Crying During and After Sex

[The_echo]

I really don't know how to write this. This is my 8th attempt, so give me a break..

My ex boyfriend was horrible. He.. did some stuff.. argh. He pushed himself on me.. without my consent if you get my drift.. And this was about 5 years ago.. I've had plenty of space to talk about it, my family is aware, the police was aware but decided not to take action because I was his girlfriend at the time.

 

Either way, I've made a world of progress. Abusive relationships really do mess you up.

 

I've been with a very kind man for the past year and half, and he's always been very understanding about my past. About 4 months into our sex life, I started crying during sex. I would get very close to orgasm and then have a flash back and basically curl up and didn't want anyone near me.

This went away in about 2 months. A few months later it came back.

I found if I feel really depressed that day, My chances of crying are greater.

Recently, I haven't been flashing back- sometimes I'm suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that I am being used or a sex object. And I just start crying. And then sometimes- after orgasm, I have this flood of just EMOTION (I don't even know how to describe it) and THEN i start crying.

 

I really want to know what's going on.

And yes, I know I need to seek therapy. I'm moving in september to be a part of a large therapy group. But, I really want to know if I'm just a crier.. or If I'm fine and I just cry after sex.

 

Either way, I would -really- like it to stop.

[chantal]

I cried after sex once , my ex broke up with me and then a few months later we had sex... but i guess this is a tottaly diff story..

If this man you are seeing hase serious feelings for you he will understand..

have you talked to him about this?

You have to realize!!!! that man that did that to you was a jerk! and not all men are like that , getting hurt is a part of life and in you case u got REALLY hurt.

Just remember when you are having sex with this guy that he is your angle and that if it wernt for all the bad things that had happen to you , you might not have found him.

" PERSONAL QUESTION" how do u have sex? is he in control or are you? if he is maybe that is the problem ,,, so why dont you take control? make it feel like you can stop this at anytime.. I know it sucks to be hurt and it is hard to forget... people care about you , and so does this man and it isnt his fault this happen to you and i can guess he is trying hard to help you pass this...

if you ever need someone to talk to you can private msg me and i will give u my msn ..

Good luck and live life with ur head held high

[kr356]

it's hard to say, the fact that you never used to cry during or after sex gives me an impression that maybe because you and your current boyfriend are

getting closer, and have been dating for longer, then maybe your fears of being hurt again like you were are getting worse and causing your more common flash backs.

 

I have never had my boyfirend force himself on me, but I was raped by someone close to me, and afterwards being intimate is a hard thing to do, having your partner know about your past helps, because they can start to understand that when things like this happen, it's nothing against them but you sometimes will need space rather quickly.

 

My partner and I have found that if i start to get a flash back, or feel uncomfortable, we stop and just hug or lay there together.. it does help..

 

but everyone is different and what works for me might not work for you..

[Meow18]

I think that you definitely have some issues that need to be worked through. And that's normal when you have been basically raped, especially when it's by someone who is supposed to care about you.

 

I would really suggest professional counseling. In my opinion, you are still being effected by something that happened years ago and even though you might not feel as bad about it, it still continues to effect you.

 

It's great that your boyfriend is so understanding of your past. He must be a wonderful person.

 

But really, you are still having issues with feeling used and hurt when it comes to sex. Getting some help with that will really help.

[J6hn]

You've subconsciously associated sex with negative thoughts such as being used as an object.

 

From now on, don't consider sex with your current, kind, understanding boyfriend as being just sex, consider it making love.

Instead of concentrating on what's going on, focus on your feelings for him.

 

Therapy will help, I wish you the best of luck. It's most unfortunate and unfair for you that some people out there are so disgusting.

[g1234567890h]

I'd have to agree with all the people suggesting thearpy. Cognitive therapy would work wonders.

 

My girlfriend used to have this issue. What happened was she used to get sad and talk to him, then as "payment" he would have sex with her. It wasn't entirely non-consensual- but close to it. For the first month we were having sex we had to stop several times because these bad memories kept coming up in her mind. There are a couple things that I could do in bed that would really stir up bad memories, so I just avoid those things and everything is fine.