brdsong Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I was due to get married in April. "irreconsilable differences". We broke up in November, but we still really love each other and no matter how much time passes the breakup still feels fresh and raw, as if it were yesterday. If it continues like this, I don't know how I'm going to cope when 'The Day' arrives. How will I get through it? Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 What I've done in the past on dates that I thought would be ridiculously difficult to get through was set myself reminders for that day telling me to smile and cheer up. Then I tried to sort something out so that day was so busy I didn't have a chance to think about it. Maybe something like a theme park or something like that? Maybe even just a pub crawl or something with your friends! Point being...do something fun that distracts you from what you would have been doing. And make sure when it comes to the night that you have friends around you! The last thing you want is to be alone. I hope you're ok xxx I said 'something' a lot in there didn't I? Blimey. 1 Link to comment
DN Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Are you sure that the differences are not capable of being fixed? I read your other post on this. If you both really love each other then there are few problems that can't be fixed with negotiation and compromise on both sides. There are folks who can help you repair relationships - some people on here have had some success. 1 Link to comment
brdsong Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 Thanks Parsley, for such a quick and considered response. And DN, I desperately wish it could be sorted, but it cant. It's children issues, current ones from previous relationships and future ones, the cant of thing you cant expect anybody to compromise on. It made us miserable for the last few months of our relationship, but when you're missing someone, it's easy for the bad memories and issues to be forgotten..... Link to comment
Dako Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 If you can do something really distracting on that day, you might partly forget your sadness. Imagine doing something that takes your full attention. If you can keep busy enough, the day will go by in 24 hours. 1 Link to comment
Parsley Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I only hope I helped! I know the days I've tried to ignore weren't anywhere near as difficult to deal with as yours must be, but I figured that it was a common goal - just to be distracted! I would highly recommend a theme park or something of that ilk. There's nothing that distracts you more than saying to yourself "why did I just strap myself into something that is going to go 100 ft in the air...then turn UPSIDE DOWN?!?!" *hug* Link to comment
Dako Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Parsley, That was my same thought! Scary stuff like that really is distracting. Link to comment
brdsong Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 Yeah I have to admit the stomach churning you get from a rollercoaster has gotta be better than the stomach churning I'm feeling - and probably everyone here is feeling at the moment! Thanks again *hug* Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 On difficult anniversaries, sometimes I've done the opposite, which is to go by the sea (always works for me) and have a good think and kind of let myself mourn. Sort of like giving myself permission to grieve, and be kind to myself? That or distracting yourself - the theme park idea sounds like a great idea. But definitely plan something, so you're in control of how you handle the day, rather than try to make it a regular day with your normal routine. I'm sorry that you can't work it out - that must be so hard to deal with. Take care 1 Link to comment
onelittleladybug Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi brdsong Im so sorry to hear this. I completely relate to what you are going through, my ex and I were engaged and although we had not set a date I had just been going through wedding plans when we broke up. I think this day is going to hurt terribly no matter what. Is there any chance you can do something huge like going on a trip with a friend to a foreign city? Something that would turn it into a really special day but in a totally different way. I am very likely going on a trip to Paris to meet my best friend there in April myself, April fools will be an anniversary of our first date and although I dont think I will be there that day I know it will help a lot if Im preparing to go on this trip. If you cant, then I would just surround myself with good friends that love you. 1 Link to comment
bella321 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Hi Brdsong It was incredibly courageous for you to do what you did. Often times, people are too weak and not able to admit that they shouldn't be getting married. You were strong enough to make a difficult decision so you will be strong enough to make it to the month of May... and by then the date you were dreading will have already past. My friend just called off her engagement in November also. She was supposed to get married September 2007. She and a bunch of girlfriends are all going to Miami that weekend to get a way from it all. Is a mini weekend getaway with your girlfriends a possibility? Good luck and stay strong! 1 Link to comment
catgirl82 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 my advice is to look at the day as 24 hours that will pass, no matter what you think. look forward to the day AFTER, which will be a huge relief to you. i think it would be kind of cool to do something symbolic on that day, that reminds you of the life you have outside of this failed relationship. dont forget about your family, your friends, your hobbies, all of those other things that make you YOU. so, maybe it would be a good idea to have some sort of a gathering, or an outing, to remind you and reawaken you to all of the good things in your life. no matter what, i would NOT spend this day alone! you are bound to obsess, analyze and just get depressed if you are by yourself. and before you know it, poof, the day will be over. 1 Link to comment
ebsmith1 Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 I wish I had a good answer for you. I was supposed to get married in May. I have my dress, his ring and various other things that I can't make myself get rid of. I guess I really can't accept the fact that it is over. I think some others have given good ideas. Either plan something very distracting, or just give yourself that day to grieve. I haven't decided which I will do yet. I'm just waiting to see where I am with all of this by then. 1 Link to comment
brdsong Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 ebsmith, obviously, i feel for you. Let me know what you decide to do, and I'll do the same! This is the first thread I've started on this site, infact its the first day I've visited the site, and I'm overhelmed with the advice and support I've received from so many people in just a few hours. It's particulary touching as everyone here is going through their own crisis, they must be, to be here, and they take time to help others. I hope at some point I'll have some good advice or words of encouragement for you lot. Thankyou. Link to comment
brdsong Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 By 'i'll do the same' i meant I'll let you know what I decide too, not that I'll copy your solution, just to clarify... Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now