Please read my story I don t know what to do.....

[mrpink]

It has been one month since I break up with my girlfriend. We were together for year. She decided to break up with me just before holidays and then she went back home. This decision that she had made really shocked me and i didn t had much chance to prove her that she made a mistake. For last two mounts our relationship was really bad. To be honest I really didn t know should i stay with her or to move on. I treated her badly and i haven t shown any interest in her beside sex. She felt it but she didn t want to break up. She used to left me letters under pillow describing how she felt and that she is scared for us but i didn't found any of these letter and i haven't read them.After we broke up she said she burned it.One of the problem was that i was with her since she has moved to my city and she didn t meet friends here to hang out with. So she was alone when she wasn t with me. In last two mounts iI didn t want to see her so often so she had lots of time for thinking. I would get out with my friends and left her home alone even though she stayed only for me in my home town where she goes to college. I wasn t so supportive with her family problems that she was affected much i said to her that I don t want to hear about it. I even said that she is crazy. I m so sorry. But when she broke up with me everything cleared up for me. i want her back. I want to give her all that she deserves and be better to her and more supportive. But does she want it? A weak after we broke up I went to pick her up in her home town and drove her back to her apartment in my town. I bought her a rose i treated her nicely I wanted to take her for launch and have nice time with her but it didn t do any good. She said she needs time to think about it and that she felt as we were good friends.

That hurts. We have kept in touch for two weeks i used to call her every day and chat about everything. She had really good times since she broke up with me. She went twice skiing with her parents, she partied allot with her old friends she seemed really happy most of the times. She is now moving to her own apartment the things went so good for her after break up.

On the other side i felt really desperate. I went to skiing, i partied a lot but it didn t do any good i felt so empty and i think of her every day, hour... I m afraid of losing her completely and I can t imagine her with another that drives me nuts. I asked her if she had someone and at first she said i have no wright to ask her that but after i pushed her she said she do. Then i start criticise her and ask her how can she be with someone after so little and then she said she doesn t have anybody but also that i m pushing her away with such scenes. I really think she doesn t have anybody after all that mess with our relationships but there is always doubt and it is killing me.

For last two weeks I stopped calling her or sending SMSs. I decided to switch tactics. I m not acting like her friend no more. She didn t call me either for a week and then she send me sms just saying hello and asking how am I. I answered her that stars are again on my side... Just that... Two days later she is back in my home town. She has many finals now and i think she is all in that.

I felt weak one day because i wanted to see her and i called her. She didn't answered and i sent her a message in which i said i just want to hear how is she. She called me next day and we talk for a while ,she said she was busy so she couldn t answer me yesterday. Bull * * * *. I think she now plays with me like i played with her when we were together.She said we must keep in touch. I will wait until she is done with her exams and i wan t call her back until she will.I want to see her to show her how i improve my self and how i have become better person.More self confidence.I m in shape now and i look great but when i was with her i wasnt so because i didn't care. I m clear now with my self I know what i want I think she will love new me.

I want her back. What do you think is there any chance, and tell me what would be your advice?

[robowarrior]

You don't know what you got until its gone.

 

You don't deserve her, you treated her like trash and you expect her to take you back. Couples are supposed to make eachother happy, and bring love and light into eachothers lives. So remember...

 

If you neglect a flower, it will rot and die.

 

What will happen if a farmer who doesn't take care of his vegetables and fruits? The harvest will FAIL. Basically you are that farmer, you've put yourself on the throne and only thought of self pleasure self forfillment and self interest. This is why you neglected her, because your world revolves around you.

 

Nope, if you want something from life then you will have to sacrifice something of equal value of yourself to gain it.

 

In this case, you should have invested time and attention in making her happy. Now that the flower has died its too late, what will watering and feeding it on that moment do any good?

 

Nope you have to water and feed and invest time into the flower BEFORE it dies. Before it is too late you need to give your life a swing back into the right direction.

 

Basically i think you need to replace this dead flower with a new seed in the ground. My advice although you won't like it, is to find yourself another girl in which you do spend time,love, and making her happy in terms of a long term continues investment.

