Update 5 months post breakup.

[reborn]

Hi you guys,

Just felt the need to share with you my progress since having been dumped by my ex 5 months ago.

It was really tough and umberable at the beginning. When my bf told me he was no longer in love with me and loved me as a family member etc, it ripped my heart appart. I had not felt such pain for a very long time. It was horrible-- I wanted him more after this. And thanks to this site and some amazing friends, I managed not to humilate my self and persue him. How I did it, I have no clue. I put a mental security shirt on my self. HOwever I am so glad I did.

At first it was the roller coaster of feelings, the pain was umberable, specially in the morning. I got really skinny. No moment of the day did I not think of it. I was miserable the whole day long. Only when I was slepping was I ok. Waking up was the hardest. This is when I would realize-*beep* its not a nightmare, it is true! and also face the horrible feelings that realizing he no longer loved me brought on.

I struggled to make it one hour at a time, then one day at a time. Eventually I began having good days. Sometimes 2 in a row. Then I would have like 4 bad days, the rest better days. The weekends were the worst always. But eventually now it has gotten to the point were the bad days are few and in between.

Past the 4 month marks strange things started happening. for once my body upon waking up one morning lelt completely comfy to be alone in bed. It was a very weird feeling, yet very natural. It was like a click! Then I genuily enjoyed my own company. I no longer felt lonely and terribly miserable just siting by my self in silence. Even the sky and things around me took a different feeling. They were no longer sad and empty but preety and peaceful. I enjoyed my first weekend. And also did feel the desire to really do go out with friends. I didn´t cry the whole night and truly did have fun and even dance with a guy!

Of course they do call when you least expect it. Well, to make a long story short, ex has kept in contact but it is either for firnedhip or guilt. In any case. At first it will totally confuse me and set me off balance his once in a while emails. Now I can see them more clearly as... ok. Do I take the call? Last time ex contacted me he wanted to know my opinion on a politian. He likes my point of view on this type of stuff. I was really busy when he called and screamed at him almost "You called me for THAT??!!!" I mean I was not expecting a declaration of love,but think about it: A guy that dumps you 5 months before who treated like you have leprosy from the morning to night now is all interested about your quirky views on a local politian???????? And he called just for that believe me I know my ex.

Well, the best improvement I have done, which I have shared with you is that since 5 months I am no longer sure if I would like to come back with my ex. I mean I do love him and all, but it is as if the sand has settled now, the obsessive thoughts and miss you´s in my head and heart quieted, and now all I see is this deep wound that he caused me. I feel sadness now, cause I don´t know if I could really be able to be with him if he changes his mind someday. And believe me, part of me does want to be back with him. I love him. But now, I don´t know if I would give it all to be with him again. He hurt me. Before I wouldn´t care, now it naturally separates me from him somehow. Somedays, I can even think of myself metting someone else. Some imaginary man with no face though, cause I still do love my ex, and I not ready yet to be wiht anyone. Yet the fact that I am open to others is great. Before I couldn´t see it.

Finally it does still surprise and shock me that this person was able to push me so completely out of their life so quickly. It still leaves me in awe a little. I really do hope he knew what he was doing. I still do feel sad and cry he left me, and miss him terribly. But then think, sad as it is he chose this. Nothing I can do just keep on living and doing my own thing.

So there you have it. This is not some revolutionary thing. It is rather incomplete and I am so tired it is very badly written I am sure. HOwever I did want to share this with you. If someone just dumped you to my first 5 postings and see how devasted and bewildered I was. And see how much calmer I am now. If I could achieve this so could you. So have faith and be strong.

I still have bad days. I still don´t like weekend nights, I still think of my ex and miss him. And regret that this had to happen. But now I can differentiate between the person I was with and the person he is now. Not the same person it seems. Aceptance.... I guess that must be around where I am now. Thanks you guys for reading this if you gotten this far. I just needed to do this self reflection and wanted to share it with all of you out there.

[Progressive]

Good on you reborn!

