Can someone give any advise on what to do??

[Shiva 2007]

Here is the short of a very long story, my boyfriend stole money from me, in fact he stole money from my bank considering that he took the money from my credit line, I am now forced to pay interest on top of placing me in a financial whole, I owm my place and I am terrified that this will destroy my credit and ultimately I will loose my house. He is still in my house and keeps promising he will leave, does anyone have any suggestions other then reporting him to the police of the best way to secure my credit and get him to sign some kind of promissary note to get at least some of the money back?

[isisastaria]

Why not arrest him? He STOLE your money!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if he is dishonest enough to tap your credit line and steal from you, a promissory note from him won't be worth the paper it is written on. you are treating him like he is and an honorable person who will honor his debt, but obviously he won't, he's a thief and a user!

 

do you have any other assets that he might have access to? credit cards, checks, bankcards, even your own identify information like social security numbers etc? You need to immediately freeze all those accounts and change the numbers, and get a credit reporting monitoring service to see if he is trying to establish new credit to borrow money or buy things in your name (fradulently).

 

Please protect yourself. i suggest you boot him out immediately, change your locks, AND report him to the police. if you are in serious financial trouble because of him and have reported a theft, you might be able to convince the creditors to work with you while you repay the debt, and can also prosecute him and be awarded what he stole in a trial or in a settlement with him if he plea bargains.

 

the only other thing i can suggest is to protect yourself, boot him out, and convince him to borrow the money from someone else in order to pay back what he stole from you. it's that, or reporting to police, or just assuming the responsbility for the loss and working with creditors to get a payment plan you can handle.

 

i am very sorry to hear that someone you trusted enough to live with you turned out to be such a horrible person, but please don't throw good money after bad or tolerate him in your house one more minute. please have friends or family with you when you tell him he must leave, and if necessary move his stuff out to a storage place first, then tell him he is out and change the locks.

[isisastaria]

AND...don't let a guy like this EVER move in with you again! Put your foot down and protect yourself, sister!

[EvaGina]

Take him to court, OR, if you dont want to call the police, get in touch with your lawyer and ask for help...

 

DO IT NOW

 

what a horrible person, get him out of your HOUSE!

[avman]

How did he steal it? Did he forge your signature on something? If he did - that's fraud and you can probably get your money back from the bank.

 

I would call the police and tell them exactly what happened.

[charley]

Actually, banks typically have fraud protection for this sort of thing so you won't be liable for it on a credit card or line of credit. However, to receive that protection, it's expected for you to report it to bank within 1 month of when it happens, and then either the bank or yourself would report him to police. In these cases, you are not responsible for the debt. The bank goes after him for the money, and he'd likely be prosecuted as well. However, to get the system on your side, instead of against you, you must report it in a timely manner.

 

Also, a promissory note is only as good and the quality of the person signing the note. If he's a scumbag, then a note would be worthless.

 

You need to go talk to your bank manager immediately. Do have him prosecuted for it because then the bank will likely consider you not liable. i.e. - you'd be off the hook for the money.

 

If you'd have reported this within 1 month of it happening, I'm sure your bank would have taken your side. If it's been over a month, they might not take your side. So then it's up to you to persuade them to your side. Your "BF" will have to be reported to police for the bank to have any sympathy or mercy on you.

 

Banks have fraud protection insurance to protect themself and you. However, you have to do your part and report this stuff in a timely manner to get system on your side.

[charley]

What I said above is based on the assumption that he was not an authorized user on the account - line of credit.

 

If he was an authorized user on the account/line of credit, then you're probably looking at a civil suit, which is a lot more difficult for you, but not impossible.

 

How much money is involved? Was he an authorized user on your account - line of credit? How did he get the money out of the bank? Did he forge your name? Details are important.

[Shiva 2007]

What I said above is based on the assumption that he was not an authorized user on the account - line of credit.

 

If he was an authorized user on the account/line of credit, then you're probably looking at a civil suit, which is a lot more difficult for you, but not impossible.

 

How much money is involved? Was he an authorized user on your account - line of credit? How did he get the money out of the bank? Did he forge your name? Details are important.

