hailtothevictors Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Based on personal experience and from reading message boards on line, it seems like A LOT of girls go through some kind of "party stage" around the ages of 18-22. They seem to want to go out, drink, be single, and hook up with guys. In short, experience the stereotypical "college" life. (I am in no way saying that every girl goes through this stage, I'm just pointing out that it seems to be fairly common). My situation is this: g/f and I started dating in high school, go to same college, after 2.5 years she gets drunk one night and makes out with another guy. This lead to her becoming confused about our relationship and her feelings toward me. She worried that we would just continue along and get married, and never experience "what else was out there" (we were each other's first bf/gf). So she breaks up with me, tells me she needs space, and that she thinks she only loves me as a best friend right now. Fast forward eight weeks. Minimal contact between us, a few texts from her seeing how I was doing, and a few chance encounters at school. Juding by her Facebook profile (which I have now stopped checking) and from things mutual friends have told me, she's become a "party animal" for lack of a better term. I guess my question is, Is this a phase that she will get through or something permanent? During our time together, we talked about being together forever, moving in together, getting married, etc. and that has made moving on pretty difficult. It's hard to let that stuff go. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I never went through a 'party stage' and I am 32. Guess that means I still get to have one to go through. Probably when I hit my late 30's--and can't wait for that! Link to comment
Beec Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 It's not uncommon from what i have seen, but I think it varies for every woman. I've ben told by one that she drank some beer when leaving high school and wanted to kiss boys, but that's it. Others want engage in other sorts of behavior. Maybe some, like hosswhispra, wait until it looks like a mid-life crisis. Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Maybe some, like hosswhispra, wait until it looks like a mid-life crisis. Oh thanks Beec that makes me feel so good--a midlife crisis in my late 30's Can't wait for mid-life...sounds like a lot of fun. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I never went through a 'party stage' and I am 32. Guess that means I still get to have one to go through. Probably when I hit my late 30's--and can't wait for that! Call me up, I'm always down for some partying! In all seriousness, it's not so much that they go through a stage, but it's like you said go through the stereotypical college experience. She's cutting loose and having fun. When I got divorced, I went out partying all the effram time. Heck I took time off from work to go party. Link to comment
gfein347 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I went through the exact same thing. Well, not the exact same...but it was reasonably similar. My girlfriend told me she was worried she would go through her whole life having only experienced one guy, and that she wanted to be able to go to parties, drink, and have a good time. Basically what you said. So, my girlfriend asked me for an open relationship, and ended up making out with another guy. We're still together, but that phase of our relationship was really tough, and we often talked of breaking up. However, we did get through it, and after awhile, my girlfriend told me she was ready to be exclusive again. I think the lesson to be learned here is that even if she's completely in love with you, it's normal for her to question her relationship, and to answer your question, I highly doubt that what she's going through is permanent. Best of luck! Link to comment
hailtothevictors Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 Thanks for the response gfein. Do you think situations like yours are the norm or the exception? Link to comment
Beec Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Oh thanks Beec that makes me feel so good--a midlife crisis in my late 30's Can't wait for mid-life...sounds like a lot of fun. I was thinking more like at about 44 to 47, at which time you will be able to drive your then-husband insane by smoking cheroots, buying an antique sports car or pickup and taking up the practice of chugging cheap beer so quickly some spills over and runs onto your ratty t-shirts, which you consider the pinnacle of fashion. Attractive, huh? Link to comment
DropToZero Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Yeah I think I know what you mean, My ex is like that too. She claims different reasoning as to she acts like she does(I was the one who broke up)...but part of my reasoning in doing it is because she parties too much and doesn't know her limits well enough(I did trust her, but I'm not going to be there everytime she does this to take care of her, she relies on alcohol too heavily to deal with her problems). I'm not sure if every girl goes through it, but as a guy...I sort of went through it, but found out it really wasn't all life was about. I like to drink, I mean, I will party...but it's not like I used to even though I'm still in college. I see what girls mean in saying "what else is out there"(and so should you, so you dont sit around waiting for this girl), and I understand it...so I do date around, I'm not looking to settle down with one girl yet. I think you're better off man, you've got to let go, it's easier said than done, but she's not interested in a relationship, and the last thing you want to do is waste your time waiting for someone to come around. You're going to have to accept it and go meet others, you'll get through it as soon as you meet a few others girls and date around a little. Good luck! Link to comment
