Sex issues

[VeganBohemian]

My boyfriend and I started having sex about 8 months ago...roughly...we've been together 1.5 years total. At first, we had sex a lot. I only see him on weekends and normally we would have sex 2 or 3 times a weekend.

 

On New Years, we had an issue where the condom broke (I'm not on birth control) and so I took the morning after pill a few hours later and I have since gotten my period...so I really do not think I am pregnant.

 

Both him and I have been freaked out to have sex since this happened. I am planning on going on birth control, but I do not have much money (I am 20 and in college full time). I only get paid about 150 every 2 weeks. My bf and I did not know that Walgreens had the MAP OTC, so we ended up going to the emergency room (lol) to get it and the a-holes did not inform us that instead of paying 250 dollars, that we could go to the pharmacy down the street. My insurance does not cover emergency visits all that well. I have to pay 100 dollars plus whatever tests they do. I have not gotten the bill for this yet, but my bf said he would pay for it but I feel bad making him do that.

 

Anyway, we haven't had sex in a while. We have been having oral sex, but I feel as though our intimacy has declined and I am feeling guilty for not being able to have sex with him. I feel this pressure to keep him sexually satisfied (this is not because of him---it is because of my own insecurities). I will probably go n birth control, but in the mean time I feel like we are lacking in the sex department. And he isn't all that romantic. We took a shower together and I thought it was very sexual, but he really is not that creative with sex.

 

I need to be able to spice it up without having intercourse. How can I add romance to our "sex" life without having sex?? And why do I feel so guilty when he was also part of the incident on New Years??

[Day_Walker]

I believe that they have planned parenthood clinics in NJ. There you can get free or low cost BC. You also might be able to get it from your school. I would look into those options, do some research so you can find some alternatives.

 

As far as spicing it up do some research into oral sex positions

[Beec]

I would not necessarily change what you are doing, when you have sex, but how you approach it. Sex is affected by how you think about things more than anything else. Moreover, I would not worry that much about some changes in how intimate you feel, because your feelings will over time waiver. Let them waiver, but make sure that there are alterations up, as well as letting things die down at times. The New Years events could be affecting how he thinks about sex with you without birth control, and that's not really a bad thing.

 

When you want to crank things up with him, then changing your approach can take many forms. One of the best ideas is to be out with him someplace and absically let him know that sex is in his immediate future. I have had an ex let me know she had on something sexy when we were out with friends. I recommended to another poster (more than once, but once she did it and it really worked) that she go out with her man and then while out and close to going home, excuse herself to a bathroom, and come back to put her panties in his pocket. In your shoes, I might recommend that you do that and let him know that he is expected to go down on the way home. I might also, and this has worked to, wear a skirt, lift it and tell him to go to work. When done, yes, it would normally be good to jump on him and ride, but just strip him and you go to work. It's not always the sex act that changes things, it's often what comes before.

[Mythical_Suicide]

As far as birth control is concerned im sure there is a free clinic near you and if not going to your local health department will help out they will be able to provide you with free birth control and condoms, etc anything to prevent pregnancy.

[sophie274]

Aren't you in college?

 

I'm in college (in NJ too, actually!), and my BC pills cost 6 $ a pack. That's really cheap ... and so worth it. Have you checked out the options at your health center?

[RayKay]

Most Planned Parenthood's, College Campus Clinics, will offer low cost birth control; adjusted to your income. When I was doing my undergrad, I paid nothing for my pills, once I graduated I started paying like $5/pack until I had a decent income. Now I am on IUD so it is irrelevant

 

Check into it, and the possible forms of birth control too....not all are great for everyone. And if you are really concerned, continue to use condoms, or add a diaphragm, etc.

 

Anyway, this is something you do need to address, as it can cause a rift between you over time. It is normal to be worried after a scare, but if if causes you to run away rather than look for solutions, it is much more severe of an issue.

 

Educate yourself as much as possible, sometimes that really helps to see that while there is a risk, there are many ways to reduce the risk. And if you and your partner have discussed what would happen if EVERYTHING failed, it tends to make you feel much more secure about it (even if you still don't want it to happen!).

[VeganBohemian]

My school's BC is $30 a pack because they give you a prescription (they don't offer it at the center) because I go to a very small school. I could look into PP though. I will admit---I am nervous about taking birth control anyway for some unknown reason and my bf is also. He looks at sex much of the time as somehow taking advantage of me, when I don't see it that way. He feels bad that I should have to take a pill because of something he is doing to me. But, it isn't just about him---I want to have sex also.

 

About the possibility of pregnancy---we have already declared that if I got pregnant we would stay together and that I have the soverignty to make any decision regarding the pregnancy.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Like others said, you can go to your local planned parenthood and likely get free or low-cost birth control. They're usually very friendly, and they'll be glad to help you get things sorted out. Another thing is that at planned parenthood, you can get EC for $25 dollars, and you can buy condoms a dozen for a dollar. It sounds like pregnancy really isn't an option for you right now, so consider "doubling up" - - using two methods of birth control at once, like condoms and hormonal birth control. If you're iffy about going on hormones, one thing you can always do is buy EC before you need it, and use it if there is a problem with the condom.

 

As far as spicing up your sex life - it's likely that your partner is still a little scared by this whole incident, too! If you're unsatisfied, the most effective and honest thing you can do is just talk to him about it. Discuss what happened, discuss what you're doing in your relationship now, and discuss what you want to be happening in your relationship. People aren't psychic, so he might not even have a clue that you aren't satisfied if you haven't flat-out told him that.

 

And about feeling pressure to keep him sexually satisfied - have you found out exactly why you feel that way? You said that it's from you, not from him. What is it that makes you feel like this? Have you tried to do something about it? Have you talked to him about it?