Parents:Is it true what they say ...

[anggrace]

"You have a higher tolerance for your own children than other peoples children."

 

I ask because Ive spent all week with two 1 1/2 year olds. I thought I might want kids, but one of them is really driving me nuts. The other one is much more tolerable, but you never know what your gonna get, right? Do you think Id be able to handle it better/not get so agrivated, if he were my own? Do you think kids are born with certain traits like extreme whinyness or is it avoidable?

[vandgsmom]

Of course you have more tolerance for your own children than other peoples...

If nothing else but because you know how to take their whinyness, etc in context while you have no idea wy someone elses child is screaming their head off.

 

I tell people all the time that I LOVE my children, just not anyone elses.

 

And I do think that children are born with inherent traits like a disposition to whine while others are defo more placable and even tempered.

[Mythical_Suicide]

YES!! it is true, I love my son to death but for the most part other people's kids annoy the mess out of me. I also believe that some kids are born with Whiney traits.. My bf's kids for example they whine over everything whereas my son is content never really whines or cries even if he gets hurt but my bf's kids got the whiney trait after their mother (really.. going offtopic but she's 23 and still whines over everything.)

[anggrace]

I guess Im just really afraid Id end up w/ a little horror. But I suppose they could be taught to not be that way, right?

[ImThatGirl]

Before I had children, my motto was "They are great as long as I can take them back to their parents!"

 

After I had my kids, I realized how enlightening and fulfilling it is to be a parent. Children are true blessings and they can really teach us alot about unconditional love, tolerance, and patience.

 

I never knew any of those like I know them now. Another good thing - when they are our own, not only do we have bundles of joy to love and provide for, we also have the ability to influence and teach them. They will learn what is expected by you and most likely be more willing to conform than other peoples children.

[kermit]

I like my little horrors.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hmmmmm.....must depend on the person then. I seem to have LESS tolerance for my own children. Mostly cos I'm with them ALL fracken day long AND I hate it when they misbehave in front of other people - I insist on manners...

 

But my neices and nephews.....shoot!

 

If my brother is hard on his daughter around me, I'm always like, "dude! She's a baby, she's fine. Leave her alone!" I seem to have sooooo much more tolerance for her "bad" behaviour

[Mythical_Suicide]

^ yeah, because you dont have to put up with it, but IMO i'd rather put up with my own childs bad behavior then someone else's just because I can do something about it but then again my son even though he's only two is very well behaved and well mannered so I guess I got lucky.

[BellaDonna]

I think in general people will always be more tolerant of their own children. (at least I hope this is true- because I'm pregnant right now- yet I cringe when I see screaming kids in the grocery store)

 

I think with your own you have a connection....and all the others, well, just aren't your problem so there is little motivation to deal with them. It's easier to love a child you've created or chose to adopt.

 

In general I have much more patience for my nieces and nephews than I ever would for a stranger's kid. With "family" comes tolerance...and of course more importantly, with family comes love. You don't love a strangers child, but you'll surely love your own.

 

BellaDonna

[katie831]

I am not a big 'kid person' kids make me nervous and i feel some what embarrassed around them even babies i feel i can't 'coo' over them in public. I hope i have tolerance for my own and am able to get over myself because he will soon be here!

 

I think with your own you have such a strong bond and maybe you don't see all their bad traits as you would do with a stranger.

 

I agree with everyone though, whining, spoilt little brats with no manners really really annoy me!

[chickidee23]

It's avoidable to a point. When children are that young, they are testing boundaries. It's a parent's job to set those boundaries for their children. It's all too common these days for parent's with "busy" lives to find it easier to give the child what he/she wants so they will be quiet for a while than teach them an important life lesson- you can't always get what you want. The terrible two's can start earlier for some children and last longer as well. Also, if a child is not stimulated enough OR over stimulated, it can cause behavior problems. Not enough activity for a child will cause boredom and force them to entertain themselves, which, is not always pleasant for a parent/care-taker. Over stimulation can cause frustration- toddlers are at an age where they are curious about everything! But there's so much they don't know- it would be like trying to read a book, listen to music, talk on the phone and watch TV all at the same time for an adult. This is just my opinion- I was in childcare for about 4 years and I learned so much about children- epecially at the specific age you speak of.