hosswhispra Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I was thinking more like at about 44 to 47, at which time you will be able to drive your then-husband insane by smoking cheroots, buying an antique sports car or pickup and taking up the practice of chugging cheap beer so quickly some spills over and runs onto your ratty t-shirts, which you consider the pinnacle of fashion. Attractive, huh? Everything sounds exciting up until the point of the chugging cheap beer and ratty t-shirts What the heck are cheroots? Call me up, I'm always down for some partying! My sentiment exactly, who doesn't enjoy a good party every now and then? Link to comment
gfein347 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Thanks for the response gfein. Do you think situations like yours are the norm or the exception? You're welcome! I think the situation that you're going through is normal, and maybe could even be expected. Also, I think more often it is the girl that wants to get out, party, and experience the excitement of other guys. Don't ask me why, though . I guess it's just that most girls naturally have doubts about spending their whole life with one guy. Link to comment
college_girl Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 well i am currently in the same position...i have this guy (we're just friends right now) but like super way good friends, no we don't have sex but we make out and say 'i love you's' etc. but i think i want a little free time just to date around, no NOT * * * * * around there's a difference. i never went through the party stage b/c i just think that stuff is stupid and dangerous. i go out to clubs and 'party' w/ friends but i don't drink,smoke, etc. anywho! it just happens...girls need a little space especially when she's only been w/ one guy...but i must warn not all girls are the same. some might get out of it (i'm sure i will want to settle down in a few years) but some might not....u just have to make the best decision for u Link to comment
Beec Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Everything sounds exciting up until the point of the chugging cheap beer and ratty t-shirts What the heck are cheroots?quote] A cheroot is a mechanically rolled and cut cigar, which is normally not a very good cigar, by anyone's standard. And I was trying to describe you acting with what some might consider the worst possible characteristics that a guy going through such a stage might do. But we have gotten off-topic. Although, I think OP has some decent answers too. Link to comment
hockeyboy Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 i think this is very common for young people during this day and age. ive dealt with many girls who have gone thru this stage. i dont think everyone does, but a lot do. honestly, if its what they want to do, its what they want to do. i recommend you move on and have fun too, whether its partying while your at college or something else. perhaps down the road, you two will be more in the same stage and be able to work something out. but for now, if she wants to live her life, then i say you should live yours too. you said she was your first real gf. well, sometimes a breakup like this can be a blessing in disguise. i dated my first real gf for 4 years and we broke up in college, she wanted to pretty much do what your ex is doing. I was devastated, but looking back at it, im glad we broke up. it was the best thing for both of us. i really wouldn't have done half the stuff ive done if it was not for that breakup. your young..have fun. Link to comment
foxgurl12 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 i can say that i am currently in that stage! in my situation i met my ex husband when i was a senior in high school. i moved 3 hrs away and we stayed together for a couple months then we just stopped talking for 3 months?! during that time i kinda partied but not much, just mainly hung out with my roomates, well we got back together, he moved in, got engaged and got married. well we got a divorce and now its like something in me that just wont stop! I love to go out and meet new ppl, go to bars, dancing, parties! I guess it might be because i sat at home for 3 yrs wasting my life away watching tv and eating! but i am having the time of my life right now and loving being single. of course i want to settle down, but probably not for a couple years. This is definitely a phase for me! But to sum it up! I think a lot of it for me was He was my 1st love and only long term relationship! So i am definitely exploring the dating world now, i guess you can say i never got to before him. this was all just rambles, so if its hard to understand im sorry! lol! Link to comment
Dako Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I consider it simply exploring young adulthood. When I was a young guy, I wanted to try everything once, and it defined the boundaries of my identity. Some young folks don't do that, because they're too smart. Link to comment
AntiLove_SuperStar Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 My party stage was 16-17. I personally encourage every girl to do it, do it for life, claw back some of those stupid years of repression. Sigh. But...theres the guilt, the mindgames, the potential for STDs...I couldnt tell you 100% whether Im HIV+, even... Theres no easy answer. Link to comment
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