Who would you choose?

[Prenkle]

I'm stuck. I'm in my mid 20s and have to choose between 2 men.

 

Man A is 29. I like him a lot. He's one of my best friends and is a joy to be around. I wouldn't mind marrying him if he asked me.

 

Man B is 45. My feelings are much strong for Man B than Man A. I sometimes think I love him. I know he feels for me too, but because of our age difference is reluctant to express those feelings.

 

There won't be the age gap pressure since I'm much closer in age with Man A.

 

Do I wait for Man B or go with Man A? Listen to my head or my heart? I'm so confused.

[Dako]

What do you want from the guy you choose?

You never stated that.

[Prenkle]

I want a guy who loves me, makes me feel safe and cared for. I want someone who is willing to stand up for me.

[Dako]

Which guy shows those traits?

 

Is the age difference with B a problem for you?

[Blue Skittles]

From the little info you provided here - it seems to be the case that you have a more solid base with Man A on which to build a relationship.

 

Think about Man B in the long term. Would it work out? Are your feelings at this point just lust? Cuz that fades over time and if you have nothing in common to base it on then a long term thing probably won't work out.

[MacGyverRI]

As an older guy who has dated much younger women (17 yrs younger and married 14 yrs younger) I can tell you that the 45 won't want childish games. If you are a mature girl it should work out BUT he probably will want long term.

 

Do you and he want children? that's an important question for starters.

 

 

P.S.

On the flip side, best friends make the best marriages.

[Jayar]

Personally I'd go with NEITHER. Your heart just doesn't seem in it with Man A, and Man B is too old for you, IMO (which is what you asked for, right? Opinion... So please don't take offense). A 20-year age gap would be too much for me. See age is one of those things that doesn't really matter in the middle, but matters a LOT in many cases both at the beginning and the later years...

 

Okay, we'd all agree that a 30-year-old even coming NEAR a 10-year old sexually is gross... 40-year-old coming near a 20-year-old? Not so bad... 50 to 30? Not so bad... 60 to 40? Meh... But then as you get into 70 to 50, where HE is long retired and claiming all sorts of golden-age benefits, and you are still 15-years away from retirement... Not so fun. Let's not forget about the fact that, at 60 in that case, when you are JUST GETTING READY to enjoy retirement, you'd very likely (sorry to say) be alone.

 

It may not be pleasant, but that's the way I think about it. I want to grow old with the person I love, not watch them grow old ahead of me. I plan to SHARE retirement with my husband (if I am ever lucky enough to have one).

 

Nothing in life is a guarantee, and it's ALWAYS possible for any of us to "go" early... But setting myself up for the heartache in what is supposed to be my golden years that would INEVITABLY, almost GUARANTEED be caused by a 20-year age gap? Not for me.

 

It's stuff to consider anyway. I think sometimes it's nice to live in the moment, but then you have to step back and think about your long-term happiness as well. And I dunno... I just can't see TOO MANY people being happy pretty well knowing that they're going to be single again at around 60... Possibly well into their 80's.

 

In any case, if you don't love Man A, and decide after thinking about it that Man B is too old for you, then choose Man C... The one you will meet at some point in the future, closer to your age, and you are madly in love with (and he you). Nothing says you have to choose either of these men.

[Prenkle]

Man B and I have a lot of common interests. We can talk for hours on the phone. Neither of us want children or want to get married. I know my feelings for him aren't just lust because he's not particularly attractive. It's who he is as a person, his personality, outlook on life, humor that I get caught up on.

[Dako]

If you enjoy a guy's company, do you need marriage until death do you part, or do you just want to to get to know him?

That's why I asked what you want from him.

 

I think you should date whoever you want, and not seek approval.

 

In age-gap relationships, people jump to the "when your're 60 he'll be 80" argument. Look around at how few relationships endure that long. If you were happy with a guy for that many decades, I'd consider that a remarkable relationship, and you'd have no regrets looking back over 40 years of life with a guy you chose.

 

By the way, I was close friends with a couple with a 20 year age gap as they reached the end of life. They had a magnificent life together.

 

The same holds true with any guy.