Help - we work together and it's so hard

[Confused07]

My ex and I were on/off for about 9 months. We finally broke up for good about a month ago. I was devestated and I still think about him all the time. The worst part is that he never really gave me a reason. He had so many secrets. I know that it is for the best b/c I was never comfortable in the relationship - when it was good, it was soooo good but all the rest of the time I was stressed and unhappy. So I know that this break up is for the best. The worst part though is that we work together and I have to see him daily. We are trying to remain friends so that we can function at work together but everytime I hear he is going away or he has plans (he never says what) on the weekend I can't help but wonder if it is with another girl. How do I just let him go? I don't want to get back together, but I also can't stand wondering if he is with a new girl - how do I get over this? Please help!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I'm sorry, that is soooo hard when you have to see the person all the time...

 

...in cases where someone breaks up with you and doesn't give you a reason, especially in a situation like this where he knows that he will have to see you afterwards, there usually is a *hidden* reason for the breakup, usually another woman, or a desire to date other women.

 

he probably knows full well that if he told you he was dating someone else (maybe someone else you both know at work?), that you might be very angry or upset and behave badly and confront him or the new girl he is dating etc. this is not to say that this is what happened, but i think the safest thing for you to assume is that he IS dating someone else, and it really doesn't matter whom becuase he is no longer dating you. that way you can really start your healing, and get on with your life.

 

If you just assume he has someone else, then you can quit waiting for the other shoe to drop. The only other thing to do is to try to ask him one last time to give yourself closure and explain the reasons for the breakup. He might tell you, but he might not, especially if he is doing something like dating someone else at work, because he doesn't want any scenes between you and him or you and her...

 

so you need to really dial back the friendship to the point where there is no contact other than the minimal essential to do your job. no socializing, no 'how are you doing', no trying to find out information about him from other people you work with.

 

you have to treat him like he was married or otherwise totally unavailable to you, because essentially he is, especially if he is being close mouthed about his activities. and if you are hearing he is going awy or has plans on the weekend, and he doesn't tell you about it, i would really assume that he has someone else already, or at a minimum is dating other people.

 

it is really hard get over a breakup when your ex is in your face all the time, but if he won't give you closure by telling you honestly his reasons for leaving, then you just have to assume that there is most likely a reason he *won't* tell you because it won't go over well and he is afraid of the consequences of telling you the truth.

 

and wouldn't a nice person, and a real friend, at least tell you the reason for the breakup and give you that closure? he's not that great a friend, if he was willing to leave you, and leave you hanging.

[robowarrior]

I think you got your answer 'it didn't work out'

 

And you people couldn't be completely open towards eachother, and that's definitly not a good thing in the relationship.

 

So although it was a hard decision its the best decision that you two could have made. Wether he has someone else now or not is not your consern anymore.

[ruby19]

I'll be working with my ex soon too...I might even be his manager

 

I just have to suck it up and act polite and professional I guess. Even though lots of people seem to meet and marry people they work with it didn't work out for us.

 

Hopefully it will be better by then, because I really like my job and dread the thought of having to hate going to work everyday.

[Jason1080]

I know the feeling all too well, Confused07. I go to school with my ex and we are in the same class for some classes. It gets kinda awkward cuz we dont talk and keep contact to a minimum, but it gets better over time.