help with taking a break from a realitionship

[thehatelove]

so me ang my girlfriend are taking that break that she said she needed. i agreeded to give her the space she needed but now what?

i know she is now hanging out with this other guy and i get the feeling they are "doing stuff"

i still want her back and we talked about it and she said she would come back to me she just needs her time off away from me for a while because she is not used to being in a serious relitionship.

im trying hard to keep it cool and stay calm for the time being and not trying to bug her.

what would be the best thing or things to do while waiting for her to return and i want her to realize that this guy she is hanging around is not as imporant as i am

am i thinking the wrong thing?? should i not worry?

what should i do? how should i act away and with her?

im so confused

[Beec]

Well, I think you asking her again is the exact wrong thing. You asking her is all about youw anting her back, because of you wanting her back. That's about how you feel. If you really want her back, then you should work on things that will make her want to come back.

 

A little basic blurb on why we go for those we go for: we go for those people who give us emotional fulfillment, make us feel special, while remaining aloof and independent. By aloof I do not mean indifferent, jsut that you are not influenced by what they do and say, things they do are of no bother to you emotionally. So, you need to remain independent from her, a bit aloof, but also pay attention to her when you see her, a bit.

 

When you see her, perhaps at first you seem to not notice her, and then when she is seeking your attention, you give it to her for a few minutes, then stop, say you need to go somewhere. That is the kind of exchange in theory that leaves ehr wanting more of you, not you giving her as much of your attention as she can handle and then some.

 

You should appear as if you are not worried about thisother guy, and if give the chance, go flirt with some other girl. This will get her thinking you might not be available for her unless she comes to get you.

[Karhu]

you are 17. are you the first/one of her first sexual relationships? just a thought, but maybe she is interesting in playing the field first before getting into a more serious relation.

 

beec is right, being needy, or pouting, or jelous will only be a big turnoff. work on developing your life independent of her, and show her how fantastic guy you are and the rest is all up to her.

[thehatelove]

how should i do that?

should i hide the feelings i feel? because im all upset

[Beec]

how should i do that?

should i hide the feelings i feel? because im all upset

 

Yes, you act as if you do not have all those feelings. You act friendly, but not affected.

[thehatelove]

but wouldnt give her the message that its ok for her to do these thing to me and having me wait while shes out with this guy?

or do i have it all wrong?

[MrCrazy2u]

how should i do that?

should i hide the feelings i feel? because im all upset

 

Find something to do that will attempt to keep your mind off of her... I know right now there's nothing you can do to completely take her off your mind, but there are plenty of things to help ease that transition. Hang out with friends, join some clubs, etc... Personally, for me, I started working out hardcore everyday, channeling any anger or upset feelings I had into getting fit... and damn I look and feel way better now because of it. I still go to the gym on a daily basis as a result

 

but wouldnt give her the message that its ok for her to do these thing to me and having me wait while shes out with this guy?

 

NO!!! Right now she sees you as the fall-back guy, if things don't work out with the new guy she knows you'll be there... so you have to make it seem like you've moved on and you don't want her back... believe me, anyone will tell you that she'll start freaking out when you no longer talk to her or acknowledge her

[Karhu]

don't show that you are upset, don't call/message every day, don't try to talk her out of it.

just accept it (believe it in your mind is more convincing then putting on an act that you are hiding some strong feelings, girls are very perceptive and will know).

 

then put your life on track. be friendly with her, don't say anything that would indicate she got to you. it's about building up her interest in you, making her chase you. You want her to be the one doing the chasing now, people like the chase when they value the reward (build your rapport) and they know it is not a chase in vain (don’t be rude to her, and indicate with eyes/body language that the door is open for her to come in)

 

if you are a easy lap dog who seems like they will always wait around for her then she will think you’re always there, so she can have some fun else ware, and then she can always come back to you whenever SHE desires. That’s not a good position to be in. don’t put yourself below her and start groveling or anything, you are equal to her, and she needs to realize your value, and that you don’t just wait for anyone, and deserve respect from your partners.

