Having trouble going from sub to domme

[joiseygrl]

So... I used to be extremely aggressive sexually. Then I discovered the wonderful world of submission. I have come to realize that I enjoy being a sub way more than being a domme. So this new guy I've started having sex with would prefer it if I was the agressor. So here are my issues/questions:

 

1. Last week he was on top of me while we were kissing and touching, he stopped and said, "Remember how I told you I hate feeling like a 16 year old trying to convince a girl to have sex with me? Well, I'm feeling that way now."... So things were settled when I flipped him on his back and had at him. So my question is; Is there some deep issues here or could he just really like it when a woman is aggressive?

 

2. It's been a LONG time since I've been the domme sexually; any tips, ideas on what to do and how to get him going? He's not into the bondage thing. (I already asked.)

[chai714]

I don't think you have to be into bondage to take control. Taking control involves taking the initiative and telling him what to do. It could be something as simple as telling him to drop his pants, while you take care of business on your knees. Dominant sexual positions might include girl on top and reverse cow-girl where you are controlling how much each person is being stimulated. So, generally speaking it's your attiude and assertiveness that will give you more dominance.

 

Have fun and good luck.

 

edit: You might also add phrases such as, "you don't have a choice, you will do what I say."

[Ash]

1. While there could be deep issues, not necessarily. He could just plain like it when the woman is the agressor. It's not at all unusual though I think it's something that some men who feel that way think they need to keep hidden. They don't need to, at least not with the right person.

 

2. Sounds like you know some of what he likes. Tell him what positions you'd like to try. Tell him where to put his hands, where and how to touch you if you'd like. Tell him when it feels good, tell him when to stop, go slow, go faster. You can go as far as to decide at what point you're going to let him orgasm and tease him up to that point if you want to start exploring things a bit further. Have him undress in front of you while you're still clothed. Tons of things to try!

[Beec]

I think that sometimes, you should insist he be the aggressor, but when you are ready ot be there are three things you should do:

 

1. Sometimes without warning, attack. It is best if you do this when he is not expecting it. It can really have a great effect, if he has been hinting around that he wants some, and you have beena cting as if you are not that interested.

 

Different forms of attack might include you letting him sit somewhere when you suddenly appear clad in little, nothing or something sexy. You could show up at is place one night, walk in, kiss his fiercely, sit him down in a chair, and then lift your skirt to show him nothing else but you, tell him to service you orally (just "lick" or "eat" will do), then when gotten off, undo his pants to get access, jump on and when finished, get off and suggest that it is now time to go out to dinner or something, as if hardly anything has happened. If he wants more, don't let him and insist he will have to wait and might get more later "if he is good". You could also just disrobe, jump on him and begin tearing off his clothes, then when disrobed, jump on and ride. Or when at dinner, go to the bathroom, and come back to hand him your panties, perhaps telling him that he has to have dessert on the way home. If you need more ideas, go read some erotic fiction.

 

About the sexiest things you could wear do to attack, are a bodystocking, catsuit or stockings under a skirt, each of which provides access so to speak, without needing removal. The catsuit cannot be used as a the other two, which work under clothes. Any of the above suggestions can use the bodystocking or stockings. Plain pantyhose with no panties can also provide some access, and are easy to hole so one has some. A catsuit requires you to appear in it and expect himt to just do what you want or let him use you.

[agent1607307371]

Are you in a relationship with him? Cause otherwise I would go and find someone who was more in tune with what I want.

 

On the Domming, just remember that it is about you. Don't ask, tell. Don't tell, do. Make him ask. Tease. Physically move him.

And don't forget that if you have any particularly subby activities (headspace probably not going to happen) that you can tell him to spank you, talk dirty ect...

[Ash]

BTW, do you think you do for sure have some Domme in you? If not, it can be hard to know what to do. Just make sure it's something you want as well or it could grow old quickly. Of course, variety is good so switching back and forth may work for you, particlarly based on what you've written. See if that works for you. See if that works for him too.

[joiseygrl]

We used to do the whole FWB over 10 years ago. We recently started "dating" and have decided to see where this goes without putting any limits on our relationship. So it's not like we're "in" a relationship, but we both want to see where it goes. I am still seeing the guy who helped me explore my submissive side so I do have that need being met.

 

He has told me that he could go either way (sub or dom) and I know I have the ability to do either. And in the middle of sex and me being all dominant, he'll flip it and be aggressive with me. The problem for me is he doesn't seem to want to initiate sex. I don’t think it’s a matter of me feeling “slutty” for “asking for it”. It’s just been a long time since I’ve had to be the initiator. In the case of my ex-husband I ALWAYS had to initiate and I was shot down on many occasions. (Turns out he was getting a whole lot more sex than I was.) Wow! Maybe that’s it! Maybe I’m still afraid of being rejected if I’m the aggressor. Ooooo… maybe I’m the one with deep issues!

[Ash]

Maybe I’m still afraid of being rejected if I’m the aggressor. Ooooo… maybe I’m the one with deep issues!

 

Possibly, although not really a deep seated issue. I know I was that way wife my ex wife (often got shot down, and many times I just plain didn't ask) so I was quite unsure in future relationships. Only now, several years later, am I getting over that.

 

That aside though, initiation and dominance and submission I see as two diferent things. The submissive one can still initiate though perhaps they'd do so in a more subtle manner ... "Sorry Ma'am, but I have misbehaved and need to be disciplined ... "