also really paranoid

[sunnystar]

well... i definetly have a trust problem. when does it become wrong to check up on your significant other? My bf has cheated on me. we have been together for almost 2 years. it was a year ago that he cheated. He has given his password to me in very beginning of our relationship and so i checked up on him often. when i found all the emails to the other girls a year ago i confronted him about it. and he appologized and said sorry and it wont happen again. well.... he sent his picture to another girl recently. he was doing good for almost a year. now he has changed his passwords. i really shouldnt be mad i guess. its not my email address. but i feel like he is hiding stuff. should he trust me not to look if i trust him to not be initiating contact with other girls? hope you arent too confused. any suggestions?

[JoeWho]

Well if he is currently sending his picture to other girls then you have every right to feel insecure. If you feel that you cant trust him and need to be checking up on him by checking his email then you probably shouldnt be in a relationship with him. Remember the saying if you dont have trust, you dont have anything.

[EvaGina]

I agree with JoeWho...

is it really worth being in a relationship if your slowly driving yourself mad with insecurity?

 

May I ask if you are losing sleep, or your appietite over this?

[Kalika]

Let's assume the following:

 

a) he's changed his passwords because he's up to no good, and you feel insecure.

 

or

 

b) he's changed his passwords for no real reason in particular, other than the fact that he's sick of being monitored, and you feel insecure.

 

So either way, he's making you feel insecure..... Is this really worth it?

[Northalius]

Not paranoid.

 

If he was faithful to you throughout the whole relationship, and gave you no reason to question him, yet you were still saying what you said in your post, about the email and all? That would be bordering on paranoia.

 

Paranoia is extreme caution and/or worry without good reason backing it. What you have, is good reason backing your suspicions.

 

I'd just break it off with him, since he just doesn't care... or so it seems. He's not showing you respect, and when you take a cheater back into your arms, usually it shows them that they can now more easily take advantage of you; it screams of no self-respect! Stand up for yourself, put your foot down; do not put up with BS like this. Sorry if that's kind of blunt, but I just hate when people take advantage of others like this.

 

Take a minute, and imagine looking at yourself through his eyes; you'd see a real person, that needs to be respected, yet you're clinging on to him even though he isn't doing the same in return. You must view yourself as a separate person that needs to be respected!

 

Hold on to a person only as much as they hold on to you; he has let go, so you must now do the same.

 

Trust is extremely important in a relationship, and I don't think there's anything he can do to earn yours back; thus, it's just better you let him go now. You gave him more chances than he deserved, and he screwed it up again.

 

But, that's just my opinion.

[Northalius]

when does it become wrong to check up on your significant other?

 

When they give you no reason to check up on them.

 

He has given a lot of reason for you to check up on him, though. Do not feel guilty, you're not in the wrong!

[Akatea]

Take it from someone who was cheated on in the beginning of her relationship too. You can get the trust back, but it a LONG LONG LONG time. In the first week of our relationship my BF cheated on me. We have now been together for three years. And only now do I completely trust him again. Even after saying that, I still have ghosts and the insercurity issues still raise their UGLY heads every now and again. But it takes two. He has to be understanding of your issues. My BF now makes an effort that when he is going into a situation where I may be nervous about, he makes sure that he makes every effort that I feel good about it. He knows he stuffed up and has for the last two years trying VERY hard to put it right. Just know that trust can be earned back, but it takes two people

[caro33]

So you saw via his account that he had sent his picture to a girl, then he changed passwords?

 

What does sending his picture mean by the way - are we talking dating profile flirting stuff?

 

If so, this sounds suspicious. His track record has given you just cause, in my opinion, to doubt him, and further behaviour that looks shady is a good enough reason in my book to watch him closely.

 

Thing is, you need to know in your head and heart what is "enough" evidence of wrongful behaviour for you to act.