Hey guys I need your help!

[PrettyInBlack]

Well I use to know a guy who ppl told me he was bi so I asked him out and supposedly my friend told me he said yes then I told one of my bestfriends about it and suddenly it went around the whole school. Now this boy didnt want to cum out of the closet and he was pissed at me and wanted to kick my * * *. I regret telling my friend cuz she was a 2 faced b**** and I thought I could trust her.

 

Well last night I wrote this boy a message on myspace explaining how Im sorry for what happened and that I just want to be friends this is what I wrote:

 

Well you already know who I am of course. I know you probably hate me or dont trust me. ANd if you do thats kool but just let me expalin sum things. 1st of all, I'm sorry about what happened to you. But you have to know it was NOT me. I promise to god I did NOT say a wod bout you. If there is someone who deserves to get there * * * kick for all the things that went around the school it is my ex friend blank!!! That * * * * * and her fat * * * black friend Krisitn were going around telling ppl that we were going out. Karissa knew I liked you but the thing is she got pissed off cuz I told her I didnt want to be her friend anymore the 4th week of school. So she decided to makeup a lie bout me so then she started saying we were going out. I didn't even know anything about it till my friend blank told me she heard it. Then ppl started talking about me and asking me if it was true, and I told them all no and if you dont believe me you can ask ppl. I got so pissed that I went up to blank and yelled at her and asked why she told ppl all that bull * * * * and she was like ''I didnt say anything, I dont know what your talking about!" but I wasnt stupid I knew it was her! Cuz 10 different ppl told me that she told them about it. So blank dont blame me blame blame! She deserves to die for what she said. I did not say a word. I promise. I know that you must have felt mad and embaressed cuz ppl started thinking we were going out and Im so sorry if that happened. But like I said it was not one bit at all my fault. I can keep any secret, ask anybody! BLank would know. I wanted real bad to explain to you all this * * * * out at that 806 concert in October, but you wouldnt even let me near you so I left you alone. But now Im writing you and hopefully you get to see it my way cuz I know that nothing is my fault. Me and you were both mad fun of (mostly me) and we were both talked about.......... but now that ppl have started to forget about the whole thing hopefully you wont be mad at me and talk cuz you seem kool Im not gunna lie. And when ppl say things In High School bout you like "Is it true you and blank went out?" I tell them no, and if they ask me if your gay/bi I tell them no....you can ask your sister if you dont believe me. But blank all Im asking is that we put this * * * * behind us and that you to trust me again be4 all this stuff happened. When you told blank to tell me not to tell anyone I said I wont and when I said I wont I meant I wont. Well thats all I have to say and hopefully you can understand that none of the things that happened were my fault or your fault. You can write back if you want but if not thats kool I'll understand. All I want to know is if you still hate me, do you? I dont hate you one bit cuz why would I hate you for sumthing that wasnt none of our faults?

 

 

I delted all the names for private purposes. Anyways thats all i wrote. I really didnt tell my friend that I was going out with him I just said I want to go out with him and she is a good liar cuz supposedly ppl trust her and not me! Its bulls***!

 

Well I logged on today and he replied I was happy cuz for a minute i thought he wanted to be my friend but my hope seriously went down heres what he wrote:

 

 

i really dont give a * * * * about you and any one else and i am not gay ok maybe you are but i am not to me that * * * * is nasty ok and no i dont trust you because i dont know if you are the one who started it. yes i hate you and i still want to kick your asss because know people think i am gay and i am not so crew you and everyone else stay away from me ok for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the lfor the last time i am not gay ast time i am not gay for tfor the for the last time i am not gay last time i am not gay he last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay for the last time i am not gay

 

 

Im so emabressed I know hes bi I KNOW! But like I said hes scared to cum out of the closet and I really want to be his friend I REALLY DO but all this boy has for me is anger! He doenst even want me near him! This is all my ex friends fault and I seriously wish she was dead cuz ya have no idea how long I had wished to go out with him and she ruined my dream! Part of its my fault cuz I was stupid and opened my big mouth. I just want him to give me a second chance but this boy hates me to death......... I feel so stupid and worthless. All I wanted was a friend.......... I guess I'll have to deal with the fact that this boy hates me for the rest of my life. Any advice? Cuz i really do want a 2nd chance! I'd Do Anthing!

[Dracia]

Accept he's embarrassed about his sexuality. You can't force someone to feel comfortable about something that they're not. Give it time, he might calm down. If he holds a grudge against you, then I'm pretty sure you wouldn't even want a friend who is so bad-tempered anyway, would you?

[Meow18]

He's obviously really hurt and embarrassed by what has happened.

 

You've already apologized for whatever may have been your fault, and you've already explained your side of it.

 

There isn't anything else you can do besides just wait and see if maybe one day he will forgive you.

[blender]

I'm sorry you are hurting. But it's important to have some perspective on what happened here, you made a choice to discuss what YOU believe this guys sexual orientation to be with one of your "friends".. it's one thing to discuss YOUR orientation, and it's nice to know that you have learned from all this.. as you said: "I regret telling my friend cuz she was a 2 faced b**** and I thought I could trust her."

