Getting your stuff back, advice please!

[virgo25]

Hey All,

 

For the detailed version of my story look under the thread title "Ouchie"

 

The short version, my ex and I of two years broke up about almost a month ago, we've had no contact. When we had our officially breakup talk, I told him that I wanted to get my stuff back and also to give back his (some of this stuff are things that I require so I need to get them back, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered), he said okay but we didn't pick a time/date, so about a week later I emailed him regarding the issue. He wrote back that day and said that we could arrange a time in the next few days. Also, my intentional thought was to drop off the stuff with his parents (whom I'm close to) and pick mine up but he mentioned in this email that he wanted to see me and to not drop off the stuff with his parents and leave. Trying to be civil about this issue, I said it was okay to meet up (I know I'm strong enough to meet him in person and talk to him without swaying away from my decision of breaking up). After that day, I haven't heard back from him. I emailed him again about a week ago (two weeks after when I initially spoke to him about the exchange of goods) and no response to my email. He said he wanted to meet up but now he's making absolutely no effort to do so (story of our relationship, one of the reasons why I broke it off was because he did not put the effort into our relationship), some things never change eh?

 

Question: What do I do at this point? I really need this stuff back and I've already emailed him on two different occasions, he responded back the first time and said he wanted to see me and now seems to be ignoring my request. I'm trying to be patient but this is starting to annoy me. Any advice on what I should do next? I was thinking of calling, I know it's breaking no contact rules (well the email did too but it was something I couldn't avoid) cause he can't really avoid me on the phone but I don't know..argh! I'm frustrated!!! Any comments/advice/insight is appreciated!!!

[adahy]

He's acting like a little boy for sure.

 

Be a little more proactive. Tell him when you are coming, don't keep waiting for him. Also, get a friend or two (or family members) to go with you if need be. People often act a little more mature when other people are present. Anyway, let him know when you (or you and friends) will be coming. If he says that date doesn't work, then say you need it within a week (something reasonable) and ask what day you should be there. Be polite, even if he doesn't deserve that courtesy.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

I would try to arrange something with his parents. Does he live his parents?

[virgo25]

Hey there,

 

I would try to arrange something with his parents. Does he live his parents?

 

Yeah he does live with his parents and I still talk to them, I even talked to them about this issue (I have a gift for them which I want to pass along) so I was talking about dropping by and giving it to them. His mom said she talked to him and that he said he would take care of it (since his mom has a gift for me too). So I didn't pressure his mom since she had talked to him about it and that means he didn't forget about it because he obviously conversed with his mother about this whole thing!! Urgh!!

What do you guys think about me calling him to arrange a date/time? I guess I also need to be more firm and talk to him with a date/time already chosen out...

[kellbell]

Well, since you have tried to contact your ex to no avail, call his folks. IMO, your ex blew it, dinking around and playing a game. I know you want to be the big person, are trying not to make a big issue out this and not get his folks involved but your ex has no one to blame but himself. Time to stop being so accomidating to an ex. Get your things and put this to rest once and for all.

[virgo25]

He's acting like a little boy for sure.

 

Be a little more proactive. Tell him when you are coming, don't keep waiting for him. Also, get a friend or two (or family members) to go with you if need be. People often act a little more mature when other people are present. Anyway, let him know when you (or you and friends) will be coming. If he says that date doesn't work, then say you need it within a week (something reasonable) and ask what day you should be there. Be polite, even if he doesn't deserve that courtesy.

 

Thanks Adahy for your reply. You're right I think I need to be alittle more firm with my request, I just want to be civil and mature and I don't want to cause an issue/fight over this but it's getting really annoying.

Also, I don't understand why he would say, "I want to see you when you drop off the stuff" but then refuse to reply to my emails regarding setting a date/time. Should I try emailing him again one last time?? Or just call him??

[resi71]

i do not know what to tell you.my girl break up with me and do not wanna give me back my stuff.if i do not wanna be and see ex any more i would give back everything.all that stuff will bring back all good memories what you spend together and it is hurts more

[virgo25]

Well, since you have tried to contact your ex to no avail, call his folks. IMO, your ex blew it, dinking around and playing a game. I know you want to be the big person, are trying not to make a big issue out this and not get his folks involved but your ex has no one to blame but himself. Time to stop being so accomidating to an ex. Get your things and put this to rest once and for all.

 

Hi Kellbell, thanks for youre reply. I agree, I think I am being too accomodating, I think I will try emailing him one last time and mention that if I don't get a reply I will just coordinate something with his parents. You're right, I just want to get my stuff and not have to think about this issue again. I know this is the only last link back to him, and a reason for us to still talk/have contact, do you think he's still holding on because of that? Or just being his usual lazy stuff who doesn't like putting in the effort to plan things...? Thanks again!

[virgo25]

i do not know what to tell you.my girl break up with me and do not wanna give me back my stuff.if i do not wanna be and see ex any more i would give back everything.all that stuff will bring back all good memories what you spend together and it is hurts more

 

Hi Resi, I agree seeing that stuff does have an effect on me. As does when I hear news about him or what he did on a weekend or who he's talking to. I'm trying to just focus on myself and block that all out but it's still hard. I also had a "us" box which I kept a bunch of memories in from our dates, inside jokes, etc. and I think I'm going to put that away, somewhere where I won't see it so I won't be tempted to look at it and dwell about the past. Thanks for your reply!

[Iceman26]

Well, since you have tried to contact your ex to no avail, call his folks. IMO, your ex blew it, dinking around and playing a game. I know you want to be the big person, are trying not to make a big issue out this and not get his folks involved but your ex has no one to blame but himself. Time to stop being so accomidating to an ex. Get your things and put this to rest once and for all.

 

I agree. It sounds like you have a good relationship with his parents, so I would call them and simply explain that you need your things and when would be a convenient time to come and pick them up.

 

You have been more than patient.

[kellbell]

Hey there,

 

No prob. I just feel he is using your stuff as colateral and a way to have some contact with you. He has something you want. It sounds like you have a great relationship with his folks. You don't have to say anything negative about him to his parents, just say something like, "I have had no luck in contacting him and I would really like my things back as soon as possible..."

 

I wish you luck.