I've hit the bottom

[kiwifly]

Don't know who to talk to b/c no one here will listen. I haven't been happy the past few weeks. It's like no matter what I do I'm not happy. Last weekend I was crying almost the full 48 hours. I feel like a failure. I've lost all motivation to do schoolwork, and so I haven't tried as much as I would have normally. I feel overwhelmeed with everything I have to do - too much readings and the pressure to keep grades good enough. I've lost all hope or motivation to go on. Looking into the future, I don't see much positive things for me. I see jobs that I dno't like, people I don't like getting further ahead then me. I'm not happy with who I've become or the world I've come to live in. I just see darkness, with no light at the end of this tunnel. I was somewhat fine during the week when going to class, but I always felt sad at the back. Today I've been crying all day again, and tonight I had plans to go out with friends but I'm about to call and cancel. I don't want to see anyone, other people who are able to handle the stress and pressures. I feel like I don't belong with them, someone who is too weak and breaks all the time. I want to cancelall my classes the remainder of the year and take a break. A long break. I don't know what I'm doing. I've never been so lost and alone in my life. Someone tell me what to do...anything...

[BeStrongBeHappy]

it really sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression, which can be brought on by stress or just chemistry changes, some people are suspectible to this...

 

when you are depressed EVERYTHING feels dark, and hopeless, and futile... but that is not reality, that is just your depression... when your brain chemistry gets out of whack, it can really make you feel terrible, exactly the way you are describing...

 

but the good news is you can do something about this... schedule an appt. with a doctor or your school clinic, and tell them how you have been feeling... they can prescribe anti-depressants or other means to help you feel better...

 

also please try to get some exercise, as that enhances brain chemistry. also take some good multi-vitamins, especially the B vitamins, and avoid any drinking or recreational drugs that can make depression worse... also try to keep your sleep on a regular schedule, but depression itself can disrupt sleep cycles, and cause early morning awakening at 4 a.m. or so...

 

please Google depression on the web and do some reading about it to see if you recognize your symptoms... lots and lots of people have depression at some points in their lives, so you are not alone, and it is something that they are very effective in treating these days...

 

good luck, and try to keep some perspective... things are not hopeless, and you CAN do something to get better...

[musicguy]

I have clinical depression and I know how you feel. People have been telling me for years to get help again, maybe that's the route you should go or talk to one of your closest friends and see if they have any suggestions

[kiwifly]

Thanks for the replies. I think I will see my doctor about this. It's like all my emotions are crazy. Sometimes while I'm feeling so sad like this out of nowhere I'll feel so happy and motivated and then the sadness will hit me again out of nowhere just as hard. And then when it's dark, it's really dark. Nothing looks good, everyone looks like a potential enemy, and I feel so alone. I want to know if there are any foods that would be able to boost my mood when I feel down? I'd like to start with those rather than meds.

[musicguy]

I've been feeling the same way too and it's affecting my work and my friendships

[heartbaby14]

I've suffered from depression on and off for years and never sought treatment for it until now. I never wanted to seek help, it always seemed like too much work...because being depressed made me feel so very tired. I recently got married, though, and it was either seek help or lose my husband. I talked to my doctor who referred me to a campus counselor and eventually prescribed me an anti-depressant. I am finally starting to regain my emotional balance. You should definitely see your doctor, don't put it off. S/he can recommend a counselor or other ways to deal with depression if you don't want to take medicine for it. Good luck, and know that you are not alone and it is possible to feel better!

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey kiwifly - I could totally relate to your post here. I feel like this a lot too. I feel like a failure for not being able to cope like I think other people can too....truth is, NO ONE is coping but everyone is coping their own way.

 

As campy as it is, you're not alone and people are listening. i feel lke this a lot.

 

Take time to sulk - there's no shame in that. Don't wallow in it or get lost to your friends, but it's OK to call off a nite with them once in a while.

 

Just take the time you need and then boot straps baby! Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move onward!!

 

But don't feel like you're less than anyone - everyone feels like this once in a while!!

 

Keep posting Kiwi! People are listening.....

[kiwifly]

Thank you all for your replies. Since my last post I spoke with my doctor. She pointed out that the source of all this depression I've been facing is mostly from my perfectionism. I knew that might be the case, but hearing it from her reminded me again. I set my standards too high in everything - school, work, men, even myself. Nothing is ever good enough for me, I always see that I can do better. If I get an A+ I want that A++. And sometimes I fear getting something lower to the point where I just quit. I've done that with school, job even cancelling first dates before even going out. Its the reason why I have never had a boyfriend or a steady job.

 

She recomended that I watch the Oprah show that day. It was about something called "The Secret" and after watching it I saw everything more clearly. One of the women on the panel said that whatever you say is like an order so if you say you have a crazy week you will have a crazy week. Basically it said to change the way of thinking so that you change how you see things and allow yourself to be a better person. I always put myself down before everything, saying I can't do it. And that negativity then comes out true. Mixed with my perfectionism its no wonder I keep hitting lows like this. I've now been telling myself "I am happy, I am smart, I am thankful for what I have" whenever I feel my sadness coming back. I used to be pessimistic but this has showed me to be optimistic and now I'm happy to report that I am doing better! I recommend taking a look at that dvd to anyone who feels like how i did too. Whoknew watchin Oprah was so good for the soul?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I cannot quite remember where I read it this week, but.

 

Someone or other (it must have been a Review Section) has written a new book on happiness and pursuit of it. His main claim is that we are now bought up to expect it, and to overlook the fact that most people never really attain true happiness - like perfect pitch, it is a gift that only a few experience.

 

Interesting take.