I'm really in need of some advice... (long)

[grumbly_bum]

Hey people, this is my first night of posting here and I was kinda hoping someone might be generous just to offer me some advice or tips.

 

I guess I feel kinda stoopid posting this, because the whole idea of a "cyber relationship" just seems really immature and stuff. But basically I've kind of just broken up with a girl whom I was having one with, and I'm really struggling to cope with it.

 

I started talking to this gal a good 16 months ago now, and we really hit it off right away. I don't know what it was about her but she really did make me feel special, and I've never had these kind of feelings about anyone. We ended up e-dating after talking for about a month. I was 20 at the time, and she was 16. I guess we pretty much spoke to each other every day, either on MSN or via the telephone. I ran up about two thousand dollars worth of mobile bills talking to her, but I didn't care... I've never been able to hold a conversation on the phone but to her we would go for four hours on a quiet day.

 

Anyway, after being together for around sixteen months talking non stop via MSN, webcam, and the phone, things kinda drifted apart... Despite me trying to convince her to meet me (we live about a 20 hour drive apart), just to see what happens, she always managed to find an excuse to not do it. And despite me trying my hardest to make her feel like I was a part of her life it wasn't really enough. In our time together I've sent her a few letters, a teddy and a card for her birthday, some flowers on Valentines day, and that's about it...

 

So I guess I started to get upset and tell her that, which ended up leading to arguments, which ended up leading to her making out with a guy on my birthday. We were pretty much on and off, arguing and deciding to call things off non stop for the next three months. I really wanted to be with her, but I seriously doubted she felt the same even though she was telling me she did. I know that she's young and that I should know better, but I just couldn't stop how I felt. So about a month ago, she decided to see a guy and tell me by not talking to me until I pestered her to ask if she had met someone. We tried being MSN friends, but that didn't work because I couldn't shut my feelings off for her...

 

But about a week ago I decided she has caused me so much stress, she's made me lose my best friend IRL (she had feelings for me at the time and then WE constantly argued because I guess I was putting my internet girlfriend ahead of everything else...), she's made me cry my eyes out, and it's all basically been for nothing. She's been so two faces to me, telling me one thing, and telling other people another thing. I was depressed, I was upset, I couldn't handle it anymore... So I deleted her mobile number, blocked/deleted her MSN, and closed my myspace page.

 

This is the longest I've gone without talking to her now, I've tried to do this before because we were on/off for so long but every time we both ended up trying to talk to each other and telling each other just how much on the same wavelength we were. Of the few relationships I've been in, I've just never gotten along with someone so well, or been so sexuall attracted to anyone. And I haven't even met her...

 

But now I think it's for good, but I'm having so much trouble just forgetting about her. I think about her 24/7, I was SOOOOOOoo close to sending her flowers and stuff, I even started reading her comments on her friends myspace pages (saying bad things about me too The more I do it, the worse I feel, but I can't stop myself...

 

I guess I just wanted to know what other people have done to try and get over an ex. I guess it's the same thing wether it's online or not, but I'm just feeling so miserable that I just wanna call her, or open up MSN and just give her a big virtual hug

 

Like I said, I feel really immature and stuff but I just can't stop these feelings for her or thinking about her, and it's ruining my life... I dunno what to do...

 

Wow, I just realised how long this post was and that noone will even bother to read it. Oh well, at least I got some steam off my chest

[artery]

An insomniac has just read your message and thinks..

You have to stop identifying your existence with hers. Keep on not talking to her maybe leave one avenue open for her to contact you just so you aren't bothered by the idea that she may be trying to contact you.. Do an intense week or month of you you you. Hang out with friends, read, do things that will help boost your self esteem and get you remembering what is so great about you and your life without her. Be generous with yourself and give yourself time to get over this. Even if people say bad things about you on her myspace forget them. I can't tell you how many awful things my ex's friends have said about me and ya know what they were wrong and silly and immature and he realized that later, but guess you didn't care... This has nothing to do with you, this is really her age, 16 is just a confusing time, and you may have been getting the best out of her through this long distance relationship. I'm sure she is unsure of herself and scared. So give it all time keep searching for other possible relationships, and perhaps you should try to gain some closure with her, cap it off. Your life has been so focused on her that it will take some time to unsaturate yourself. My advice is to create create create.

[Honey_30]

It is really hard to just STOP talking with someone..that you spent almost every day talking with either on msn or phone or whatever.

 

It is gonna take some time to get used to not speaking with her, im guessing she has your email addy so if she wanted to contact you she could.but removing her from your msn is a wise decision, and deleting her mobile number also.

 

I wouldnt even think of getting into another relationship whether it be online or in RL... not just yet anyhows.

 

You need time away,, and slowly as the days pass by you will think about her less and less.I ve been through it and it isnt easy, but if all it does is cause you stress then it isnt worth going through it.

 

Take time away from the pc, go see people that you know offline, start a new hobby or something, you will be ok,, time heals hun.

[chocolady]

Alas, the perils of not meeting before you let your emotions flow. And I'm not preaching, I've done it myself.

 

I guess what gets us through is not taking it personally and understanding that inside them there is some sort of doubt, whether it be meeting up and falling for each other, because that has it's own problems- will he/she expect me to move away from family and friends somewhere down the line?

 

Or just that reality hits home, that this is turning real now and could possibly be a long term relationship then they are not ready for that or the explaining of herself and YOU to her family and friends whom all will be sceptical.

 

Or, it could just be that they think that meeting off the net is for weirdos. Unfair I know seeing as they have never met you or given you to chance to 'prove' your not.

 

Whatever it is, and it could be a combination of all those things, or something completely different, somewhere inside them despite really liking you they have doubt and cannot see a long term future and don't want the hassle and all we can do is accept that it wasn't meant to be.

 

What worked for me was staying off the net for a while, understanding that somethings we have no control over,it's not our fault they have doubts and this works....Hold your head high and say to yourself.... IF NOT YOU, THEN SOMEONE BETTER!!

[desert_rose26]

g'luck to you, you've got some great advice.

[grumbly_bum]

Thanks for the advice guys, I'm slowly but surely getting used to not having this in my life anymore...

 

Chocolady, you're exactly right. In fact, it's amazing how much free time I have to devote to more constructive things other then chatting away on MSN. I guess it's good.

 

Like everything in life, it's always hard, but I guess we usually find a way to prevail...