10,000 dollars plus 1,000 taken in small chuncks at a time. He was only authorized to use the credit card that had a limit of of 1,000 in it which was also linked to my checking for monthly automatic payments.

he took the money from an ATM, I stupidly gave him my credit card to withdraw some cash for me whenever I was ill in bed. I have a condition called endometriosis. anyway I am not sure if there is anything I can do about it since I gave him the card right?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you call his mother, you might be surprized to find she defends him, and blames YOU for this problem... if he is dishonest enough to steal, he could very well just lie and claim you are lying or crazy or whatever.

 

and he doesn't necessarily have a 'mental problem..' he could just be a selfish user, or a criminal, and you have just found this out. please don't make excuses for him, what he did is really wrong, morally and legally.

 

the people who might be most interested could be police and/or the bank. there are lots of con artists who do this over and over again to large numbers of women, get into relationships with them then drain them dry of all assets and move on.. so please at a minimum contact the bank and a lawyer, if the amount he took is substantial, and it sounds like it is.

[avman]

Hard to say. I'd at least call the police and the bank. $10,000 isn't something I'd just shrug at and go "oh well". That's a lot of money and I think you should certainly try to get it back.

[charley]

10,000 dollars plus 1,000 taken in small chuncks at a time. He was only authorized to use the credit card that had a limit of of 1,000 in it which was also linked to my checking for monthly automatic payments.

he took the money from an ATM, I stupidly gave him my credit card to withdraw some cash for me whenever I was ill in bed. I have a condition called endometriosis. anyway I am not sure if there is anything I can do about it since I gave him the card right?

 

I think that your credit card company and bank would have taken your side, if you'd reported him promptly. Say within 1 month after the fact, or at least within 2 months. Especially since you are handicapped.

 

Now if you let this go longer than that, then it's a 50/50 guess if they'd still take your side or not, if you were 100% healthy. However, since you are handicapped, I think they'll likely still take your side now.

 

I think you may be in luck if you immediately go to the bank and explain, and also get advice from them. Likewise explain to the credit card company, if it's a separate company from the bank. Start in the first place by telling them that you are handicapped. That will increase the liklihood of them helping you, and it's true. I think that you might be in luck and protected by either your bank or credit card's fraud protection. However, time is of the essense to get this reported to the bank, credit card company, and the authorities. The sooner it's reported, the more likely you are to receive help and have the debt excused from your credit. Then they'll go after him for the money and/or prosecute him.

 

My greatest concern is that it sounds like you didn't report this in a timely manner. How long has it been?

[charley]

Hard to say. I'd at least call the police and the bank. $10,000 isn't something I'd just shrug at and go "oh well". That's a lot of money and I think you should certainly try to get it back.

 

Start with the bank and credit card company first. You won't get as far with police, unless bank or credit card company backs you up, IMO. Also, when talking to police, I'd skip the police and ask for an appointment with the prosecutors office. If you can talk to a prosecutor or assistant prosecutor, I think they'd have a better understanding of these issues than the typical police officer. They should be extra understanding and helpful, if you tell them you are handicapped or chronically ill, which you are. There might even be extra legal protections and laws for you in your state because you are handicapped or chronically ill.

[charley]

Many states offer extra legal protections for people who are handicapped or chronically ill. In my state, those laws are to protect what the state calls "vulnerable adults". At the very least, you can expect some extra sympathy since you are chronically ill or handicapped, which can only help your case. At best, you might get extra legal help, including free help. At this point you need to use every advantage you can get.

[musicguy]

Umm, I would put his butt in jail, go to court and have him pay you back all the money he stol, leave him and find someone better

[charley]

Umm, I would put his butt in jail, go to court and have him pay you back all the money he stol, leave him and find someone better

 

He can't work when in jail. A work release program would be more productive. That way he could earn money to pay back either her or the bank. However, I do support getting authorities involved.

[charley]

10,000 dollars plus 1,000 taken in small chuncks at a time. He was only authorized to use the credit card that had a limit of of 1,000 in it which was also linked to my checking for monthly automatic payments.

he took the money from an ATM, I stupidly gave him my credit card to withdraw some cash for me whenever I was ill in bed. I have a condition called endometriosis. anyway I am not sure if there is anything I can do about it since I gave him the card right?

