devast Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 Just a thought... Maybe someone have thought about this before that I just didn't find the thread... Anyway... Ok... Not necessarily both of you and your ex are in ENA... But.. ...lets say after the break-up... What if both of you realized you both want each other back? What if both of you are doing NC to heal yourselves? What if both of you are waiting for each other to just come and say "i miss you and I would like us to do the right reasons to pursue with the relationship we've had if you're still interested"..? What if your only way of getting in contact with each other is by phone or otherwise go to each others places? no accidental bump to each other is possible... Now...Finally.... How can this two people ever get back together? What are their chances? Link to comment
astaro Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 well, it depends on how long its been since the brake up first of all, if its been a week that doesnt mean much at all, if its been 2-3 months it might be something to look at. i would just recontact but take it very slowly, truly start over, date, don't see other all the time, don't jump right back into the sack, relearn the person, really investigate weather or not both sides want to get back together but do it from a slight distance to at least try and maintain some kind of objectiveness. Link to comment
JoeWho Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I think that typically it is the person who does the breaking up that is responsible for initiating a reconciliation. Link to comment
astaro Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I think that typically it is the person who does the breaking up that is responsible for initiating a reconciliation. that is indeed VERY important. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted March 1, 2007 Share Posted March 1, 2007 I think that typically it is the person who does the breaking up that is responsible for initiating a reconciliation. Agreed, they are the one that started the whole thing and would need to do some apologizing too. Link to comment
devast Posted March 3, 2007 Author Share Posted March 3, 2007 How about "PRIDE/EGO"? What if the dumper just have tons of this in her brains that she may not want to look she's taking the dumping, that she did, back? I think that typically it is the person who does the breaking up that is responsible for initiating a reconciliation. Link to comment
houdini Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Devast, I bet your ex is exactly like my ex and this is what I fear too. In my past with my ex we've stopped talking for a day or two but it was always me that would initiate the contact again, apologize etc even if it weren't my fault. My ex is stubborn and full of pride and would rather cut her right arm off rather than apologize or admit she was wrong. This is what fears me also because I'm on my 13thday of NC and I'm afraid that we might be playing the "Who's gonna contact who first game"..I'm in NC for myself and she would be in NC for pride....What to do!!!!! Link to comment
in_love Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Well.... I know my ex, today I broke NC... I knew, for some reason, I just knew i had to do it. I did it... no reply to a text, very simple text saying "hi hows you" blah blah. A couple of hours passed, I was "ah well... there we go" then suddenly "ring ring" she doesn't just reply via text but she calls me. We chatted and she gave me a REASON (indirectly) why she ended things WITHOUT me asking for a reason.... now, during my break-up this is the FIRST time she has ever gave me a straight forward reason and the reason... ..."I was just out of Uni into full time employment, I felt stressed and pressured thats all, it was just stress and pressure". We chatted for 30-45 mins. Now I am completely amazed because I had seriously started to give up ALL hope in her and actually started to believe she didn't want to chat with me, that she was with someone new etc... how wrong I was! 4 months since initial break-up... reason, well there were no real problems lets put it that way but with me trying to get her back and putting pressure on her obviously had negative effects. Link to comment
RedDelPaPa Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Just a thought... Maybe someone have thought about this before that I just didn't find the thread... Anyway... Ok... Not necessarily both of you and your ex are in ENA... But.. ...lets say after the break-up... What if both of you realized you both want each other back? What if both of you are doing NC to heal yourselves? What if both of you are waiting for each other to just come and say "i miss you and I would like us to do the right reasons to pursue with the relationship we've had if you're still interested"..? What if your only way of getting in contact with each other is by phone or otherwise go to each others places? no accidental bump to each other is possible... Now...Finally.... How can this two people ever get back together? What are their chances? I think the dumper, or the last person to be asked for reconciliation will eventually break and contact the other. The person second guessing their decision will lose this silent treatment. Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Devast, I bet your ex is exactly like my ex and this is what I fear too. In my past with my ex we've stopped talking for a day or two but it was always me that would initiate the contact again, apologize etc even if it weren't my fault. My ex is stubborn and full of pride and would rather cut her right arm off rather than apologize or admit she was wrong. This is what fears me also because I'm on my 13thday of NC and I'm afraid that we might be playing the "Who's gonna contact who first game"..I'm in NC for myself and she would be in NC for pride....What to do!!!!! Let her pride keep her from happiness then. If you initiate contact AND apologize even it is her fault, then you have done nothing but reinforce the fact that you are a sap and that she can do this to you all the time and any time. I wouldn't want to live my life like that. And from what you've said about her not apologizing even if it is her fault or she did something wrong, then damn, you can not cave in on this particular situation. From the past you are setting precedent that you are a doormat. If she is going to pummel your self-worth to the point where you are willing to take her crap and keep coming back for more then that is no life to exist in. Of course, if you are into the sado-masochism... More power to you Link to comment
Wandering_Sword Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 I got off topic with my last post... I, too think it should be dumper. We know what the dumpee wants, its now up to the dumper voice the same intentions. Link to comment
blender Posted March 3, 2007 Share Posted March 3, 2007 Yes, if the person who ended the relationship is "too nervous, or has too much pride or ego" to contact you, then it's not "love".. it's not mature, it's not sincere, if thier "ego or pride or stubborness" keeps them from contacting you "if" they actually have changed thier mind..well then..they must not want it bad enough.. they must value thier own ego more then their love for you, and this is NOT someone you would want to be in a relationship for long term... no matter how many excuses or understandings we can come up for as to "why" an ex who ended the relationship might not be "okay" with calling if they changed their mind.. well it doesn't matter... especially if they know you love them and you were hurt by the break up, because it's important to remember if the ex is not willing to make a mature, loving, risk taking effort to be in your life, then they are no longer worthy of your 'hoping, thoughtful energy"... plain and simple... give yourself the love and understanding you are so willing to give them.. and set a standard/value to respect your own heart, and no longer put your energy into someone who is not actively intentionally cherishing YOU. Link to comment
devast Posted March 4, 2007 Author Share Posted March 4, 2007 Yeah... If she just have tons of PRIDE/EGO on her and she just rather cut her arm than apologizing or at least try to make an effort to change a bit of herself and work things out... WE can't have someone like that in our lives... So I thought of writing her an email today but I certainly will not send it for it will really not matter to her if she doesn't really want to come back or she just have too much Pride... So I thought of just writing it in here... just to get it off my chest.. Its funny what I have just realized we broke up for matters that is so workable and reconcileable... To think that... So many couples around the world are seeing counselors and doing therapies to work-out and cope up with alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, compulsive lier, compulsive cheater, abusive behaviour and so many different issues worse than what we broke-up for just to make themselves inseparable... I thought.. How can we be Working-out by making ouselves busy the whole-day... and go out every night until we feel very sleepy to go home and directly go to bed just to forget everything...working-out to forget the happiness, the prescious moments and the love we have shared for more than 2 years... working-out trying to forget what we used to say and even sing "I wanna grow old with you".... Surely we will succeed on what we are trying to achieve... Forget about the feelings for each other... I am doing well now on this and I am pretty sure you are too... I just think Its just funny and just silly... What do you think guys? Link to comment
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