Scared to let go

[NSY991]

I am trying to decide to let go of the guy I have been dating.It is much harder than I ever thought it would be because I have formed an emotional attachment to him.We didn't see each other often because of his traveling and my schedule but we have managed to remain in almost daily contact

for a half a year.

 

My dilemma is I want more in terms of a relationship, and things are not

progressing. I feel like he is getting the benefits of an 'emotional" relationship

without putting forth any real energy.It is hurtful and frustrating.

 

I don't know HOW to even begin this.

Not talking to him is going to tear me apart. In addition I am grieving the

loss of my father. I need someone to be here for me, and he just isn't and this

is something I simply can't handle.

I just need strength to end it somehow.I know it is going to be hard, but

I need to do it.

How do you let go of someone ??

[annie24]

hey there! Well, first, No contact. Don't call, text, or check up on his webpages. detach yourself from him. next, spend time with friends you may have neglected during this time. fill up your calendar. join a club, do your taxes, go to the gym, anything to keep your mind off this man. it will take a while, and somedays will be better than others, but keep moving forward and you will eventually get over him.

 

Oh yeah, and the book, 'It's called a breakup because its broken' is really excellent. go pick it up!

[renaissancewoman101]

I really feel for you, esp since you are also grieving the loss of your father, along with the loss of the hopes of a relationship with this guy.

 

Maybe some therapy might help. Sometimes talking to a professional helps you deal with both letting go of a unsuccessful relationship as well as grieving the loss of someone close to us.

[NSY991]

Thanks Annie.I guess the hard part is that he hasn't really done anything

"wrong". I could place blame but there really isn't any. There was so much potential for us and I don't want to throw away a great thing, but at the same time I know me just accepting the situation as it is, is only going to frustrate me, and he will likely continue as things have been. It makes me sad that him not having me in his life anymore might not even make a difference. I'm also not sure if I'm strong enough to NOT contact him if he contacts me.It's so hard.

[NSY991]

I have taken this next week off for obvious reasons.Maybe this week would be a good time to begin this withdrawal.I know this is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.I feel like not only one special person has died in my life, but another one as well. I need strength.

[annie24]

yeah, and I think definitely, things are a lot harder and confusing because of the death of your father. do you want to talk about that?

[NSY991]

I will be seeing a grief counselor about that. Yes, this makes it extra hard, but then I tell myself mabe I am putting a heavy burden on him by expecting him to go through this with me.We aren't married, and he lost his own father to a heart attack, so maybe it brings a lot of bad stuff back up for him too.

Just trying to see things from his POV and not my own grief stricken one.

 

I don't think I want to discuss this with him either.I am not good at these conversations.I tend to withdraw. We have rarely gone more than a couple days without talking but I have to do this for now. I really hope it's ok for me

to post during this time, as I am sure I will need it, especially if he contacts me.

[annie24]

I think it must be hard losing two important men in one week. It can definitely make you feel like someone took the floor right under your feet. Whatever you are feeling though, it is normal and part of the process. As for the guy, think of your father. Wouldn't he want more for you than a 42 year old guy who never has time for you? I'm sure you dad would have wanted you to have a bf that loved and doted on you, and that sure doesn't describe Mr. Busy Busy. So, in that sense, the breakup is a blessing in that you can find someone more compatible with you.

[NSY991]

I know Annie, it's sad.I am have been crying all night trying to make this decision and it's not easy at all. Valentines day is going to be REALLY hard, and I hate to admit but it will be even harder if I DON'T hear from him at all, but I am hoping that will make it easier too. I know I will get through it, it will just take time. Thanks for letting me vent and I will keep you posted.

[annie24]

no problem, vent anytime. Valentine's day is on a wednesday this year, and no one really goes out on wednesdays, so don't feel so bad! Maybe go out to dinner or drinks with a friend instead.

[NSY991]

I will try to be out of the house on V-day. I will try to only post if I hear from him, otherwise I will try to just remain strong.