[Jeffrey2095]

Hello mrpink

 

Well my friend, you will have to work hard if you want to have her back.

 

Maybe, right now, you should concentrate on being her friend. Put the romance and the worry about that to one side, I know it's hard but...

 

Personally, I think you have a good idea in waiting until after exams, the pressure, and more pressure. It will give you time to think of an effective and nice apology.

 

Just relax for a minute, and think about what you did, and why things went the way they did etc... and what you will do differently next time.

 

But, start first to be her friend, and don't forget to tell her how sorry you are, even if you guys can only remain friends and that's it. I'm sure it will only help, no matter what.

 

Peace and good luck to you mrpink, and welcome to ENA, stick around and I bet you'll find alot of good advice here.

 

Jeffrey

[GoingForIt_77]

Look, what you have to focus in on now is that you MESSED up BIG TIME with her. What you did was DENY her of love, affection, attention, warmth, kindness and the list goes on.

 

What you have to understand now is that she is feeling VERY little and not worthy. What happened is that she woke up from her slumber and realized that she deserved more than what you were giving her and she made a decision to take care of herself, because you weren't living up to your end of the bargain so to speak.

 

Any DRASTIC move you make now will ONLY be perceived as a means to get her back and it will only be regarded with suspicion and resentment. She is ANGRY with you, but she is also HURT right NOW. That won't last forever and that I PROMISE you.

 

What you have to do right now in regards to her is NOTHING. I do believe that you SHOULD be her friend (because you weren't even that with her before), but that time is NOT NOW. You MUST give her space now to recover from the pain and hurt that you inspired in her. You have to allow her to heal from that.

 

During this time apart and it should last for weeks (a bare of minimum 2-6), you have to kick yourself in the $@@#$ and feel the pain of what you did to her, so that if you are ever given the chance with her again, that you will never make the same mistake again. You have to get stronger now and bite the bullet. You have to understand that she is in pain and needs time to let it process and she needs to see that you are RESPECTING her NOW for the first time by giving her space and that WILL change things (her opions, feelings).

 

When enough time has passed, as I mentioned above, you can then slowly re-establish contact. She MAY not be receptive right away and that will be normal, because her defenses will be up and she will protecting her heart again, which is NORMAL. You must understand this and work with it and NOT against it.

 

You must be supportive and understanding when in contact. Do NOT ask her for another chance, or tell her that you love her or that you have changed. Let her see it for herself, if she still wants to. You can never change her mind, but you can help her to want to change it on her own through your NON-THREATENING actions and patience. Remember, she may still hold hostility towards you when you re-approach her in the process. If you won't be able to handle that, then you stand NO chance.

 

Nothing is impossible, because feelings do change. She once loved you. You hurt her and now she is protecting herself from YOU, so not to hurt anymore. Feelings can change again and go from bad back to good, but there must be a progression for that to occur.

[GoingForIt_77]

Guaranteed that this Mr. Pink guy (the OP) never comes back on here. He's a one hit wonder.

[mrpink]

Thanks for adice.

I really love her ,I was just so messed up and confused.. I want her back and i know i won t do it by beeing misserable...I haven t seen her for three weeks and we havent spoken in a week should I ask her for cup of coffe. Is it to early??? I have a major problem I can t stop thinking about her and another man...This is driving me nutts, how to deal with that???

[jazzykat]

Guaranteed that this Mr. Pink guy (the OP) never comes back on here. He's a one hit wonder.

 

....Strange you say that... feels like there's someone on here who keeps posting under different user names (dummy accounts)... -funny how many "posters" have just sprung up in the month of January... -sometimes I even think the person posts to themself to make him/her look popular or something..?

 

LOL! Weird what some people will do.

 

Aaah well... I'm sure the Admin will pick it up with the IP addresses.. -we all know multiple accounts aren't allowed..

[GoingForIt_77]

Don't do it yet man! If you are this emotional, that will scare her off even more. She had to run away from Mr. emotional and Mr. Clingy.

