update on my situation

[mariab.]

so readers on this forum know how badly my ex treated me our last time together-they also know his mail still comes to my house and he left some good stuff of his here too. Well, I thought alot of what to do w/ his mail, and to not be petty or malicious. I decided the best thing was to send it all back, since I've sent him his mail before, 2x, he had plenty of time to change his address. I also took all his stuff and donated it to goodwill, except for a camera which I gave to a friend of mine to use in Europe. The way I see it, its been a month and he has not picked up his stuff yet so its not important to him-it can also be that he thinks he can just hold on to me- that is have me still do things for him, since its ok for him to move on but not me. Wrong!! Once its over its over and he had ample time to step up and be a man and hasn't yet...Still have not received his unemployement check yet, which is the one that I am still debating whether to mail to him still or state. Comments, rants, or suggestions?

[Honey Pumpkin]

Well, I think a month is long enough to hold on to someone's stuff to be honest. If it were valuable/important, he should have come around to get it ASAP. I know I would if it were my possessions.

 

As for the unemployment cheque, I would return to sender... All I can say is that if it were my income, I would make very very sure that I had sorted that out! He sounds very feckless, and you're not his mother to be sorting him out.

 

I wouldn't do anything I would be ashamed of, if I were you, but I agree - I wouldn't be especialy willing to help him out with his life planning.

 

Take care.

[mariab.]

thanks honeypumpkin, I've slept well on my decision except today I ded dream about him going to Japan w/ a girl! weird...I hate it when I dream about him.

[pacopaco]

I went through a similar thing. My ex had her stuff at my place, basically using me as a storage facility for three months, while she found an apartment. her mail would still come. I demanded (politely) that she come and get her things. She started with the "why are you being mean?" I said I was not being mean, and having her things out of here was about me, not her. I wanted to move on. As far as the mail goes, I told herI would not longer be calling her to come pick it up, but I would be throwing it away like I would a pizza or supermarket flyer. She stepped up to the plate changed her address, and removed her things from my place pretty quick after that.

[PrincessDiana]

What is your take on this? He broke us off on 11/28/07. I am shattered. We live thousands of miles apart now. He sends the first of my things Dec. 7th...another batch Dec. 12th. He keeps my perfume, although he sent other glass articles back. He did not send my most meaningful belongings. I write him an email detailing what I want back on Dec. 26th. Jan 8th he sends all be 3 of the items on that list. He still has not sent them. Why? Why would he possibly be holding onto things I asked for when he KNOWS I did not even ask for everything I contributed to our home together. He has thousands of dollars of things I did not ask for back. My therapist is telling me to stay in no contact for now...but it does bother me. He started cheating on me 6 months before he broke us off, so he is nice and cozy with his new 28 (I am 47, he is 42) year old married mother addict.

 

I am not doing well with this at all even though the therapist is telling me the issues are his and not me. I cry...I miss....I hurt....I am so lonely.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Princess Diana,

 

You might want to post a new thread all to yourself, so you get a few more replies and thoughts!

 

As for WHY he's doing this with three of your belongings, I don't know. I could speculate, and come up with loads of possibilities (he's doing it to be mean, he's doing it to hold on to something of yours that you value, he's keeping mementoes, he's given the items to someone else), but I don't KNOW what's going on. Do you absolutely need these items back? Because I think that it's somehow giving him control over you still, because it's a way of making sure that you're still thinking about them and him, and he's still controlling you and upsetting you. I agree that it's best to not be in contact with him, because he is not good for your peace of mind, and you need this time to heal.

 

Take care.

[PrincessDiana]

Thank you for your time Honey Pumpkin and your suggestion that I start a thread. I did do that and it is called Question for Dumpers. I'd appreciate your thoughts. Thank you kindly for your time! I agree with you that he is not good for my peace of mind. But I would like to share and hear more only don't want to do it on someone else's thread. My apologies to Mariab. , in my own grief I inadvertently talked on some else's thread. Again my apologies!

 

Mariab. I hope that your situation is improving! I, first hand, understand the grief that belongings in their hands brings...and it is not grief of a monetary value, it is the emotional grief. My best wishes to you.