Friends huh?

[craigm]

A link to my story -->

 

Turns out... one of my friends, that i trusted with telling stuff to, and helped me through my breakup the past month, has been sleeping with her for 3 weeks. We broke up 4 weeks ago. They are in love. I feel like I am at square one again.

 

Shes in Quebec right now with all her older friends for the week... why did everyone change? I feel so betrayed.

 

Any advice? I feel like I did 4 weeks ago when we broke up.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Craig, i am sorry to hear this. it is always a huge blow when one finds out an ex is dating... it could be she broke up with you because she did want to date other people, but most won't say that becuase they don't want you focusing the anger on the person she wants to date...

 

i think now would be a good time for you to go into no contact with her. and don't try to follow her activities or who she is with or what she is doing. if you have mutual friends, tell them not to talk to you about her for a while, until you have gone through your healing.

 

best of luck, it is hard, but at least you now know she has moved on and you need to get on with your healing. if you get out with your friends and try to have fun and meet people rather than think about what she is doing, it will help you get better.

[FallenAngel00]

Unfortunately, it sounds like you had some rather horrible friends - It happens to the best of us. I have no answer for you on how you can feel better. These things always take TIME (i hated hearing it when i went through my breakup) - But you will say the same thing one day. Try to keep yourself occupied with different things... start a new sport or activity... Exersize actually boosts your mood.... but i know if you are in that first phase of depression, you wont want to do that. Just take it one day at a time... in most places you can go see a free "counsellor" to relieve some of your emotions. Im so sorry this happened to you, but life does go on, and you will one day be happy again.

[macgyver4ever]

My situation was similar, but not as bad.

 

I was planning to propose to my ex (girlfriend at the time) during a trip we had been planning. I had not told anyone expect my mom of the plans, and finally got the nerve to tell my best friend and roommate of my plans. I told him, and he sounded shocked. 2 days later, at a birthday party for my roommate and girlfriend, he made out with her when she was drunk.

 

This ended the proposal and the friendship, but I could not move out until I found a new place and had money. I was stuck living with the person who "ruined my life" for another 4 months.

 

My ex never forgave herself for what she did and went into self destruct mode and eventually pushed me out of her life. We have been broken up for 2 months today, and on NC for 5 days.

 

I do not talk to my "best friend" anymore. I tried to be friends with him again, but I realized he is not someone I want to be associated with or know. Friends don't do that, not matter how drunk they are.

 

I know how it can feel right now. The world is shattering around you. Just give it time, figure out your priorities in life, and if you need it, go to counseling. They will help you sort out your thoughts and emotions. Time and distance will help heal this wound. This happened to me 10 months ago, and I will tell you it does get better. You will always feel some hurt, but it gets better.

 

Remain calm when the "Secret Lover" commercial is on TV. Don't break stuff like I feel like I want to.

 

PM me if you need any advice.

[Zaphod]

Move on man. You can get better friends and a better g/f than that for sure.

If I was your friend, sure I might have got together with her, but ya can bet out of respect for you I would have waited longer than one week, certainly.

 

He is within his rights to go out with her, it's just very insensitive of them to go for it one week after her splitting with you - doesn't this fellow worry that she's on the rebound as well?

[craigm]

Move on man. You can get better friends and a better g/f than that for sure.

If I was your friend, sure I might have got together with her, but ya can bet out of respect for you I would have waited longer than one week, certainly.

 

He is within his rights to go out with her, it's just very insensitive of them to go for it one week after her splitting with you - doesn't this fellow worry that she's on the rebound as well?

 

He told me this isnt a rebound. He told me it wasnt just a fling. He told me that they are in love. I'm trying to move on. Trying very hard. I can go out with friends, or be with another girl but everything in life reminds me of her. Movies, music, tv. Im going to try to seek counciling, I hope it helps.

 

I know people will tell me: get a hobby, exercise, blah blah. I can try all of that and it works for a while, then I'll get side tracked and her face and her voice is in my head.