 

But this is not about your "2 faced friend", it's about YOU..the "lesson" learned here is you have every respectful right to discuss with a friend YOUR own feelings, your own sexual orientation, but the "wrong" here was in divulging information about this young man, that is ONLY his right to do... and if he didn't say "yes" to you, but instead you said, "some friends told me he said "yes". Didn't you do exactly what your "ex-friend" did by taking information from a third party about this boy and then discussing it?

 

Of course he's hurt, embarrassed, because he had no control over what was being said about him and not only that, what "was" said was not accurate.. he never did in fact say "yes" to you did he?

 

This is about "respect" and it starts with you. Respect yourself. Respect others. Respect his privacy. Be responsible for your part in this, and if you ever do talk about this with anyone of your friends, do the "right" thing and say:

 

"I was attracted to him and it was MY mistake to presume anything about him or his sexuality, he's let me know he is "straight" and I respect him for telling me so, and I don't blame him for being upset about rumors regarding him, he has a right to protect his privacy because it's none of my business of anyone else's, I'm sorry if I indirectly caused any of this difficulty for him, end of story".

 

See, the thing is it does NOT matter what you "think you know for sure" about his sexuality, it's more important to respect what he actually says about it... whether you like it, or agree with it, or believe it or not. If you are someone's "friend" you respect them and thier choice on who they are and how they wish to present themselves.

 

It's not about YOUR wanting him to be YOUR friend.. maybe it starts with you being a "decent, kind, respectful" guy on your own..who he would want to be friends with..right? And that can start wit you also taking responsiblity for your own choices in all this.. and not by blaming an "ex-friend".. sure what she did was wrong, but you started the chain of events by saying he was going to "probably go out with you"... so next time be wise and take care of you and respect others and try not to tell any "friends" things unless you are sure the person whom you are speaking of is "included and agrees on the information you are choosing to discuss"

 

For now, Respect his 'words" even if they are "angry" in his response message on myspace... let go for now, and in time you might re-gain some trust.. but it has to start with YOUR own choice of behavior.. instead of "defending yourself and blaming your ex friend"... just let it go and next time the subject comes up with anyone be respectful and maybe say something along the lines of the above suggested response.. this response will get back to him, once you say it enough.. and he will appreciate you being respectful..IF you honestly are..and it seems to me you want to be...and it starts with "accepting" his words as the truth, he is NOT gay"

[PrettyInBlack]

Well I understand ya guys, i never really did tell my friend that i was gunna go out with her. I jsut said I WANTED to go out with him. And no he nvr really did tell me directly yes. And I wrote him back saying that I respect whatever sexuality he is and that I jsut want to be his friend. If he writes back ill tell ya more details.

[blender]

Okay, the good news is, you have the maturity to honestly be looking at your part in all this, but next time you write to him, try not to say to him, "whatever sexuality you are".. he's TOLD YOU RESPECTFULLY that he is straight.. and it seems you are refusing to accept HIS WORDS as the truth..right?

[PrettyInBlack]

Well i KNOw he is not straight! I saw him making out with a guy in my grade in PE last year but I never said anyhtiong I jsut kept my mouth shut. You see he hangs out with a bunch of gangster thuggish type guys and he probably thinks that he will get his * * * kicked since his brothers are homophobic. I feel so sorry for him. Ive known him for a while now.

[blender]

If you want to be "his friend and you are honestly respectful" then it does NOT matter what YOU know regarding his sexuality, what matters is what HE is ready for anyone to know..

 

and I'm sure it's frustrating for you, but this is NOT about YOU... right? You want to be his friend in the future, then it starts with respecting what he wants to say regarding his sexulatiy and when he's "ready" to say it, or accept it, or whatever.. right?

 

Try to let go of what YOU know and start with being respectful of what HE is comfortable letting people know.. and if you saw him "making out with a guy".. well respect it as his private choice in that moment... he's finding himself, and that is HIS journey at his own pace..

 

You really like him and for now, try to like yourself enough to let go with love and try to focus on yourself and how you choose to behave in all this, and at the same time respecting his way of handling all this for himself.. even if it's different then "what you might choose" or "why" he's choosing to do so.. whatever "reasons" he has for making these choices, are HIS reasons, and that good enough... you seem like someone who can respect this... good for you.

[Makedamnsure]

One of my best friends came out of the closet for a bit, but I guess he got scared and went back in. The best thing for everyone was just to let him go, be who he wants to be. If your friend doesn't want to be out yet thats fine, don't rub what you know in his face.

 

If I were you I'd let him go for a little bit, give him some time to think. If he still hasn't forgiven you in a month or so maybe it wasn't meant to be.

[UT]

Even If this guy may be lying about his sexuality, you need to respect that and at least put the sexuality talk to rest. If he's not ready to come out yet you shouldn't push him with a false belief that he's going to open up to you. It doesn't matter if you convince him you're gay, if he's not ready, he won't come out to you. I had a friend who was openly gay when I was closeted. It took me over 6 months before I told him.

 

What you saw or didn't see doesn't matter. He might have been experimenting, see if he might be gay. It doesn't mean he is, he might have been confused. At your age, that is not uncommon.

 

Give him all the time he need, don't push or pressure him, give him some speace. It's most likely that he's taken cover due to all this. If you weren't out, and not ready, wouldn't you?

[Meow18]

Maybe he was curious last year? A lot of people question their sexuality and experiment. That doesn't mean that he is currently bi or gay.

 

Even if he is, it doesn't matter. I mean, what's the difference either way?