LBP Posted February 28, 2007 Share Posted February 28, 2007 Well, I preface this by saying that it's going to be long and quite self-involved. Mostly I'm looking for an objective response to what happened between me an my ex, one way or the other... I don't necessarily want to know who was right and who was wrong but rather gut reactions to what I'm saying. This will be the first time I've ever laid it all on the table for anyone to see, so it's a bit of therapy in that regard as well. Here goes. I'm sure anyone who gets through this mass will deserve a gold star. I meet my girl at a party at my house in early December of 2005. We hit it off right away as in within a half hour to an hour I'm kissing her and within two hours we're back together in my room. Things get hot and heavy, but we're both drunk and she quite wisely declines to actually have sex. We hang out, kiss and such, for the rest of the night and fall asleep in each other's arms. I drive her home in the morning and within a couple of days we are officially boyfriend and girlfriend. She leaves in like a week to be with her family in Hong Kong for Christmas and we basically have a three week hiatus from one another to deal with that, her calling me maybe twice during that time. We get back together at the end of that and things pick up like they'd never left off. This continues for roughly seven and a half months, to June. This marks the first serious relationship I've ever hard. In between June and when she gets back from HK, we have a great time. I help her write a paper to study abroad (it's accepted), we hang out quite a bit (though time off from week to week for studying, she's a good student and I need space fromt time to time) but basically become partners in crime for all events and fun times for the whole of those months. Sex is great (as far as I know) and we have an amazing time together, from watching movies to going on double dates with the end of her basically living with me for a period of four months, including a trip we take together to New York City for a week of seeing the sights and enjoying our limited time together (no sex this whole trip, by the by). The 'limited' part is where the trouble starts... As far as I know everything I've said so far is accurate. To judge from my friends, it's mostly accurate because of what they've told me, first, about her reactions to me and, second, about their impressions of us together. Basically that we were two peas in a pod, that she'd never been so happy with a guy before, etc etc. Cut to June and I'm saying goodbye to her as she's leaving for Hong Kong, again, this time to study abroad for a year. I know it's going to be hard but I'm confident we can work it out. My reasons are that 1) she had a LDR before that lasted for a year (she ended it because he didn't communicate enough), 2) she told me again and again that was her other half, I taught her what real love is, etc etc 3) I knew sex wasn't that important to me and phone calls would be enough. She's in Hong Kong for a month and we talk often, twice a week basically, staying close. No problems. I discuss visiting her in Christmas and how I could do it but would need to take out a small loan in order to afford things (it'd be easy to pay off, I just can't get large lump sums due to bills and such). She turns me down saying she philosophically disagrees with loans. I'm a little hurt by this but resolve to get two jobs to work it out. Just before her birthday, she tells me that she plans to be apart from me for three years and not just the one. She doesn't want me around when she comes back because she wants to focus on school (and wants me to do the same in grad school), then plans to go to Germany for a year (because she's 'only lived in two countries'). I'm starting to feel a little nervous at this point and ask for time to think. She says okay, we'll talk in a week. I decide I'm okay, I love her enough to wait and tell her as much. She says she we have switched sides and she no longer wants the relationship. I'm hurt by this but we decide to be friends. Naturally, there are problems. I'm still really hurting over her dumping me, but she promises we'll get back together when it's time (3 years). I'm skeptical, wondering who can wait three years citing the fact that she's had over thrity boyfriends before me and that I don't just want to sit around getting play in the meantime. Whe we talk during this time I express how badly I'm hurting and that I want her back - she doesn't commit one way or the other, but admits frustration at talking in circles. We continue to talk but one day she starts ignoring my emails (wherein I profess my love and confidence that things will work out in the long run) and pushing back our normal talk times. I end up calling her late on her time scale and saying I don't want to be least important thing in her life, basically saying that if she keeps leaving people behind it's going to end up hurting her in the end. She doesn't take it very well. We make up a little bit but agree for some NC, her promising me that she'll call me on my birthday. When that time nears I tell her that I work on my birthday and to call me in the evening. She ends up calling me about five minutes before I leave for work and we don't talk. She had plans later in the day so we won't be able to talk then and I agree to put things off until later. She promises to call me on a Sunday but ends up calling me on a Saturday. The Saturday she calls I've been consuming a keg left over from my birthday party and am more or less snookered. We have a conversation of some sort, where in I am pretty sure I was hurtful, but have no real memory of. It ends with her telling me that she's seeing someone else (that only memory I have of this conversation) and then silence. I appologize the next day for what I said (despite having mostly no memory of it, except for negative feelings), but confess that I expected her to call the following day. She's still upset and says we'll discuss it later. Some times later, after a few IMs, she ends up sending me an email wherein she states that we shouldn't talk to each other any more and that our relationship had deteriorated quite badly. I'm very upset that she didn't call me and end up ringing her several times to demand an explanation. she says that it's over and that we could never date again in the future. She wishes me a good quarter and we hang up. I call her once more, immediately after, to say that I would have loved her forever and we leave it at that. I contact her occationally through IM off and on over the course of a few months and she respond at first, even contacting me from time to time, before (in december) ignoring a 'Merry Christmas' message and then more or less shutting me out completely. The other stuff I mention above happened in September, by the by. I stay resolute in contacting her in what I percieve to be a friendly manner. I'd post an example but I have deleted all those messages as of the end of December... One day my friend tells me that when he attempted to ask her how she and I stood she blew up at him and shut down their conversation. This signifies to me that it's over. In response to that, I take her off my facebook, myspace, delete all her pictures and more or less throw out all the stuff she's left me. Before I burn her number and the ability to contact her I give her one last call (on christmas day of all days, though in Hong Kong , which was insensitive on my part) and basically wish her a good life. She says, 'What do you expect me to say?" I respond, 'Nothing.' She bids me merry christmas, happy new year and basically hangs up though I was more or less hanging up at the same moment. Despite all this, I try and contact her once every two weeks in an attempt to maintain a friendship until sometime in late January. She does not respond. Finally, at the end of January, she responds but to the effect that she has her father send me an email more or less telling me to back off or find myself in trouble (they are both in another country at this time and I have not spoken to her in a number of months, in fact, I sort of assumed she'd been deleting my message unread). He's not an english speaker by birth so I'm not certain of his intent but I took it to be threatening. I respond by saying that he shouldn't have to fight her battles but I will respect his wishes and stay out of her life for good. I have done so for the past 30+ days. What went wrong here? What are the opinions of the peanut gallery? My feeling is that it was over long before I realized it or she had the courage to say it. On the other hand, we were so good together when we were ACTUALLY together and it seems insane that something so trivial as distance should result in me losing someone who was my dear friend as well as my lover. I look for any and all responses. Thank you for your time and I appreciate anyone who read through this all - I tried to be as thorough and unbiased as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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