Should I remain friends?

[HugeHeart]

I have been posting bits and pieces of this relationship I have hadiin various forums, so I have decided to edit this post and tell the entire story. Please, bear with me.

 

I met this girl in the fall of 2006. Things began slowly, as I guess most relationship do. As the weeks went on I began to fall for her. I was a bit anxious and forward in the beginning and tried to kiss her twice- both times she rejecteed me. But I was patient and things began to blossom.

 

We had never talked about a comitted relationship, so i guess I shouldn't have been surprised when, on Christmas Eve, while in her room, I found a used condom wrapper on the top oof the trash can. When I asked her, she admitted to having had sex with her "ex-boyfriend". I left, only to return about an hour later (she called me and asked me to come back). Anyway, after a bottle of wine and some talking, I spent the night, and she told me she loved me. She also asked if I wanted to be "exclusive" with her. I don't think I responded at that point.

 

Now that my eyes were open about her ex in the picture, I started to feel a bit guarded when I went to her apartment. He'd call her cell at times while I was there. Fair enough, since we never spoke about a monogamous relationship.

 

Then, the first week of 2007 something happened. She seemed to open up to me, and we became really close. She asked me again about being "exclusive" and I said yes. I let my guard down, opened up to her and we were on our way.

 

About 3 weeks later I receive a text message from her saying "I can't do this anymore. Something has to change". I asked her why and she said I was too suffocating and that she wanted to take a step back. I agreed. Then the following day, she calls me and asks me to spend the day with her. She grabs my hand, and said something about being my boyfriend. I spent the night and the next at her place.

 

That Friday, I didn't hear anything from her. Saturday, nothing. And Sunday, nothing. So I called her and asked her how she was doing, because I hadn't heard from her. Once again she told me that she couldn't do this anymore, etc. She said she liked it better when we used to study at school together, that she would like to be friends. So, i asked to see her the next day with the intention of ending the realtionship entirely.

 

The following day, I met up with her and we talked. I told her that I couldn't see her anymore. This is when she asked me why it had to be all or nothing. So I told her that this was a difficult decision for me, but I didn't know what else to do. I drove her to her apt. and I said goodbye. (I thought it was a final goodbye).

 

Anyway, as i was getting myself back together emotionally in the car, I see this guy walking down the street. I knew I recognized him. It was her ex-boyfriend! I watched him enter the apt building. Ugh, I felt really sick at that point.

 

I broke up on Tuesday with this girl i was seeing for a while, and I get a txt message from her today asking me "How are you doing?". I didn't respond. Then, I checked my email and see that she sent me an email. It was a two page email about how she is struggling greatly in her studies and that she doesn't know what to do. She also said that she happened to see me walking on campus at school the other day and that it was "nice to see your face".

 

Well, I have to admit, I broke down and sent her a text message. I told her I was fine and that I read her email. However, I haven't responded to her email or sent her any other messages.

 

Should I go back into "no contact" mode again? Should I just be cordial and respond to her email? Why is she asking me for advice or even texting me and sending me emails?

 

This has got to be the most confusing relationship that I have ever had. I love her and want her to be happy- why is she reaching out to me for help? Or is it just a trap?

 

 

Additionally, that very day she txted me.. she sent me an additional two text messages asking if I was going to respond to her email.

 

Then she called me and left me a voice mail.. She wanted to know how I was and once again asked me why i didn't respond to her email... Then said said "you can call me if you want..you don't have to feel weird about calling me"

 

I still haven't spoken to her, except for that one small txt message.

 

I think thats it. I didn't include a lot of emotion in this post, but I will tell you, I'm dying on the inside. I keep fighting the urge to pick up the phone and call her. I really fell in love with this girl. It has been really tough trying to maintain no contact for the past 5-6 days. Any advice?

 

HH

[amtjrtcet]

why did you break up with her?

[Jetta]

Oh that's tough. I'm not a big fan of NC, mainly because I have children so that's really impossible for me. I believe in cordial relationships. Granted we did go a nearly a year with minimal contact and it just happened naturally. You responded in a way that was confortable for you. No need to take it further. She does sound like she wants to get back together but it could just be the lonliness factor. So unless you want to reconnect it's best to keep contact to a minimum. Okay so maybe a part of me is for nc.

[secretdarkness]

(By nature I'm not real sympathetic to the Dumper in the relationship.)

 

She is obviously texting & e-mailing you because you broke her heart. Trust me, be very careful what you do here, she is a lot more fragile than you might think right now. Try to act like a gentleman, take the high road if possible.

[HugeHeart]

Im bumping this post to the top. I hope you all read my entire story. I could use some advice. Im dying inside.