Should I or shouldn't I?

[Jetta]

So my ex-husband is coming over tonight to drop off girl scout cookies, and I know the real aim is sex. I'm debating about it but am aiming for no because I don't want to be used, and he's pretty clear about not wanting to reconcile. I had a male friend say I should because eventually I'd get him back. What do you say?

[honeyspur]

I say you are certainly at an age where you can handle being without meaningless sex - so say no.

But don't fake what might be a real thing for you.

Anytime we are in doubt, it's because we actually feel both things at once.

You don't want to be used - but you might also want closeness and pleasure at the same time. But you are also wise enough to know the closeness and pleasure is only temporary and it won't sustain your happiness once he walks out the door.

 

Think both sides over carefully. You can have sex, fun and enjoyment with him and be ok once he's gone - but you have to choose it.

If it's not you - don't do it, or you are sending mixed messages.

[shikashika]

... or you are at an age where you want meaningless sex... is it what you want?

 

go for it if you do... if not.. then don't!

[JoeWho]

I'm with Shikashika on this one. If you just want sex with no expectations or strings attached then do it, but if you are hoping to get back together then I would say don't do it.

[ImThatGirl]

Don't do it if you are counting on your friends words being a definite.

 

You said it yourself - You don't want to be used and he's not wanting to reconcile. Don't take that chance. If you do, it will be like rejection all over again when you realize that having sex meant nothing to him and isn't working to get him back.

[Dako]

Ask yourself what you'd feel like after having sex with him.

It may just stir up painful feelings for you.

[annie24]

cause having sex with an ex ALWAYS leads to people getting back together.

 

I disagree with your male friend, as you can see on this message board, tons of people are having sex with their ex in hopes of a reconciliation, but that only works like 1% of the time. the other 99% of the time, the ex is just happy to be getting NSA sex (that's no strings attached).

 

I thought you wanted this divorce?

[Jetta]

Thanks. I realized last time I'm not able to disconnect from him enough emotionally to just see it as an act. I saw how vulerable I really was, never have seen myself that way before. I just wanted to see what others opinions are about using sex to try an lure him back into my life. Really I'm starting to think that's all our relationship was based on since that's the one part of me he says he misses. Lord knows it's been a while and that aspect appeals but then I'd be high and dry again so there's no point in opening the door.

 

 

Annie - I did want the divorce until I lost my daughter.

[annie24]

and he is serious about not reconciling? you know, in that case, i wouldn't. why reopen old wounds? if he doesn't want to reconcile, then you need to start moving on, ASAP, and start healing. what's done is done, all you can do is move forward, and i don't think that sex with the ex counts as moving forward. take the cookies and say bye.

[Semid]

Jetta, when you have sex to have the good parts of the relationship sooner or later you will have the bad parts too.

 

You are willing to reconcile, and he is not. So my advice is not to jump into the pool, maybe there is not water in there and you can come out with a broken leg.

 

Take care of yourself.

 

Sex won't help to reconcile. it is just a fantasy

[boston23]

I definitely think that sex with the ex is always bad, even if it's good

 

Even if sex could lead to reconciliation, it would still be reconciliation based on sex...which is not what anyone wants. Get the Girl Scout cookies though; they are never bad.