 

Most importantly, don't let anyone ever tell you that being a parent and taking care of children is easy. It's not. It's going to be 18 years of battles, struggles, love, fulfillment, and hapiness when you have your own. Being a parent is a full time job- so whether or not you want children is a very personal decision and it has it's shares of ups and downs but that's life!

[jengh]

See, I've wondered this too... I wanted kids until I became a ski and swim instructor (2 different places but during the same year)...

 

They annoyed the piss out of me!!!! Even the well behaved ones..

 

Is it possible to just not have the "mom" gene?

 

I want to scream when I hear a kid whining in a store or throwing a temper tantrum...

 

I sometimes think i may want kids, but then I think... if i do, i'm going to be one of those psychos that winds up driving their kid into a tree.

[Mythical_Suicide]

See, I've wondered this too... I wanted kids until I became a ski and swim instructor (2 different places but during the same year)...

 

They annoyed the piss out of me!!!! Even the well behaved ones..

 

Is it possible to just not have the "mom" gene?

 

I want to scream when I hear a kid whining in a store or throwing a temper tantrum...

 

I sometimes think i may want kids, but then I think... if i do, i'm going to be one of those psychos that winds up driving their kid into a tree.

 

All I can say about wanting to scream when you hear a kid whining in the store DONT ever make comments because remember one day if you do decide to have kids that will be you. Given there are alot of kids who do it just to get their way my son does it every now and then because well, it's a kid thing to make alot of noise but he mainly does it when he's tired or hurt so toe veryone who thinks like that yeah please be nice to the parents of those children because it isn't easy having a child screaming and trying to get in and out quickly on top of getting nasty stares from s trangers when the child has something wrong.

[piggypooh]

Ok

 

I'm a schoolteacher, and although I don't have kids myself, i KNOW that I will be more tolerant to OTHER PEOPLE'S children than my own. This is because, when other ppls children are all attitude and bratty, I can walk away from at the end of the day. If my own children were to be like that, I wouldn't tolerate it cos they are my responsibility and thereforeeee a reflection on me and how I bring them up. With your own children comes added unconditional love, but, if that is used to excuse and tollerate bad behaviour then its no wonder that kids nowadays are selfish and spoiled. The onces I teach certainly are.

[g1234567890h]

Ok

 

I'm a preschool teacher, and although I don't have kids myself, i KNOW that I will be more tolerant to OTHER PEOPLE'S children than my own. This is because, when other ppls children are all attitude and bratty, I can walk away from at the end of the day. If my own children were to be like that, I wouldn't tolerate it cos they are my responsibility and thereforeeee a reflection on me and how I bring them up. With your own children comes added unconditional love, but, if that is used to excuse and tollerate bad behaviour then its no wonder that kids nowadays are selfish and spoiled. The onces I teach certainly are.

 

I totally agree with you. I'm a schoolteacher and I don't have kids. I take care of other people's kids for a living. I don't blame anyone for children's behavior other than their parents. If my kid is misbehaving, it's my fault and no one else's.

 

Unconditional love means that you love your children but hate the behavior. Every child is an innately amazing human being, full of life, energy, and goodness. It's this world and adults that make them act the way they do. Temper tantrums and bad behavior come from a lot of different sources too numerous to mention in a single post because whole books have been written on this topic. I've read some of them. As a teacher, I see it as part of my job to address this behavior, regardless of what's going on at home. I love every part of my job, including dealing with difficult behavior. The kids that cause trouble are the ones who love me the most because I know how to deal with it effectively.

[mrmaximum]

Thought I’d weigh in on this subject and get a fathers’ (step) point of view in here. Now My fiancée’s two children are obviously not mine and yes, there are times that their behavior drives me up the wall (my step daughter has ADHD, plus some other situations that have piggybacked on for the ride) ](*,) but the bottom line is that I’d rather them than a lot of other kids that I know. I can’t say that I love them yet, and because of their past, (Both father’s have proven to be ‘dorks’) they aren’t too quick to trust and they can’t say that to me, but I wouldn’t give them up for the world. Yes, you do have a higher tolerate your kids more than anyone else’s’ that is SO true!! I’m a step dad, imagine having your own??