samross Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 I told my ex at the last practice I would get the words to some songs we didn't know the words to. We are playing tomorrow night so I sent her the lyrics and I thought there was a song I couldn't remember and asked her if she knew what it was. I got no response today. Either she hasn't opened her email or she has and she doesn't want to respond. I needed to know so I could get on the net to get the extra lyrics 'cause I can't get on at home (no net right now). If I call my best friend and tell him he'll call her and she'll give him the answer so I will never know if she just didn't want to respond. What should I do? Just I be upset if I learn later she did get my email and just didn't want to answer my email? Link to comment
LostLoveinLosAngeles Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 Just get the lyrics yourself. It shouldn't matter if she call you or not. Stop making an effort, the only way something happens is if she make all effort my brother. Link to comment
samross Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 thanks for responding. I'm not sure if I've offended someone cause almost 40 people have read my question but you're the first to answer. Thanks again. Good advice. Link to comment
majord23 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 sam, Just relax mate - you are analysing something that, in the big scheme of things, is trivial. You sent an email that she may or may not have received yet, and you are trying to figure out what is going on with her. Try to stop yourself from doing that pal - you are worrying over something that you have absolutely no control over. And what is the point of worrying over things that we can't control? Imagine all the things in your life that you have no power over - now imagine how much of a mess you would be if you spent your day mulling them over.... That would take up an awful lot of time, huh? But just what would it change?....nothing. I know you're stressed mate, just do you best to stop sweating the small things and concentrate on that which you CAN control - starting with *you*. Link to comment
samross Posted February 15, 2007 Author Share Posted February 15, 2007 You are absolutely right. It is amazing how pain and heartache clouds my vision, and only because I let it. I need to learn to step back and not worry about small things. If she was with me and she didn't respond I guess I wouldn't think a thing of it. Thanks, friend... Link to comment
majord23 Posted February 15, 2007 Share Posted February 15, 2007 You are absolutely right. It is amazing how pain and heartache clouds my vision, and only because I let it. I need to learn to step back and not worry about small things. If she was with me and she didn't respond I guess I wouldn't think a thing of it. Thanks, friend... And it's natural that it will cloud your vision sam - don't worry, that will change with time. I can be the most irrational man on the planet when 'blinded' by heartache. Just keep posting here, and there'll always be an objective set of eyes to give a different perspective. Link to comment
disgruntledbaker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 the majord already addressed the issue masterfully (as usual), but i'd like to supplement him with a little story... my ex and i had a mutual friend that we met while we were together and both had grown very close to. during the breakup, this mutual friend was one of the people that i consoled in pretty often, because i considered her a neutral party since she wouldn't be predisposed to taking sides... long story short, suddenly the mutual friend stopped answering emails, im's, text messages, phone calls... you name it. i went nuts over the course of two days. was she taking sides? was she tired of hearing my whining? did she hate me now? was she behind my back telling my ex to get over me and move on? was she sabotaging me? was this all a joke and was everyone laughing at my expense? the paranoia was intense... turns out she was home sick for the two days, her cell phone gets no reception at her house, and the internet was down that week while work was done on her house. may seem coincidental (as i thought when she told me all this a few days later after finally getting all my messages and before my paranoia passed) but it was all the truth. lesson learned: let the little stuff go. relax. be yourself. be good to yourself and everyone around you. and don't let the paranoia take over... not very attractive. and don't be ashamed of the slip ups in this department... its an unstable time for anyone that happens upon this forum and mistakes are just part of the game. just try to have them here with more neutral parties like you have instead of with the people you live with in the real world. you might find out in a few days that everything that upset you wasn't truly what it seemed. and even if your intuition is right and shes intentionally not answering... aren't you both better off for not having that interaction? Link to comment
samross Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 disgruntledbaker: You are so right. And you're saying what I need to hear. I guess it's the not knowing that's hurting me (actually I need to quit worrying about it like you say). What's really strange is my ex is picking up my mom at my mom's house and driving her and her mom to the gig tonight. I think she offered to bring my mom as maybe a surprise to me becasue when I learned about it my ex sort of acted like it had been a secret. So maybe she just hasn't opened the email. I'm not going to worry about it. Regardless I need to let go of the small things. Trying to distinguish between the small things and the improtant thing is one of the hardest things to do when you're in pain. When in pain you grasp at anything to stop the pain. Reasoning and logic go out the window. Link to comment
disgruntledbaker Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 both are highly overrated... careful now, you're beginning to overanalyze again. overanalyzing the possible "good" can be just as bad overanalyzing the "bad" in the long run. its usually bad policy to "let go" of the things that aren't working like you had hoped or planned because hard work often pays off in the form of beneficial change. problem is relationships between people (especially romantic ones) seem to work the opposite way once you've passed the point of breakup... and like you said when theres pain involved its even harder to see that or act appropriately. no shame in it, or not seeing it immediately. we're sorta programmed throughout life to do the wrong thing. trust me, i'm the king of bad relationship choices... Link to comment
samross Posted February 17, 2007 Author Share Posted February 17, 2007 Well, you both were right. She told me she hadn't looked at her email for over a week and kept apologizing. Anyway, I'm starting to get the feeling that the door is starting to open again for me and her. She brought our moms to the gig last night and last night was like a dream come true. She seemed to focus more (a lot more) on me. We joked, laughed, sang, and had a wonderful time. Before things ended, the owner of the club proposed to his fiance on the stage and she accepted. I looked over at my ex and she was looking at me with a wonderful smile on her face... After the gig, I rode back with them instead of the guys. It was over an hour ride and we had a great time. We had long conversations about a lot of things while the moms in the backseat kept us entertained. She hugged me and it felt like she didn't want to let go. I am ecstatic but cautious. I didn't open any doors myself or suggest anything more than last night but it does feel like maybe, just maybe. One day at a time... Link to comment
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