 

There are many more girls in the world and you are young, it you always think that then you won’t bee clingy or dependant. And if girls see you as having real value, and they have to really work for you then they will see that you have high standards and are of value. You only have the value you put on yourself.

 

There is a TON of articles on this topic on the internet

[Beec]

but wouldnt give her the message that its ok for her to do these thing to me and having me wait while shes out with this guy?

or do i have it all wrong?

 

You have it all wrong. If you get angry and pout that she ahs gone, then you are telling ehr she can come back. If you appear as if your feelings for her may be disappearing, then she gets the message that she might not still be able to have you and will hurry back.

 

Which is she doing to you? How is that making you feel?

[thehatelove]

she is having confusing feelings

she keeps having the urge to be with other guys and she said she doesnt know why

this is hurting me bad because i didnt do anything wrong at all and i feel as if im being tortured and punished.

she told me she wanted some time off from me and our serious realitionship and spend some time to think.

i know she just wants some time away from me to be with him.

ive told her to just stop and realize that im right in front of her and i wanted to help. and she does this to me.

and now im just real bummed

 

and what if she sees me acting all happy and decides that she doesnt want to be with me ever again? just curious. i wouldnt want that to happen. i would do anything to do the oppasite but i was just wondering

[MrCrazy2u]

STOP TALKING TO HER... LOL, that's all you're gonna hear, it's up to you listen and comprehend

[Dating Coach]

she is having confusing feelings

she keeps having the urge to be with other guys and she said she doesnt know why

 

BS. Look man, just because she tells you that she is confused doesn't mean that she is. Her actions have been pretty decisive. Her actions are telling the truth of the situation, and the truth is that she is out meeting and hanging out with other guys. To assume she is not messing around would be naive.

 

Her actions are telling you that going out with these other guys are more important to her than you and your relationship. Sure, she still likes you but her feelings for you are not even close to the same level as yours are for her. What that does is give her a lot of power over you.

Look, you can see it already. She's out as a free spirit making out with and hanging out with other guys. The thought of you isn't stopping her at all. On the other hand, we have you whom is sitting here posting 2 threads on the subject, heartbroken, and at a complete loss as to what to do. You aren't even thinking about the fact that she's just insulted you and your relationship in the worst way by going out with other men, you only think about trying to get her back. She is wearing the pants here and women aren't attracted to guys who let them wear the pants and have no self respect.

 

I'm not saying this to attack you, I am trying to open your eyes. When a girl disrespects everything you have like this, and you completely ignore it and throw yourself at their feet like you are now, you are only showing them that you don't care about your own self image, your self respect, etc. You show her that you don't care how she treats you as long as she is there. This attitude will drive her away and likely is the reason she's going away right now. A woman wants a guy with self confidence and self respect. A woman wants a guy who commands respect, not one who is willing to be a fool just to keep her around.

 

I am getting married soon, and I'd take a bullett for my fiance'. But if she told me that she wants to date other men and was hanging out with other guys I'd tell her fine. And then I'd pack her crap and dismiss her from my life forever. I wouldn't beg for her to come back. I shouldn't have to, I deserve better. If a woman isn't going to treat me with respect then she doesn't belong in my life. Because I have this attitude my fiance respects me, and won't be looking to cheat on me. You should have dismissed this girl from your life by now. Perhaps you'll grow up soon and realize the bigger picture.

[SaRaHmArIe8588]

I absolutely HATE that line. "Lets take a break". You might as well be saying, "Lets break up, so i can go sleep with (name)."

 

I know that i may have come off a little harsh there..but more than likely that is what is going on. Your girlfriend should not be telling you that she wants to go on a break because she is having confusing feelings since she has never had a serious relationship. Its like you are telling her, "sure go out and do him..i'll be right here waiting."

 

 

It is not fair at all to you, to be waiting for HER to be ready to commit.

 

Maybe im wrong...but who knows.

 

But to answer your question..should you be worried? Truthfully? Yes...i believe you should.

 

Anyway, good luck.