Keep talking or stop altogether?

[babybear]

My boyfriend and I broke up after being together for two and half years. As we went out for so long we remained close over the last six months of separation. We seemed to be getting closer I thought as we were meeting often and being intimate with each other. I hoped we might get back together and he said we might in the future.

Then I found out he’s been flirting with one of his best girl friends. They told each other they liked each other and met up a couple of times at each other’s houses (he didn’t tell me any of this) right up until I found out They hadn't kissed or done anything romantic but I don't know if they might if I found out much later. I then sent a message to the girl to tell her that he’d been sleeping with me and that he tells me loves me and so their “thing” is now over before it’s begun. The problem is I feel so devastated. We aren’t officially together so ultimately he can do what he likes, but I’ve been the only girl he wanted for the last three years so I feel so hurt he wanted this girl. I feel like I’ve been cheated on cause we’d been getting together and I really loved him. I thought the best thing would be to stop talking to him but now but I’m feeling so alone and weak that it hurts just as much for him to be in my life as it does for him to be cut out. I said I would speak to him if he stopped talking to this girl but he said he can’t do that because he sees a lot of her (same friendship group) and he thinks it would just be silly. Now I feel hurt like she means more to him than I’d do as he’d rather never speak to me again then he would her.

I don’t know what to do cause this has got to me so bad. I haven’t been eating or sleeping properly and I’ve not left the house for the last two days. I have a lot of work to do but I can’t face doing it. It’s playing on my mind all the time and I just feel so horribly alone in the world. I don’t know what to do??

[arwen]

Hey babybear,

 

I have been in your situation; you are setting yourself up fo hurt. He can have what he wants: sex, fun, but no commitment. Why sleep with him if he is not sure about having a relationship? Do you wonder why you feel so insecure? He is having his cake and eating it too because you let him. Like I said, I did this 'post break up sex with no strings attached but who knows... ' kind of thing. I accepted the no strings because I thought it would make him want me back. Turned out that I was just convenient to have around until someone else 'happened'.

 

Don't do this to yourself. Break it off, and start NC. You can be much happier with someone else. If he wants you back, you will know soon enough. Just don't put up with the 'I want to sleep with you' part. He is probably just stringing you along otherwise he would not even think about fooling around with another girl.

 

Take care,

 

Arwen

[CHEMICAL_ROMANCEXXX]

I think what Arwen said was very wise. I would stop sleeping with him if you can. I can relate to what your saying completely babybear because i am going through the exact same thing (have a look at my post and the advice i have been given it may help). I think ive reached a point where enough is enough, I have to move on with my life, I dont want to be used as a doormat. You deserve better as well. We should not settle for second best. Tell him he should only contact you if he is serious about trying to work on the relationship with you and then do NC. Hopefully i can take my own advice....i know how hard it is to let someone go specailly when there seems to be hope to get together still. Im still not sure if im getting strung along or if she is still confused. Anyway I wish you all the best keep us updated, I would really like to hear how things go for you. All the best