Question for the Men

[studio781]

I just read a poem this morning and it made me wonder a man's point of view. A man who I haven't slept with yet but we have been wanting to sleep together, huge chemistry between us, I texted him and told him my dream night with him would be to light some candles, leave his door open and I would come in and make love with him. Would that turn you off if you were extremely attracted to a woman?

[Batya33]

Is this the man you're thinking of having an affair with? I would think if the man is extremely attracted to the married woman and believes he is going to get sex from her that it probably wouldn't matter what she wrote as long as it confirmed that he was going to have sex with her. As far as the substance of the text, it's cliche and it's a text (meaning that he might wonder if she cuts and pastes it to every man she is pursuing for sex with her) so it might not be seen as the most creative or direct (meaning confident) way to tell someone you want to have sex with them.

 

I don't think the term "make love" in a text like that is any different from "have sex."

 

I have a feeling that a woman's point of view works just as well in this situation (if it is the same man you referred to in your earlier post).

[Stu147]

I just read a poem this morning and it made me wonder a man's point of view. A man who I haven't slept with yet but we have been wanting to sleep together, huge chemistry between us, I texted him and told him my dream night with him would be to light some candles, leave his door open and I would come in and make love with him. Would that turn you off if you were extremely attracted to a woman?

 

 

Hi Studio,

 

Would that turn me off? Easy answer for me, no way! I can't see how it could possibly turn a guy off. At worst you might find that some of the romantic touches are lost on the guy, depending on whether he is a romantic or not, but the core idea of the girl, who he is really into, coming into his room and making love to him is a winner on it's own. I'm sure he will love your dream, and that you have shared it with him. And I dare say he will have thought a great deal about it since your text!

 

Wish you all the best, take care...

[Blizzard]

I just read a poem this morning and it made me wonder a man's point of view. A man who I haven't slept with yet but we have been wanting to sleep together, huge chemistry between us, I texted him and told him my dream night with him would be to light some candles, leave his door open and I would come in and make love with him. Would that turn you off if you were extremely attracted to a woman?

 

 

No, no Studio...When did you text him that?

 

Blizzard x

[Stu147]

Thanks for the extra info Batya, I have now read Studio's previous thread.

 

Studio,

 

Whilst my original reply still stands I can't condone you having an affair. I am not going to moralise with you, to each his/her own, and I don't know anything about your marriage so I'm in no place to comment. But I ask you to think about this before you proceed. Especially with a guy who, as you have said in your own words, will offer you nothing more than just sex in the long term. Or has that position changed?

 

I still, however, wish you all the best...

[studio781]

I started to feel like I might be a one night booty call for him, I know it's just sex but I still want emotion and some caring, so I texted him that and I never heard from him again. I kept trying to contact him but that is when he ignored me. I was devestated that I even said that to him and scared him away. I should have been more casual about it but it is just not the way I am. I wanted more friendship from him and sex.

[studio781]

Blizzard,

 

I texted him that in November.

[Batya33]

I started to feel like I might be a one night booty call for him, I know it's just sex but I still want emotion and some caring, so I texted him that and I never heard from him again. I kept trying to contact him but that is when he ignored me. I was devestated that I even said that to him and scared him away. I should have been more casual about it but it is just not the way I am. I wanted more friendship from him and sex.

 

I have a question - did you have a wedding reception? Did your friends and family come to your wedding - travel there - and bring you nice presents? Did you have a bridal shower or engagement party too? Were they under the impression that they were celebrating your wedding and putting in that time, effort and money with the understanding that if you got bored you would chase after another man for sex?

 

Do you realize that you use "I" a dozen times in this short post and it is all about what "you" want from someone outside your marriage?

 

If you want friendship from a man you don't text him that you want to make love to him, do you? Imagine your husband finding that text - how would you explain to him that it meant that you wanted friendship?

