what do you do if...

[Caterina]

You don't want a second date? So I went on a date and the guy treated me really well. Took me to a nice restraunt, and let me pick the movie. Thing is, I don't feel a lot of chemistry. I didn't like two things: one, he said that he smokes pot and two, he was wayyy too touchy-feely for the first date. I don't think badly of him, but I'm not really interested in a second date. He asked me if I was interested near the last date and I said yes call me. Now, I was probably wrong. but I chickened out. I HATE letting people know I'm not interested. What should I do...here are some options:

 

1) let him call and not pick up...he gets a clue and isn't hurt too much hopefully

 

2) be honest and say something along the lines of, I am not interested in someone who smokes pot...the lifestyle that it entails is too different from mine...and not mention anything about how I think we're too different

 

3) answer the phone, be respectful and nice but brief and tell him I'm busy and he gets the clue

 

4) some magnificent way of not hurting/rejecting in any way without actually having to tell him

 

5) you tell me, please

[equinox]

Well forget number one anyway, it's exceptionally rude. I think you should just tell him that you're not interested, if you only went on one date then it's no big deal at all.

[dogheadma]

I've been in that position before and there's two different ways I've handled it depending on the situation.

 

1. Be honest and tell them you don't think the chemistry is there and you aren't interested in seeing them again. A little bit rough, but direct and honest and upfront.

 

2. Tell them you met someone else that you're really interested in and you would like to pursue it further. A little bit softer approach, but fibbing.

 

I would recommend either one of these two. I've always used them and they seem to work fine.

 

Then there's #3 which I've never used but had used on me once and I thought it was kinda tacky. And that's, "I've just got out of a relationship and don't think I'm ready to see anyone right now." Very low class. Don't use it. Other than that, I've found either #1 or #2 to work pretty well.

 

Of if you want to get into more intricate fibbing, which is not my style, but there's all kinds of things you could say. Such as, my job just relocated me/found new job out of state, my dog just died, you have to go visit a sick relative/friend, you just won the lottery, I don't know, you could techincally say anything you want because you won't see them again anyway. My personal policy though is that honesty is best.

 

Whatever explanation you give, just keep in mind that it was only one date. It's not like thier gonna go play on the freeway or anything just because you turned them down.

[Boughs]

DON'T say its cuz of the pot. Say "I'm just not interested enough. But thanks for the date."

[DN]

"I am flattered by your interest but am sorry to say that I don't feel the same way."

[shikashika]

I agree...

 

DON'T say its because of pot... some other girl could find it a coold and groovy thing they would do together...andanother girl may like his touchy feely-ness

 

DON'T say you're busy or drying your hair, or going to your grandmother's funeral or any other lame excuse...

 

When he calls... just tell him you're not interested.. be polite and firm.

 

maybe he was just one of those guys who says "i'll calll you"... when he never intends to anyway If he picks that option, then you don't have to worry about anything!

[Caterina]

Well, I was honest and he was really nice about it. I'm really glad I chose to treat him with the respect he deserved and called him.

[Lansing]

Yeah, seriously, I wish more girls would just be upfront about things...