 

By the way, this is exactly why I keep my savings in one credit union (CU), and have my checking account, debit card, credit, card, and line of credit at another CU.

 

I keep the bulk of my cash in a separate CU from where my debit and credit cards are. I keep my line of credit limited to $1,000 as a backup to debit card, but a backup that is only for a small amount of money to cover an accidental overdraft.

 

I keep my life compartmentalized so that just in case something goes wrong in one area, like some SOB gets my debit or credit card, it can't affect my savings at the other CU. So if fraud ever occurred with my debit or credit cards, it can't affect my savings. I also have the bulk of my net worth invested in real estate, which can't be stolen, plus it's a good investment. I am also aware that my debit and credit cards have fraud protection, if I report it within a timely manner (within a month, or month and a half, or for at least within 2 months).

 

However, since you are a sick person, I think you might receive extra tolerance from the bank and/or authorities regarding the time limit to report fraud.

 

As a business person, former real estate investment consultant, and currently a real estate investment software developer and support manager, I'm professionally acquainted with the banking system, credit, and related laws in USA and Washington State. Credit unions are the best and most helpful. Commercial banks are less helpful to consumers (like you), but might still help.

 

Is your line of credit and credit card with a bank, or credit union? How long since the events happened? What is the time frame? How long did your illness last? Is it ongoing? These issues all have a bearing, or might have a bearing, on your situation.

 

I think it's possible that the bank might excuse you from the debt and go after him for fraud and report him to authorties. That would be ideal for you. That is what would likely have happened if you had reported this promptly. If you do not report promptly, you have less a chance of getting that best case scenario treatment. However, if you are handicapped or chronically ill, they are more likely to be sympathetic of your not reporting it promptly and still help you.

 

Now, if the bank or CU won't excuse you from the debt and go after him, you can still report him to authorities yourself and also sue him in civil court. However, that scenario is less attractive because you'd still be on the hook for the money, and a civil lawyer costs money. Perhaps the prosecutor's office would get the money from him, maybe. Not sure. However, the longer you've waited to report it, the lessor your chances.

 

Never the less, you might still have a chance, especially if you are handicapped or chronically ill because most financial institutions and prosecutors do have a heart, to some extent. Also, many states have extra laws to protect handicapped and chronically ill adults. Those type laws are called "vulnerable adult protection laws" in my state.

 

So you may still have hope of either being excused from the debt (excused by bank or CU), which would be ideal; or of getting the money from the scumbag. However, I can't really venture an educated guess until you answer the questions above (in blue). Then I can make an educated guess and provide better advice. However, my advice is based partly on USA federal laws and banking practices, and partly on the laws of my state (Washington), and I'm not an attorney. I probably know what I'm talking about. However, things could be different in your state. In my state, I know what I'm talking about. In your state, I can only make reasonable guesses. Please answer the questions in blue above so my guesses can become better educated guesses.

[Shiva 2007]

Thank you Charley for your responses your questions and advise has helped me a great deal to feel less helpless and more aware of what I might be facing if I wish to get all or even some of the money back.

To answer your question, my account is with a bank,(not with a CU) I discovered back in August that he had been taking money from me , I suspect however he had been taking money from me before then. As soon as I made the discovery I immediatelly put a stop in my checking account and advised the bank (I assume they may have this recorded in some computer).

At that time I was traumatized, and too absorbed with the shock of the occurrence to allow myself to look into any legal assistance, and or help from the banks; all I was able to do was seek the help of a therapist who has slowly helped me to get me back on my feet, in order to feel less violated.

I believe he is a compulsive lier and unfortunately I believe he will never recover from this, I forgot to mention that he had taken money from someone else with the help of some other lies (i.e. that I was hospitalized and that his mother had just passed away). Horrible!!! in all of this I still manage to feel sorry for a man like this. I guess that's why I'm in therapy.

My illness is ongoing unfurtunately, the pain associated with Endometriosis can be very debilitating, I already have had two surgeries and now I am having a miraculus pause from the pain (in remission I guess) however; I just discovered from a recent sleep study that I suffer from REM sleep disorder, sleep walking, sleep apnea, and restless leg syndrome. (all symptoms I'm sure aggrevated by the latest crysis and stress).

