calgaryguy Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Yup Its me again checking in! For those that dont know my story here is a little recap. went out for 3 years broke up she came back after 5 or so months been together again for 8 moths now So ya, Things are going great! Its even better than it was before all this happen. Im planning on proposing to her later on this year, summer time probably. how does that saying go, if you love something let it go and if it comes back it was truly yours....or something like that....well im a believer of that now. Best of luck to all of you and thank you to those that helped me out at my worse. Take care people!! once again if anyone needs any advise please msg me, I would be glad to offer advise. Link to comment
wishiknew Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 wow, another positive outcome, and a local one at that. I wish you all the best Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Did you do NC? If so, did you inform her that you would avoid contact with her, or just mysteriously disappeared from her? Is that what it took for her to realize she missed you? Did she go out with others during those 5 months? Do you think that the shorter a relationship lasted, the lesser the chances of getting back together? Say, for example, If two couples break up, one that has been together for 6 months, the other 2 years, do you think it's more likely that the couple of 2 years would get back together? Link to comment
calgaryguy Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 thank you wishiknew, nice to see locals on here finalcloude13 - I broke NC many times, than i just stoped caring and started to go my own way...a month later after no contact i started getting msn msg's from her, then text msg on my phone, then finally phone calls. So we met up and pretty much started dating again the next day. Ya she went out with other, as did I. Its only normal to have rebound relationships. I just kinda had too many lol. I think the longer you are with a person the more you will become closer to then and being apart will see so much more dif. So in a way ya, i think so. I mean if you have a pet lets say for a week and it dies you would really morne its loss for years , but if that pet has been with you for 12 years and it dies than yes, you feel the pain way more. Bad example but you get my point. Best of luck to you friend. Link to comment
finalcloud13 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 I see, do you think it was a bad idea to break the NC the multiple times that you did? Do you think the result would have been the same if you didn't break NC from the first attempt? And when your ex started to contact you again, did you ignore her messages, or did you reply? By the way, your pet example is a very good example, I clearly understand what you mean. Link to comment
hailtothevictors Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Calgaryguy - good to hear a success story! What were the circumstances of your break-up? Why did she break up with you? My g/f of 2.5 years broke up with me because she felt she loved me more as a friend than a boyfriend. We are both 20 and were each other's first bf/gf, so I think anxiety over the fact that I might be the only guy she ever dated contributed to the break-up. I want her back more than anything, but I think the "friend more than a boyfriend" thing is going to be difficult to overcome. I appreciate any words of advice you may have! Link to comment
stlyooper Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 calgaryguy, You are my new hero! I would definitely like to message you and seek some of your advice! Congratulations on the successful reconciliation between the both of you! That's excellent! Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Having read all of your posts, it seems like you never really did NC through it all and in most cases, when two people don't do do NC, they don't end up heal and still carry the hurt and nothing is learned. I believe that insight and true appreciation for the other can only be found in separation. Giving the other space to find themselves, heal, get over the hurt, go out with friends (dates), shows a tremendous amount of respect for them and for yourself. It shows them that you are also independent and CAN survive without them and won't fall apart (two very anti-seductive things).. I'm glad you two are back, but what must ALWAYS be considered that the reasons for the break-up should be dealt with and worked on BEFORE re-entering in a friendship or relationship with then, because if not, then things will start over from square one. Link to comment
calgaryguy Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 finalcloude13 - Ya It wasnt really getting anywhere when we talked and stuff. I contacted her lots of times, it was hard not to. I realised finally that it was pointless and stoped doing everything the weeks before getting back together. I did ignore her msg but than she called once from a dif number so i picked up......and there you have it. Good luck man! Hailtothevictors - Hey there, she hit her party stage i guess, no real reason for breaking up but she just thought there was better out there but realised the grass wasnt greener on the other side and came crawling back harsh way to put it but very true. Im sure if you treated your girl right she will concider seeing you again if its the same case as my story. Perhaps NC would help you out to make her realise what shes losing. Good Luck!! stlyooper - Thank you very much Im looking forward to hearing from you. Goingforit_77 - thank you. No i was breaking NC left right and center, but closer to the end I was doing nc and she did attempt to contact me many times without me responding. That I think actually make her realise that I was starting to not care anymore. I agree on everything you said! great advice for myself and everyone else. Thanks again. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Yeah, I just see it as NC is necessary for some. It all depends on HOW hurt your ex is when they leave you. The more hurt they are, the more closed they will be to your advances and SO, you MUST practice complete NC for awhile and that can vary between 2-6 weeks for the first REAL break-up. It all depends on the gravity again of HOW hurt they are, or how scared they are of getting hurt again by you. If they are closed to you, then BACK OFF and maybe your sheer absense won't make them contact you on their own, but they WILL feel you having pulled away and only THEN are they able to let go of that hurt and fear a little more each day and that will slowly be replaced with good memories. It is at that point that you can break NC and TRY and re-establish contact, but you have to be NON-THREATENING and VERY indirect in the way you do it, because their suspicions WILL be up and they WILL not trust your intentions right away and they still might not trust themselves in YOUR presense. It's a progression. In your case, NC worked, but you may have gotten her back a LOT sooner if you would have practiced NC a lot sooner. Either way, congrats. Dan Link to comment
bubbles07 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 congrats man, glad to see that everything worked out for you. I think that most girls go through the "party stage". Link to comment
calgaryguy Posted January 20, 2007 Author Share Posted January 20, 2007 thanx again Dan. I agree with you, I probably would have got her back sooner, she even told me that she thought I was mad at her and was scared to contact me at first. Oh well, lesson learned. Bubbles - Ya im with you on that.........its those 18 19 that tend to snap ata one point and hit the bars. Thanx btw. Link to comment
GoingForIt_77 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 My ex is also 19 going on 20 and I'm not . Link to comment
martial Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 Well Calgary Guy I am a Calgary Guy also... Sounds very similar to my situation.... Be broke up 1 month ago after 7 years.....I did all the typical behavior...begging pleading trying to WIN her back and all it has done has puch her farther away...... I have now been NC for a week.......I am starting to feel better and I do hope that I end up like you....... If not that so be it......But everyone take my advice........Give the Dumper the space they want.......anything else just ruins any chance you have......... Congrats on your scenario........... Link to comment
calgaryguy Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 haha dan, well maybe some hit later lol. Thanx martial, i wish you best of luck my friend. Link to comment
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