 

I don't doubt that there will always be a little bit of you that sits there and thinks back to the "days gone by" - you wouldnt be human if you didnt! Also, now you have come this far, dont forget about the days that you had together, a lot of it has made you the person you are today. A little more cautious perhaps but essentially a stronger more powerful woman.

 

Acceptance is where you are now... good luck on the journey from there to the next better, happier place

[reborn]

Thanks progressive. Those are reallynice words and sweet mesage. Appreciate it. Sometimes I am afraid I will slip back to those miserable days. I am specially vulnerable after my ex contacts me. I am always polite to him and he wouldn´t be able to tell how it affects me. But I have managed so far. Just don´t be surprise if in the future I write about my bad days. Bound to happen you know. It is a journey. But just wanted to let everyone outthere know that it does get better.

[strawberrywine]

Hey reborn. That story really helped me out in a lot of ways. I guess it really is true that time heals all wounds, huh? I know exactly what you mean, that the person you knew is dead. I feel the same way. I guess people are just built to change, and thereforeeeee relationships change too. How long did the two of you date for? I'm really sorry to hear that it ended, but if it's meant to be it will be, and if not that you will find someone else. I should probably take me own advice though. I don't know if I read it here or on another website but someone said, "there are 9 billion people in this world, sometimes relationships just don't work out." I guess it means there will be lots of people in your life, some compatible with you, some not. Sometimes they change for the better, sometimes for the worse. You just have to hang in there, a couple more months and I'm sure you'll be out of the woods.

[oinmd]

Thank you for your update Reborn. My fiance broke up with me over two months ago and for the last couple of weeks, I feel like my down periods are slowly but surely getting shorter. My best recommendation is to just stick to your friends and family which is something someone on here told me, it may even have been you because your name sounds familiar. I have forced myself to be the stronger person and I am trying my best to distance myself as much as possible from my ex. I still love her and she still loves me. We want to remain friends, but at this point in time it is to hard for me. With time you do begin to realize that the other person really had more flaws then you had realized. Love can definitely blind you. Only time heals wounds.

[michelemybell]

Reborn,

Thank you for the inspirational post! I first visited these boards about six months ago when my ex broke up with me. We got into an argument, and that was it. No explanation, no other reason. He just ended it cold turkey. We had on and off contact via yahoo messenger after our breakup, but his words had no emotion or caring attached to them anymore, and it was very hard for me. Finally we just ended contact, and I heard he moved away, so we probably won't ever talk to each other again.

I decided to come back to this board because I was feeling kinda down. Your post was perfectly timed. I'm glad I'm not going through this alone, even though I wish nobody ever had to go through this.

But, I agree with you----there will be good and bad days, but we get through them. I'm definitely a lot stronger today then I was back then. I'm definitely putting the focus back on me, and pursuing things I've always wanted to do. Sometimes a breakup can be a catalyst to jumpstart your life and become a way better person. While I am sound that I lost someone I loved, and I am looking forward to my new life and all the wonderful things awaiting me. I'm glad you are doing the same!

Michele

[street]

i can relate to everything u have just said as its exactly how i feel at the moment, i myself feel so much better..i still love my ex and im pretty sure she still loves me but we just weren't meant to be together...

 

i just feel very sad that it came to this..

 

anyway im glad ur feeling better as i am 2, lets keep up the good work..

 

take care

[Genesis]

Hey girl,

 

I am so happy that you have peace! Look on the bright side weekends should be FUN! I love my weekends now! At one time I use to hate when SAT & SUN rolled around ,but now they are my favorite days of the week. Go out with your friends, or stay at home! When I am not out with my friends, I like to get a glass of wine, watch a movie , and turn on my bubbling foot spa , do my nails, and eat some pizza! Take a nice bubble bath, and give yourself a facial; It is like heaven! Have fun with your girls or by yourself, you do not need your ex to have a good time!!

 

The Bubbling Foot SPA rocks honey, you can get them at any department store!!!