[Stu147]

I started to feel like I might be a one night booty call for him, I know it's just sex but I still want emotion and some caring, so I texted him that and I never heard from him again. I kept trying to contact him but that is when he ignored me. I was devestated that I even said that to him and scared him away. I should have been more casual about it but it is just not the way I am. I wanted more friendship from him and sex.

 

Ok, so this was a past thing. Right, finally I've got where you're coming from. Excuse me, my brain is a little slow this afternoon!

 

As he was looking for just a little fun then your text could well have scared him off. That could be seen as either unfortunate or fortunate depending on your views on extra-marital affairs.

[Batya33]

Ok, so this was a past thing. Right, finally I've got where you're coming from. Excuse me, my brain is a little slow this afternoon!

 

As he was looking for just a little fun then your text could well have scared him off. That could be seen as either unfortunate or fortunate depending on your views on extra-marital affairs.

 

Or, since there was a record on her phone of it going to his phone perhaps he didn't want to be dragged into a messy court battle later or worse have her husband see a response from him on the phone.

[ImThatGirl]

Studio, Hun...... I'm hoping that you just need the answer to this to help you recover from this vulnerability and weak months you've had.

 

Please tell us why you don't turn to your husband? What keeps you from looking his way instead of looking elsewhere?

[TheFoglifter]

As a man, the part of the poem that would matter the most to me is "and I would come in and make love to you".

 

It would annoy me to no end, however, if a woman sent me that, then said "oh, I changed my mind" or worse "I was just playing around, I wasn't REALLY going to sleep with you". Thats the point where I'd be unable to trust the person anymore -- not that I had much trust to begin with in a cheater.

[Blizzard]

Blizzard,

 

I texted him that in November.

 

 

Hold on in there honey, it will get better. (Hugs)

 

This man is probably very different than you imagine him to be, and being with him is probably different than you want him to be.

 

Your making him anything you want to be in your head. It's a fantasy, a means of escape.

 

He has perhaps changed his number now and your texting some unknown person. He's not coming honey, it has been months. You have to, for your own sanity, let this man go.

 

Blizzard x

[studio781]

Blizzard,

 

I'm trying to let go it's just I guess I feel as if I lost him because of saying that. I know it's awful because I'm married, believe me I'm in counseling to find out where that's coming from, but if he really wanted me he wouldn't have run off. I haven't texted him in over two months but I still hurt because I really thought he liked me more than I guess he did. I was just curious if guys thought that was a total turnover to have a woman say that to them.

[studio781]

I meant total turnoff not turnover.

[Momene]

It wouldn't turn me off but I might worry about the burden of expectation and worry if I'd let her down if she felt less than 100% afterwards.

[ImThatGirl]

I know it's awful because I'm married, believe me I'm in counseling to find out where that's coming from, but if he really wanted me he wouldn't have run off.

 

 

I just want to point out that the way you say "find out where that's coming from" is like you are not taking complete responsibility of your actions and thoughts.

 

I know that sometimes we have a hard time making good judgement and that sometimes we become vulnerable, etc. etc. etc.

 

But I think you need to stand tall and make yourself get over this. You can fester over it for days or weeks/months on end. But I think the thing you need to be focusing on is what is wrong with your marriage? Not what you did to push the other man away.

 

Hugs~ Please don't take offense to this. It is meant to be helpful...

[Beec]

I just read a poem this morning and it made me wonder a man's point of view. A man who I haven't slept with yet but we have been wanting to sleep together, huge chemistry between us, I texted him and told him my dream night with him would be to light some candles, leave his door open and I would come in and make love with him. Would that turn you off if you were extremely attracted to a woman?

 

It might, it depends on the guy.

 

For some of me now, it's not an option but it might if I were single. If I were single and had not had any sex in a while, nothing would turn me off. I'd be there with the candles waiting. Otherwise, you are really undermining the "we want what we cannot have principle."

 

And since you are not single, I'd run like heck away. Work on your marriage.

[Dako]

If I got that message from a married woman, I'd feel sorry for her, and I'd run away.