Is anyone else this shallow?

[Slypknot]

Hi everyone! Time for me to get some help from all of you out there....

 

My situation is probably close to most. I was with a woman for 10yrs (married for 5) and due to many many many reasons - we got divorced about 1yr ago. So I'm still feeling the pain of all that and dealing with the loss as best I can.

 

My delimna is how shallow my life has seemed to become. It started when I decided I was no longer going to sit at home and sulk! I was going to go out with friends, go club'n, do all the things I missed out on when I was with my X for a large part of my life!

 

I feel fantastic when I go out, meet a few girls, and one of them shows interest in me. For some reason I'm on top of the world, life could be no better, I am a true man! The night is complete! This feeling lasts for quite a while and I almost dont mind spending a few nights at home, cleaning up, working out at the gym, etc.... I'm "fulfilled" in a retarted kinda way.

 

BUT - when I go out and get no leads, or the girls I met before fall through one by one - I feel horrible/empty....like I'm a loser or something. I start questioning everything about myself, am I too fat? am I boring? what's wrong with me? I get to where I almost dont wanna bother dating anymore - like what's the use???

 

I guess I don't understand why I don't feel 'happiness' in my life unless I have leads into another relationship with someone. I mean it's silly - but for some reason I base my own self image on what other women say/do to me.... yuk.

 

Any advice on this would be most appreciated! I'm up for trying anything to get over this....

[sphinx999]

well every1 needs sum1 in their life its human nature darling ur used to havin that sum1. my advice is wen eva u feel down invite sum mates around for a beer and hav a laff

[crybaby_7]

it sounds to me like you're just addicted to the "high" u experience when a chick is into u. u have to realize that u don't need some girl to pay attention to u so that u can feel like you're worth something- you're awesome whether or not u get picked up 0 times or 50 times. u don't need anyone to validate u- u are great on your own! keeping this in mind, if u just really wanna meet an awesome girl to experience a relationship with, my best advice is this: i find that if i go somewhere like a club and i decide not to think about or try to pick up guys, the guys come a running. it's like people can sense when you're on the prowl or something and that seems to send them running. don't think about or try to pick up so much- girls don't like super aggressive guys. good luck

[lauralied]

Slypnot,

Don't give up on dating. There is nothing wrong with the person you are, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in feeling incomplete without a woman. You are used to being in a meaningful relationship and I think you're looking for that kind of unconditional acceptance and presense.

 

I don't think going to clubs (bars are the same deal) will garner you many results as far as women looking for a serious or at least meaningful relationship. Maybe you should try other arenas. Whatever your hobbies and interests are, get involved in something social relating to those. Meeting someone through a friend is sometimes a neat opportunity.

 

You will meet someone. And it's OK to not feel so good about yourself when you are alone. Whenever you get those thoughts, do something constructive--go for a jog, spend time with someone in your life who cares, give something back to your community in some way. By being positive and proactive you are bound to meet someone great.