His ex will be there too!need advice please!

[rucnateb]

hi....i just really need some advice...my boyfriends father b day is tomorrow night...well i just found out hat my boyfriends ex will be there too.for me the situation is a little uncomfortable for me so i dont want to go.he is looking at me like i am weird or something...telling me i am been inmature.they are friends since they broke up 4 years ago,but to me its just an awkward situation.we ended up arguing and the last thing he said was that i would look bad by not showing up.his parents invited her so he tells me...at this point i dont know what to think...if i am wrong or what...and dont know what to do...if anyone can shed some light this way i would really be grateful.right now i am just miserable...

[robowarrior]

He may call it immature, i call it a direct threat. Its simple tho, either you are his nr.1 in life, or she is. He should know better then to bring an ex gf , he could know it would cause trouble and embarrasment for you.

 

My advice is: don't go.

 

Even if that ends the relationship, i think its terrible that he doesn't take your feelings into account, and ask him vice versa if you would hang out with a lot of hot ex-bf's and invite them on your birthday party without him getting jealous? I think its absolutely rediculous, his ex should be a thing of the past , and friendships (unless they are lesbian or gay) between men and woman don't exist, nature takes its course, and they already had something in the past. Most distressing indeed if you ask me.

[annie24]

why are they still friends? you know, if they broke up 4 years ago, it could be that they are just old friends now, nothing more. Do you trust you boyfriend?

 

I think it would extremely bad if you didn't go and the situation would reflect poorly on you. this is your boyfriend's father's special day, not yours. you should go and be nice to your boyfriend's dad.

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey rucnateb -

 

I totally feel you and it is he that has the somewhat immature attitude in my opinion....Just mean that it's obvious to a great many humans who have feelings that its uncomfortable for people to be around someone they know their bf had a relationship with.

 

I mean, we can talk all day long about "mature" responses and stifling our true feelings for the sake of posterity, but come on! It's there for all of us. I would feel weird being around an ex of my husband's and we've been married for 8 years and have 3 kids!

 

I think you can still go, be the bigger person about the whole thing, be plesant and show your "maturity" but you're not a freak, you're not immature and you're not weird for having normal feelings...

[Siriana]

I agree almost with everything robowarrior wrote.

 

He may call it immature, i call it a direct threat. Its simple tho, either you are his nr.1 in life, or she is. He should know better then to bring an ex gf , he could know it would cause trouble and embarrasment for you.

 

My advice is: don't go.

 

Even if that ends the relationship, i think its terrible that he doesn't take your feelings into account, and ask him vice versa if you would hang out with a lot of hot ex-bf's and invite them on your birthday party without him getting jealous?

 

Thats rude. You're his gf and he and his parents should be wiser - they can't have you both there on that day!

They're being immature and socialy stupid. You're normal and you expect nothing special - just socialy acceptable behaviour.

Be prepared that if you don't go - this could be the beggining of the end of your relationship.

[annie24]

I do have a question though.... what is the nature of the relationship with the exgf? I mean, were they friends for years and years? Is she a family friend? ie, is her father friends with your boyfriend's father? Has she been trying to make the moves on your boyfriend? For example, if her father is friends with your boyfriend's father, I don't think you can insist that she not attend these parties.

 

and besides, he is with you, not with her.

[Maverick32x]

being broken up for 4 years and still friends.... chances are there is something more there than just "Ex-Gf"... like it or not hes going to have friends that are girls or guys.....

 

If you can't handle that, than you probably should just leave the relationship now, since this girl will probably be involved in his life for a long time (Especially if his parents invited her)

 

I am also interested in the answers to annie's questions since that might shed some light on the situation~

[rucnateb]

they were friends before they started dating...then the dating thing just didnt work for them so they are just friends now.they have been broken up for 4 years now but still in contact.now he is really upset with me because i dont want to go...and i just dont know what to do.

[lizziebee]

Totally agree with what Anne says...trust your gut. Let us know..

[Joneysnai]

hi....i just really need some advice...my boyfriends father b day is tomorrow night...well i just found out hat my boyfriends ex will be there too.for me the situation is a little uncomfortable for me so i dont want to go.he is looking at me like i am weird or something...telling me i am been inmature.they are friends since they broke up 4 years ago,but to me its just an awkward situation.we ended up arguing and the last thing he said was that i would look bad by not showing up.his parents invited her so he tells me...at this point i dont know what to think...if i am wrong or what...and dont know what to do...if anyone can shed some light this way i would really be grateful.right now i am just miserable...

 

look at it this way. his parents invited his x girlfriend to go, not HIM. i think in a way it is an awkward situation but it has been 4 years and he is with u now right? r u comfortable with the fact that they remained friends after they broke up? if u r comfortable with that, it shouldn't matter if she will be present.

 

maybe she has a close relationship with his parents (my x-boyfriend's parents have a close relationship with me but i would never ever go back with him. we are friends i guess, i'm more the person he is leaning to for support and nothing else) my current boyfriend, whom i love VERY MUCH knows about this and i've even told my x-boyfriend's parents about my current boyfriend. they even want to meet him when he will come visit next. now call THAT awkward.

 

getting back to your situation, it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is hiding anything from u or that there is anything going on. sounds like he wants u by his side simply cuz it's his father's bday and u r his girlfriend. he should understand how awkward u feel but i'm hoping he's made u feel comfortable at least with the way he feels about u and towards his x girlfriend.

 

i say go and see how he interacts with his x-girlfriend, see if he brings u into conversations and if he stays by your side. u can read him so much better if u can see how he is with his "friend" and who knows it might not be as bad as u think.

 

if u don't go, u'll just wonder all night. won't u feel left out?

[rucnateb]

thank u all for the advice...i think i will go to the party...and see what happens...i feel a little better and not that lost thanks to you all..