Thanks again for your very informed messages.

[musicguy]

I'd kick this boy in the nutz and take his money

[charley]

OK. Well, I wish it was a credit union because they are more protective of their members, as opposed to banks who tend to be more protective of themselves.

 

When I was in my mid to later 20s, I was very debilitated at that time from injuries and arthritis in those injuries. I was a semi-invalid at that time. Thankfully, I'm much improved in my mid and later 30s. However, when I was vulnerable back then, I had money stolen from my account several times from both a bank and a CU. Like you, I was ill and had to trust others. Also, I was not keeping as close a track of things since I was ill and not able to get around much. After I found out about it, I went to talk to both the bank and the CU about it.

 

The bank just tried to deny it ever happened and wouldn't investigate. I assume that is because banks are in business to make a profit for themselves and looking out for their customers is a secondary consideration to them, if they consider it at all. Without help from the bank, I could not gather the proof. So I could not get my money back, and I had no evidence to go to police with.

 

The credit union took it seriously and investigated their own records and found I was correct. They gave me my money back first, and then they took that money from him and informed him afterwards. He had an account at same CU, so they just withdrew the money from his account.

 

I did not report this to the police because in one case, I had no proof since the bank would not cooperate. In the other case, I had my money back since the CU helped me.

However, I should have reported it to police, at least in the case where the CU had found proof. Probably I should have reported both cases because the police could have compelled the bank (by court order) to look for evidence. I should have reported both cases.

 

Now at my other CU, where my debit and credit cards are, I've been reassured many times by their loan officer manager that if fraud occurs, I would not be liable for those charges, IF I REPORT IT IN A TIMELY MANNER, which means ideally within a month, or at least within 2 months.

 

The same applies to credit cards no matter who they are with, even with a bank. However, a CU is generally more sympathetic and helpful.

 

A CU would have offered to help you as soon as they heard of it, and maybe even offered to excuse you from the debit, when you reported it. A bank might not offer because they're more interested in their well being than yours, but they're supposed to excuse you from fraudulent credit card charges, if reported in a timely manner. So even if the bank didn't offer, they still have to do that if you report in a timely manner and then insist on it.

 

Did you just report it to a teller? If so, that's not good enough. You should have asked to speak to the manager.

 

Now, at this point, a big issue is proof and time frame. You did report it in a timely manner as soon as you found out. However, I assume that you didn't find out in a timely manner due to being sick and not keeping close track. This is why a person must monitor their accounts and credit once every month to protect themselves. That way, they know quickly if something is going wrong.

 

Now at this point, since you may not have found out in a timely manner, and because when you did report it, you didn't insist they excuse the fraudulent debt, and since this is a bank instead of a CU, it may now be to late to get help or sympathy from the bank. Actually, since it's a bank, they might never have been sympathetic anyway. CU's are much better because their mission statement and goal is to help members (customers), not to make a profit.

 

So at this point, taking time frame into account:

 

I suggest that you go to bank and ask to speak to manager. Explain what happened. Explain about being sick. Explain how this guy stole from you. Explain that you reported it as soon as you found out, but the bank didn't offer to help with the fraudulent debt. Ask the manager that you be excused from the fraudulent debt and that they go after the guy. This if the credit card is with that bank. If the credit card is with another institution, then you need to have this conversation with both the credit card institution and the bank. Now in the process of doing this, try not to alienate the bank manager. Be polite and try to be a sympathetic figure.

 

It's possible that the bank or credit card company (maybe same party, I'm not sure who your card is with) will still help you, even at this late date. They might excuse you from the fraudulent debt and that should be what you try for first. Then, whether they will excuse you from the fraudulent debt or not, ask them to advise you and help you gather evidence for the police.

 

Best case scenario is they excuse you from the fraudulent charges. That would have been a good liklihood had you reported sooner and insisted on talking to manager 6+ months ago and insisted on being excused from fraudulent charges. Now, at this late date, they might not do that.

 

However, whether they excuse you from the fraudulent charges or not, they may (they should) help you gather evidence to prosecute the guy.

