Social Anxiety

[horty232]

Lately i have been really shy and reserved and im afraid to talk to anyone. I always think that everything i say will be judged or that i will judged. I've also become extremely shy when i'm alone and cant look anyone in the eye and dread simple things such as saying hi to another person. I'm a genuinely caring and overall nice guy and i just don't know why im so afraid to do such simple things. When I'm with my friends I'm confident and usually can talk to anyone, however as soon as I'm alone I freeze up and become extremely insecure. What can i do to get over this fear of pretty much any social situation thats outside my comfort zone and what can i do to not get over but better deal with my shyness.

Thanks for any responses

[Kalika]

Hey horty,

 

I have a question.. Are there some environments that are worse than others? As in, are you less social in a bar or a club than you would be at a gathering in your house, or at a friends'?

 

Oftentimes, to get over fears, it takes practice. Meaning, if you're afraid, just force yourself to go up to people and say hi. Chat them up, just for practice. See what happens. Worst case scenario, they end up not really saying anything to you, and it's no big loss. If they do talk to you, that's great! You have a stranger to practice your communication skills on.

 

Is it so bad that you've considered professional counseling?

[isisastaria]

sounds like what they call social anxiety disorder. I'm sure it's easily fixable. It can be brought on by trauma or just stress....

 

try googling that. It might give you some good insight.

[horty232]

Hey horty,

 

I have a question.. Are there some environments that are worse than others? As in, are you less social in a bar or a club than you would be at a gathering in your house, or at a friends'?

 

Oftentimes, to get over fears, it takes practice. Meaning, if you're afraid, just force yourself to go up to people and say hi. Chat them up, just for practice. See what happens. Worst case scenario, they end up not really saying anything to you, and it's no big loss. If they do talk to you, that's great! You have a stranger to practice your communication skills on.

 

Is it so bad that you've considered professional counseling?

 

 

its actually the opposite, when I'm in a less crowded place i feel more anxious and more "scared" of talking to people. Its more of the one on one factor that i tend to freeze up and not know what to say. Ialso live in a dorm room where i see new people everyday...so i will try to practice talking to people like you said. I know it sounds silly to be afraid of one and one interactions and i know it...but when the time comes i just freeze up and i feel like everything i do the other person is judging every move i make (which i know is also not true) For some reason i just cant get past that.

[quietgrl]

Do you think more or less people are suffering from Social anixety now a days?

 

 

I did some research and found a support board for SA

 

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[Celadon]

Maybe you could practice social success in your mind. If you had a great conversation with someone new, what would that look like? What would you say? How would you feel? Sometimes when I'm intimidated, it's because I fear the worst or I'm not prepared and don't know what to do or what's expected of me. Preparation and practicing, especially in your own mind, helps.

 

Also, it sounds like you are taking this personally and that you are particularly sensitive. I understand that. But to tell you the truth, often social interactions are more formula than personal. Does that make sense? Person A walks towards person B and says, "Hi. how's it going?" and person B says, "Great, how're you?" and Person A says, "Fine." And then they're done. Both Person A and Person B may NOT be fine, but they're just going through the usual social ritual. The good thing about that is there IS no judgment on you. You're just doing the regular routine, right?

 

Likewise, I heard a guy say recently that the key to starting a conversation is to keep things light and superficial -- almost trivial. Why do you think people talk about the weather so much at first? If you talk about something that's not threatening to either of you (In line at your dorm cafeteria: "Well, another day, another hamburger...") you can then move on to talking about you or the other person: "So what do you usually get here?"

 

In other words, you CAN protect yourself from unpleasant social situations and feeling judged by keeping conversations light and not sharing much meaningful personal information until you know/trust the person. Hope that helps!

[Brooke657]

We kind of have an opposite problem. I never think about how people are judging what I'm saying and I always judge what everyone else says. I know that's not the most attractive quality but it's true.

[Kalika]

its actually the opposite, when I'm in a less crowded place i feel more anxious and more "scared" of talking to people. Its more of the one on one factor that i tend to freeze up and not know what to say. Ialso live in a dorm room where i see new people everyday...so i will try to practice talking to people like you said. I know it sounds silly to be afraid of one and one interactions and i know it...but when the time comes i just freeze up and i feel like everything i do the other person is judging every move i make (which i know is also not true) For some reason i just cant get past that.

 

Hey, you're in college? Maybe there's a public speaking class you can take. Seriously, look into it. Anyways, as far as being judged when talking to people.. Well, you are, in a sense. We all are. People need to talk to you, watch your visual reactions, etc, to size you up and determine what you're all about. That's a natural human reaction.

 

It may help to learn how to talk to people. For example, if you are talking to someone and they bring up a class they're in, or how much work they have to do for a class, there's a million things you could say. You could ask them how they like their professor, or whether or not they like the subject in general, why they decided to attend your school as opposed to another one, what their workload is like, etc...

 

... and practice makes perfect

 

Another thought: your school will offer free counseling to students, at least a few sessions per semester. You should definitely look into that. A counselor will be able to give you good tips, and may even be willing to let you practice your convo skills on them!