 

Whats worse is that this is somehow good for me. Shes a completely different person and I cant accept that its for the best, even though I know it.

 

Im a wreck.

[macgyver4ever]

I've been there, I know the feeling. My ex turned into a different person as well. It makes you question a lot of things in your life. Just hang in there. I know it is hard, but it is very true.

 

Working out is great because it clears your head. It is a good way to think clearly, and get finally wrap your mind around what has happened. Spend time with family and friends. People who really care about you.

 

I was with my ex for 4 years. She was the sweetest girl for 3.5 years, then got so bitter and full of resentment that she push me away. She was seeing someone behind my back for 4 months before she told me she wanted a break. She is no longer the girl I fell in love with. I still struggle with that fact, but remind myself that I do not want to be with the person who treated me like garbage. I want the old person back but it is not possible.

 

If it was meant to be, she will come back. Your best bet to heal and move on is no contact. This website is also a great outlet. Seeing people in your shoes will help you heal.

 

Right now it may seem bleak, but trust me, it will get better. It's been 2 months since I broke up with her, and only 5 days since she told me it was completely over. I've grown a lot, and you will too.

[craigm]

Thanks all.

 

Another setback today... I found out she could be pregnant. Shes had 2 threesomes with people she barely knows and my friend had to tell me this. I dont want to know anymore... I feel so sick all the time...

I got 0 hours of sleep last night, all I pictured was her having sex with other peope, multipl people because she has been. Ugh. Its disgusting, shes 16 and I know this isnt her.

[Zaphod]

I dont want to know anymore...

 

You're contradicting yourself. You seem like you very much DO want to know. Which one is it?

 

I think you ought to take that sentence you've written there and read it ten times, then read it again ten times tomorrow.

 

This is not your problem.

[Zaphod]

Thanks all.

 

Another setback today... I found out she could be pregnant. Shes had 2 threesomes with people she barely knows and my friend had to tell me this. I dont want to know anymore... I feel so sick all the time...

I got 0 hours of sleep last night, all I pictured was her having sex with other peope, multipl people because she has been. Ugh. Its disgusting, shes 16 and I know this isnt her.

 

She has a brain and can make her own decisions. She might have been one person once, but is obviously not that person now.

Don't survive on just nostalgia. You have to open your eyes and see the situation currently.

[PrincessDiana]

Do I ever relate to how you are feeling as nearly the same thing happened in my 7 year relationship. He abandoned me when I was suffering with anxiety attacks and broke off our 7 years together with an email. He gave me no reason, other than he was left with no words as to what is there to say when it's over. Some friends of mine did some checking to find out he had been sleeping with a woman he hired for 6 months while he was carrying on life with me until I became sick. He then took a "break" for 28 days until I asked for communication and then he broke off with an email. He still has retained a few of the belongings I have requested via a list by email. I have NOT contacted him since he broke off, other than an email to list what I wanted back and to send some information via snail mail for tax purposes. The documents were sent with a cold note in which I did not even address his name. He turned cold on me so suddenly that it has been paralyzing. I have never seen someone turn to cold towards another that they claimed to have loved! I am praying for this freeze to thaw out as I need warmth and love. This happened 11.28.06....and last contact from him was 1.8.06 in which he said he had sent all of my items...although he hasn't.

[PrincessDiana]

Oops...last contact from him was 1.8.07. It has been very hard, but I have maintained by dignity and self respect and once he broke "us" apart, I made no attempts to win him back. I don't want to win a cheater back. Cheaters are empty, selfish shells of human beings that have more issues that they can contend with so they work those issues out on our time and our hearts. I still love him, and I miss what we had, and could have had until death parted us. My only desire for revenge is that he will someday realize what he threw away and what he had in me as a mate....because he had someone that loved him heart, mind and soul and was loyal and faithful to him. He deserted that for a 28 yr old (I am 47) married mother addict.

[craigm]

I must be going through some kind of denial stage. I don't want her back for who she is now. She disgusts me and our friends. If she wants to think shes in university at 16 then so be it.

 

But at the same time... I want to hold my baby again.