She lacking any sexual drive

[zippitt]

So I have been dating this girl for about 3 months now and due to the fact we both have busy schedules and she has her daughter every other weekend we have only had sex 3 times. Of course this is bugging me a little; I thought early on she just was getting used to us as a couple, now I am starting to get that relationship anxiety because I feel something is wrong.

 

All my X's seemed to enjoy sex as much as I do, this has never been an issue until this last GF. Of course she is the oldest I have dated yet, she’s 33 and I'm 30, she told me she had her first orgasm in her life only 2 years ago. And yes, each time we had sex I gave her one, unless she was faking of course.

 

She has had a lot of bad relationships in regards to passive aggressive emotional abuse. She is herself very passive sharing her emotions. Our physical intimacy is somewhat the same, she rarely makes an attempt of physical contact except for a kiss or putting her hand on my leg once in a while, not like you would think starting out a new relationship.

 

What I have noticed is if the stars align perfectly and she’s in a great mood, she can be very emotional and very physical. But I still have to instigate things for the most part. She did tell me about 3 weeks into the relationship her past BF's mentioned that she was not very affectionate. Her sexual energy is greatly affected by her stress levels and mood, I know this is more common for women, but she seems a bit extreme.

 

I know without a doubt she is very different to say the least as I have dated enough women to know she’s a bit distant with her intimacy. It just very frustrating because the wonderful passion you get with a relationship in beginning, the stuff that fades over time, isn't really there for the most part. It's like we are past the stage, but we never got to enjoy it.

 

Otherwise the relationship is great, we talk a lot, we go out when we have time, and her daughter is wonderful and always wants me around. My GF tells me how lucky she is to have me.

 

Just curious on any thoughts.

[emma34]

Maybe shes just not a very sexual person.

 

My advice is to take her on a weekend trip or something to a bed n' breakfast or something along those lines - since relaxing obviously seems to help. A little pampering and relaxing will do the trick.

 

If not, have a talk with her about it. Since you are expecting differently ask her about it...she will know whether or not this is normal for her. Maybe she is under a significant amount of stress lately and that is why she is physically unavailable - or maybe other reasons.

 

If otherwise your relationship is great, don't let it give you too much anxiety...the sex thing is likely more important to you than it is to her.

[kr356]

She has had a lot of bad relationships in regards to passive aggressive emotional abuse.

 

that screams out to me, it's been 3 months, if she has had these bad relationships she is probably just incredibly wary and not wanting to get into one of those relationships again, even though she knows that you are different.. all relationships even the bad ones you think they are great before they start the abuse..

 

To me, it sounds like she is just wanting to tread lightly until she feels completely secure.. and as much as it may be frustrating that you aren't being intimate as much as you would like and you feel like you are not experiencing the 'honeymood period' with her.. if you really enjoy being with her I suggest you give her some time and try to be understanding, talk to her about her lack of affection and ask if there is anything you can do to make her feel more comfortable etc.

[donna4700]

I'm a 26 y.o. female and I have the same problem as your girlfriend! I have been married for 7 years (in April). My problem is I don't have a sex drive or feel "horny". My husband and i have tried everything and yet nothing has helped. unfortunately this has been the cause to most of our marital problems, because he can't understand why i don't have the feeling, and i can't seem to get through to him that I really want to be the initiator and I want to have those feelings but I'm just not.... Talk to her and have her talk to her GYN, if its not chemical... then its emotional.. and i would hate to see you have the problems like we do! if there is any advice on this problem please help!!