 

I know it's been 3 weeks since the break-up and 1 week of NC and that tells me that you may have done quite a bit of damage during those 2 weeks post-breakup. Did you? Did you push her into getting back with you? Did you grovel/plead and beg and tell her how much you NEEDED her? I can guarantee you that if you did, it would have decreased your chances and pushed her further away from you in the process.

 

Right now, there is nothing you can do. Do not think of her with another guy. Your jealousy and insecurities is STRONG and she will feel like you just want to control her and that's most likely what drove her away from you.

 

Step back, don't worry about other guys, or how baddly you need her right now. You are placing your entire happiness on her right now. Shift that focus back to yourself, which is where it was at when you originally met her, wasn't it?

 

You have to get back to a point where you are emotionally detached enough that you can handle the thought of living without her, because you have you. When you get to that point, you can call her, but not before then.

[mrpink]

Thanks man, I really screwd up first two weeks days after break up i even wrote her a letter, on new year she sent me message in which she wished me happy new year with lot of love and i returned to her that I want only her for new year, I had break down when she told me that she is seeing somebody and then she denied it. Then I went skiing and from then i stop bugging her. I haven t heared from she in a week and then she wrote me message I replied shortly. Two days after I called her and she called me next day and had a brief conversation. Its now two weeks without scenes. We dont have mutal friends so it s hard for me to know whats happening in her life. I want to know how is she livnig now. Man, women can mess you up ten times more than you can her. There is also sexual tension because I don t have regular sex life and i miss that. I can t learn... But I planed my schedule and my day full with activities.

I dont now if I am wrong but I think that after beeing with me she wont rush in relationships because i had done enough damage to her. Dam this is so hard thank for your advice i really need it. Because i don t want to show my friends or family weakness I am just not that kind of person.

I ask you if she loved me so much before an she stayed with me after all i done to her can she just lose it so quickly... If she see better me and she still had some felling she must get back to me....

[bubbles07]

mr pink sorry to hear your situation but you can't really blame her for leaving. If you were treated the same way as her, would you stick around? You got to ask yourself did you treat her right? Did you treat her how she shuold of been treated? If I was you just leave her alone and let her figure things out on her own. You can't undo any damage by trying to get back with her or any other tactics. Just give her space and don't contact her. I think that you maybe wrong about her jumping into other relationships quickly. I think that she may because she knows that its not normal for guys to treat woman like that and now she maybe looking for someone that will treat her like a princess. I hate to say it but once she does meet a nice guy that does treat her well, I think that your chances are really slim. I hate to say it but I think its the truth. All you can do is learn from this experience and move on. Just make sure that you don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship.

 

Its hard to overlook a lot of bad when there isn't that much good. I think you guys may of shared some good times and some bad times but all she may see is the negative aspect of the relationship and thats why she left. She may never look back sorry.

[breeze33]

Mr Pink, sorry, but you messed up bigtime. You said you frequently left her alone in the apartment to go party with friends and then used her for sex. When I read about the sexual tension you are feeling, it made me wonder again---is this what it's really about? Have you learned anything? I think she felt used and is avoiding you because she didn't get the respect, love and attention she deserved and felt like a booty call to you. She may be wary of your attention because she may feel that is what is driving you to pursue her. But worst of all was that you were not supportive to her when she had a family crisis and that is a very big deal.

 

I don't want to give you false hope but if I were in her shoes, I honestly would not come back to you and she may not if she has any amount of self-respect. In this case, it sounds like she does and is moving on.

 

Sorry, but from what I've read and how you treated her, you may have to let her go. The most important thing is what have you learned from this? The lesson is now to work on yourself and become a better human being, esp a romantic love. If it was meant to be, she will come back but only if she is convinced that you have changed. I think you will have to go NC with her because the hurt is still there from how you treated her. If you still want a relationship with her, contact her months later, then she can evaluate the new you. The new you does not happen overnight. If she doesn't come back, just take it as a positive lesson to be learned and change yourself. It will help in your next relationship.