wasn't considering dating her right now. I've just gotten out of a LTR, and even though I'm over my ex-, I just feel that I need more time to get past some of the baggage from that relationship. But, this other woman is so perfect for me (personality-wise) that I don't want to give up on it.

 

So, I turn to you, the ENA community. Is there any way (or has anyone ever) gotten past physical issues like this? I would be so happy with her, except for this minor problem.

 

Thanks!

[rocio]

If you don't find her unattractive, then go for it. Once you develop feelings for her and once you see her naked, you'll likely be more attracted to her.

[Honey Pumpkin]

I don't know - if you're that close and there is no attraction, I wouldn't try. Because there is a friendship there that can be spoiled. Sometimes you just don't fancy someone, it's a shame but it's just the way it is.

[Leonhart]

I would say the opposite of what hazey said. If you are not attracted, don't waste either of your time. You can't force attraction, so give it up and move on to someone you DO like.

[ghost69]

it's hard to be attracted to somebody later if you initially aren't.

[treefrogkate]

Why not wait a while? Like you said, you've just gotten out of an LTR. Could you ask her "Listen, I've just gotten out of a relationship. Why don't we see what's going on in a month or two?" Then just spend time with her.

 

You never know. Three of my ex-boyfriends said that I'm not the kind of girl that they were totally into right away (while they were dating me! Who says that to their girlfriend??? Apparently everyone, lol!), but they all stayed for a while, so they must have gotten over it (they didn't say specifically it was about looks, but there you have it).

[ghost69]

bet that made you feel great kate. geez.

 

i would never pursue a woman i didn't feel attracted to. it's not fair to them to try and date them if you aren't and are hoping to be some day.

[splashdown]

I think for the moment, I'm just gonna hang back and stay friends as many of you said. I'm afraid of losing the friendship if I'm not able to return her feelings, but ah well...people come and go.

 

Actually, in the past, I've had long-term relationships with people I didn't initially find particularly attractive, and in fact did grow to find them extremely attractive as my feelings for them grew. But I think in this case it's probably not gonna happen, sadly, since she's so great otherwise.

[ghost69]

that is good splash. a lot of people on here will tell you go for it and find out later. not a good idea.