 

Lastly, I suggest that you do go talk to your local police department, or the prosecutor's office about all this. Do this whether the bank will help you gather evidence or not. If the bank doesn't initially help, the prosecutor's office can compel them to help by giving them a court order.

 

No matter who you talk to about this, remember to tell them upfront that you are handicapped, chronically ill, and that is why this man was able to take advantage of you. You don't need to list off your illnesses, and to be honest, they won't want to hear those details. Just stick to the main facts about that - you're handicapped, chronically ill, in pain, and were unable to get out of house at that time, as as a result, this man was able to steal money from you and/or the bank.

 

Even though you are late to ask for help from bank manager (ask or insist on it), and late to report to authorities, you might still get help. The statute of limitations for criminal law and civil suits is many years. So this guy can still be prosecuted and you can still sue him in civil court.

 

However, suing him in civil court is only practical if you have adequate proof and can afford a lawyer. What you need is free help and that might come from bank and/or police/prosecutor's office.

 

Start by going to your bank manager and telling him the whole story and explaining the whole story, including your handicapped. Conclude by saying that the charges are fraudulent and you request to be excused from the fraudulent charges, and that you also request they help you to have this man prosecuted.

 

Next stop, either police station or prosecutor's office.

[charley]

Had you followed my above advice 6 months ago, I think it very likely would have resulted in you being excused from the fraudulent charges and him being prosecuted.

 

Now, all this time later to pursue that, it's less likley that it will happen for you, but it's still possible if you get right on it. There is no harm in trying.

 

By the way, after this is over and the bank has either helped you, or refused to help, but at least you've tried, then start banking at a credit union (CU). Actually, two CU's. At one CU, keep savings a savings account. At the other CU, keep near empty savings account, checking account, debit and credit cards, and line of credit.

 

That way you are then dealing with the most helpful and sympathetic type financial people. Also, you have some protection in the way you've structured things since a thief who has your credit or debit card can't touch your savings in the other CU. Also, keep you line of credit limit low, for fraud protection. Then lastly realize that you have fraud protection at any bank or CU, if you keep track monthly and report promptly, and a CU will want to help if they learn of a problem. A bank often has to have their arm twisted to help, if they even will then.

[Dako]

I agree with charley, and suspect that as you go though with contacting the bank, this man's family the police and everyone else, you'll be well-received. Anyone would be disgusted by him, and the law is on your side, once you document the theft.

 

Guys like him are despicable, and pull these crimes because they get away with it.

[charley]

She'll be well received by the police and/or prosecutor's office, at least with sympathy. If they can get proof, then they'll back that up with actions.

 

However, I do not predict she'll be well received at the bank for two reasons:

 

1) It's bank, not a credit union. Banks are known for covering their own butt more than their customers. At a credit union, they offer to help. At a bank, you usually must politely insist on it.

 

2) Due to passage of time, the bank will be less sympathetic and less interested in helping. However, since she is handicapped and has been sick, they should give her some extra consideration in all things, including the time frame.

 

Don't waste time explaining to a teller. Ask to speak to the manager. If necessary, make an appointment to speak to manager. Bring any evidence you might have. If you don't have any, then bring yourself and your story. Try for sympathy and request help. If that's not working, then politely insist on receiving help.

 

All that said, I think she still has a chance of succeeding, if she starts trying promptly and with determination.

[charley]

For right now, you need to get on this promptly with the info you've been given in this thread. Next Monday or Tuesday, you should be at your bank asking to speak with the bank manager, or if he/she not available ask for an appointment. Next stop, either police or prosecutor's office. Get on this situation next week ASAP. Don't even take the time to read those other threads now. Read them after you've talked to bank manager and police or prosecutor.

 

Talking to bank manager, and police or prosecutor, should be your number one highest priority in life at this time.

[charley]

I do NOT recommend contacting this man's family because that might just give him a heads up that you're going to do something about it. Then he could flee the area or destroy evidence before police can talk to him.

 

Don't tell anyone outside your own family and your therapist at this time. Give the bank and the police the element of surprise on this guy.

 

If you want to tell his family LATER, you can do that AFTER you've gone the bank and police routes and those things have fully run their course. Until then, keep your mouth shut about it in your local area. You don't want to give him warning to flee or destroy evidence.