My girlfriends Ex

[MiguelSC]

So my girlfriend and I have been going out for a couple of months now and I got to tell you there is no one else like her. The sex is great and the relationship is as well. My only concern is that every now and then her ex boyfriend will stop by to visit (he’s in the army and is often away). I had no problem meeting him at first, but the more I heard about him from my girlfriends friends I found out that he treated her badly when they were together and it makes me wonder why she even still sees him. I know she is trustworthy and there is nothing going on between them. Anyways the more I have been thinking about it lately the more pissed I get about seeing some ex boyfriend every time he comes to visit and anytime she even mentions him I get mad and sometimes it will lead to an argument. It’s come to the point where I don’t even want to be around when he visits. Am I just over reacting about this ex boyfriend situation? Any advice on how either of us are acting would help. Thanks.

[Iceman26]

You know, I have never been a fan of ex's being around, period. Its caused me nothing but trouble in my past.

 

However, if you trust your girlfriend and have been ok with it this far, I see no reason to stop trusting her. It sounds like you are included when he comes to visit, so I wouldn't go looking for trouble where there is no trouble.

 

I think you should bring it up with her if there is suspicious behavior going on, but I wouldn't go looking for trouble where there is none.

[Meow18]

I understand how you feel. It confuses me as well why she would want anything to do with someone who didn't completely respect her back in the day.

 

But what can you do? You can't tell her to stop talking to him. She's obvsiouly chosen to keep in contact with him, and unless you suspect something going on between them you have no right to say that they can't talk.

 

How does he treat her now?

 

People can change. Maybe he was a jerk to her when they were together, but now that she's not allowing him to be a jerk, by not being in a relationship with him, he's not anymore.

[MiguelSC]

Thanks for the replies. He seems to be nice to her now. I just tend to have a HUGE problem with ex's and sometimes can't control myself.

[need2bme]

I always wonder why exes are ever back around. Again, aren't they exes for a reason? Sometimes though, I have found that once the love, and anger, die down from a relationship, it is easier to be friends with someone you have known for some time.

 

If she has given you no reason to doubt her, then don't. I wouldn't want him around either, but anything you say now, will make you appear jealous.

 

Also, not to make you worry, but I always wonder if it is easier for them to talk to exes and I would want her to talk to me about anything and feel comfortable about it.

 

Good luck!

[Meow18]

Sometimes people just dont' work in a committed relationship with each other, but maybe they work as friends.

 

You would know if something was going on between them. Either she would be lying about him in some way, or she would be very secretive about their friendship.

 

But you don't suspect anything going on between them. So chances are, this is just one of those rare cases where they both realize they don't work committed to each other, but they would still like to remain friends.. and nothing more.

[adahy]

Your feelings are totally justified.

 

For me, when a woman does this it is a sign of disrespect. She shouldn't place you in a situation where you "have to trust her"...or one that makes you uncomfortable. Your feelings are normal. I (as a man) would NEVER take a girlfriend around one of my ex's, much less invite one over to the house. I wouldn't put someone I cared about in an uncomfortable situation intentionally. Yet, women do this far too often. Then, they (or their friends) have the nerve to question you and make you feel guilty..."stop being insecure". Screw that, it is disrespectful plain and simple. These days, I will leave if it happens. I wouldn't get mad or anything like that, I'd just calmly leave...for good. And no, I wouldn't feel the least bit inclined to give her an explanation. People that don't comprehend basic respect, usually aren't worth the time. In my book, your girlfriend is 'suspect'.