o not alone o 1234506 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 i realize that theres no more spark with my boyfriend and i of 6 years... is that bad? i mean... i feel different...no more running to the phone when he calls... no more butterflies (well not recently)... does that mean its over....does that mean move on? i know its winter and its so hard to go do things and maybe i just got the winter jitters...but its not like im gonna go look for anyone else...but its so boring... it hurts feeling this way...it hurts even more telling him... he doesnt understand it... he thinks im always out to look for someone else.... any ladys know what i mean?... i love him... i mean common hes one of the good ones... its just...so boring though... we dont live together and we work separate shifts...hes starting to drink a good bit but we both just turned 21 a year ago so...i guess u cant blame him... maybe if we moved in together things would be different... anyone ?... 1 Link to comment
Jeffrey2095 Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Hello o not alone , I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is going this way. Pesonally, I think that in just your exploring these questions ie: "Has the excitement and stimulative qualities, (the romance) gone out of my marriage of six years?" there an indicator. It happens. Sometimes it can take that long to come to a realization thay we were close, but not completely compatable for the relationship we are in. I'm just going to assume that you have made efforts to pick up your marriage, have you told him what's on your mind, or asked him any questions that would probe that topic? I don't know the guy, so I can't really make an informed statement on your relationship personally, but I know you will consider his feelings in this, and that's what makes it so hard. I wish you luck in whatever decision you come to. Stick around this website, and you will probably receive a lot of good advice. Best wishes Jeffrey Link to comment
Blue Skittles Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Its very common for the 'spark' to run out after being with each other a long time being together. It requires a lot more effort to keep that spark alive. I've known couples that did this by having a 'date' night once a week, sharing a bottle of wine on a friday night, that kinda thing. Moving in together is not going to change things. It might even add to the problem because then you are seeing him every minute of the day. I understand how you feel. When i was 20 I was in a relationship for 3 years and like you said it just got 'boring', there were no sparks. So I did end up breaking up with him. I have some regrets about it today because he was a really good guy and treated me like a princess and since then i've been in a lot of crappy relationships and got treated like $$$$. But you never know what the future can bring so maybe i was supposed to break up with him. Ultimately its your decision. If you want to stay in the relationship, its not going to be all that exciting. But you are young and if you want to move on and see what else is out there then that would be good for you too. Link to comment
o not alone o 1234506 Posted January 21, 2007 Author Share Posted January 21, 2007 well...im not married to him...but i tell you what.... hes such a good guy and he has the same out look on life and outlook on things as i do... hes so great...maybe we need a vacation.... i cant jump the gun on this one...because it may turn out that i raelly made a big mistake... he knows how i feel... i know how he feels...i guess i just gatta wait it out...because if i truley didnt love him....or was really THAT bored... i would have ended it without a doubt... right? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 well, there's routine boredom one feels,or a better word might be restlessness... tired of the same old routine etc., and wish you had a vacation or something different to spice things up. that's normal, and if he matters to you, you can work on ways to vary your routine so that you get a little excitement... vacation, try new sexy moves, take up a new hobby together etc. but then there's mind numbing, terminal boredom, where you just look at the person and just think, can i spend another 20 years like this? that usually happens when you really grow apart, have no common interests, or one person has some kind of problem (drugs, drinking, TV watching obsession) or anything the separates you and you can't be close because of it... so try to evaluate him and your interactions for their own merit, to see whether it is just that you need to find some new sparks and things to do in your life (together), or whether you need to find a new man because you really don't have much in common, or really enjoy each other anymore. Link to comment
Northalius Posted January 21, 2007 Share Posted January 21, 2007 hes starting to drink a good bit but we both just turned 21 a year ago so...i guess u cant blame him... Well, this is the main thing that struck a chord with me. It's the only thing that stood out as to what the reason might be. I'm 27 and don't drink at all; heck, I didn't have an ounce of alcohol on my 21st birthday! So I would not let "just hitting 21" be an excuse for why someone drinks a lot. The 'spark' is dying out for you after he turned 21 and started drinking... coincidence? I don't think it is. But... I could be wrong. Still, I'd look into it. I hate to ask this, but... is he an alcoholic? Link to comment
o not alone o 1234506 Posted January 22, 2007 Author Share Posted January 22, 2007 i dont know...hes a cop....after he became one he kinda went with them to bars a hole lot...but hes been working nights so he cant really go out...and instad of drinking latley hes been asking to go to the movies and its been 2 weeks and we havent went out...i think he also sees the money is going quick... i donno... i really just dont know... its to soon to tell i guess.... all i know is...he bings me all the time... and when were out he drinks a looooot....but latley like i said...things have been ok cuz he works.... and when he went ot hte police academy...the first thing he said to me was this "75% of relationships/marrages fail when you become a police man..." and were trying VERY hard to not make that happen to us because if u love someone...you wont give up! i just cant give up on him yet...i just cant... but yet i think....i sit and i think..... Link to comment
Northalius Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Have you thought of seeing a marriage counselor together? And do you have your own counselor you see by yourself? That'd be your best bet! Instead of just thinking about it all the time, letting it burden you like this. There could be issues at his job (which isn't an easy one at times) he's going through, that he just needs to talk out; these might be the underlying issues that are causing this. Link to comment
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