What should I do? Desperate!!

[TWIS7ER]

I really feel that I won't know anything in a few days or months or years, because she holds grudges and even if she wants to be with me badly, she will adapt to not being with me. I just feel there is No hope at all now, I guess I just have to accept it and adapt to it myself.

[doyathink]

What are 'off-lines'?

 

I wonder if I'm just wasting my time typing all of this...you dont seem to want any help....you do just the opposite....

 

It's totally your call....but I fear your just making matters worse.

[TWIS7ER]

off-lines are messages sent via yahoo messenger, while they are off line and they will get them as soon as they log in.

 

No you aren't wasting your time at all, LI just don't know why I feel I need to go there and get information, I guess I do just so I can see her in person and see how she reacts to what I say and feel, I try to see if I can tell if she is missing me. I just try to figure stuff out by her actions instead of words.

 

But trust me I am not going down ther ANYMORE and I am not going to leave her any messages at ALL.

[doyathink]

Thats what you said before. [-X

[TWIS7ER]

Just out of curiuosity are you on this forum because you have been through this before? If so what was the outcome?

 

Where are you from? Isn't Honah Lee from the song Puff The Magic Dragon?

[doyathink]

Yes..I have been through this...lol

The out come was...when he FINALLY gave me some room....for several days...we got back together.

 

Honah Lee is from that song.....I'm originally from Venus.

[TWIS7ER]

I know I have said it before, but before I went down there I still thought that I had a chance, I didn't have that closure. Now I have that closure and have no reason to go back down there. The reason I went back down the second time because when she told me she was done with me I just left and said ok.

 

The second time I just wanted an opportunity to say my piece and give her something to really think about as she layed in bed and went to sleep, I just wanted to let her know how I truly felt so maybe she just mighr start second guessing her decision.

 

I said the last words that I needed to say to her, So I have no reason to go back down there, If she second guesses her decision and decides that maybe she don't want to rid me or she thinks that she really needs to think about it more. Well she will have to contact me, because I won't contact her and she will see. I will prove to her that I will stay away and not message her and maybe by me proving that will make her think that much more about her decision.

[TWIS7ER]

Are you still with him?

 

Where is Venus??? LOL

[doyathink]

No, were not still together...we lasted two years. He is a cop...and I just couldn't handle his profession. Plus....he was the first guy I dated when I had just got my divorce...

[TWIS7ER]

I hope you believe my one post of me not going to contact her anymore, I know them weren't good reasons to go down there and I realized it may have been more damaging too her, but it did make me realize to never go down there again. Maybe It wont make her think about it when she goes to sleep, she will probably just think, Gosh I wished he would just leave me alone instead. I know it did upset her I came down uninvited and started asking questions. She has a tendency to pick out the negatives instead of seeing the positives. I could sit and write out 999 out of 1000 positive things to say, but that 1 negative thing I say in the middle will be the only one she thinks about.

[doyathink]

omg...I know soo many ppl who are like that too.

 

Let time tell you what will happen with this relationship...

[TWIS7ER]

Yes only time will tell, You have been a great help in my situation and I hope that you keep checking this thread because this is where I will post how I am feeling going through the NC mode. and this forum really helps the time go by and actually clears my head from alot of my own thinking.

[doyathink]

yes...this place is very helpful.

DN is one of the mods here who has helped me so much. The mods here are always willing to help if you ever need anything....just pm one of them.

 

I'll keep checking back...i truly hope it all works out for you...keep your chin up. Your a nice man.

 

Cheers...dyt.

[GoingForIt_77]

You have 2 posts going on at the same time, so I'm pasting in what I typed you in your other thread:

 

NC is not about 3 hours my man. NC can range from a week and a half to a month and a half to half a year, but 3 hours isn't NC..

 

I kind of figured you were the Dumpee. Sounds like you and her got into a fight and it's only a few hours old.

 

Some advice:

 

My ex broke up with me last Wednesday. Instead of leaving her alone immediately, I went to her appt., to try and change her mind. That didn't work. Once they have their minds made up, the first thing you need to do is STEP back and DO NOT contact them. It's not the same as an argument where they are hurt and you go over to apologize and after a bit of that, they open up their arms and let you back in.

 

When they say it's over, you have to take them seriously IMMEDIATELY, show regret and BACK OFF.

 

Does this mean you can't go back in at a future date? Of course you can, but you need to let some time pass.

 

My girl jumped on a chat line immediately and is keeping herself busy with girls and guys. I'm on here. This is how I am staying strong and it's allowing me to keep up NC since Monday, even though I know she is setting up dates with people right now (guys as well)..IT KILLS me, but I have to bite the bullet and give her space. Only THEN can she begin to miss you and see how you take her seriously and respect her. That is KEY.

[TWIS7ER]

Yeah I started that other post because I was just thinking about it and I didn't really feel that it would get many responses in this thread because My story has been too long for people to even be interested in reading.

 

I so much thank "doyathink" because she is about the only person that took an interest in reading my post and sticking with it. She has been a great help. I really wished my first post wasn't so long so I could get other peoples experiences also, but i know once they open it up and see how long it is, they just hit the back button.

[_Jaffa_]

I read it but I don't have any advice for you except to leave her alone.

[TWIS7ER]

Thanks for reading it Jaffa, and you are right that is the only thing to do now, leave her alone and see what happens, Only 2 things can happen.

 

1) We get back together.

2) We don't and I go on with my life.

 

I know I make it sound so easy, when in fact it is really hard, because I do love her, But, I have to admit that since I got the closure from her. I am really kinda upset and a little mad, But I am learning from my past and not going to say 1 word to her to let her know I'm upset and mad.

 

Maybe I won't get her back, But at least I know by doing the NC thing, I won't hurt her with anymore words.

[leftunsaid88]

i'm probably out of line for saying this.. but you both have kids to think of.. take ur relationship a little slower... try marriage counseling to see if u still think u wana marry her.. do u really wana make a life with someone who complains about ur son getting on her nerves just because he has a mental problem... just know that jumping into a relationship like this is hard on kids no matter their age.

[TWIS7ER]

We do take care of our kids. It is really to late to take things slower now. We both know that things went way to fast and we never got a chance to really build a foundation between just me and her. We actually at this point almost 9 months in the relationship should still be learning about each other. But we can't go back now.

 

And I thought that in time that my son getting on her nerves would go away once they got to know each other, He is only 7. He does not have a mental problem he is just very high strung and always feels like everything is a competition. He is excellent in school and is great in sports. It's my fault that I haven't taken the time to get him on medication... but I guess thats because I truly feel he will out grow it.

 

At this stage where we are at now, I pretty much think that counseling for us is out of the picture, I mean she doesn't even want to be with me now let alone go through counseling.

 

Yes I know jumping into a relationship like this is hard on kids, My kids however already went through the toughest times they will ever see..they don't even have a mother in there life at all, because she is so strung up on drugs and alcohol she don't even care to see the kids. In the last 10 months, she has probably spent the total of 12 hours with them. My kids don't even speak about their mother and don't even care if they do see her..my oldest son especially.

[Scout]

And I thought that in time that my son getting on her nerves would go away once they got to know each other, He is only 7. He does not have a mental problem he is just very high strung and always feels like everything is a competition. He is excellent in school and is great in sports. It's my fault that I haven't taken the time to get him on medication... but I guess thats because I truly feel he will out grow it.

 

Not to digress from the thread, but I don't blame you for not putting him on meds! My goodness, you said he does well in school and sports, don't risk that by putting him on some meds that could make him a zombie. From what I understand about highstrung kids, routine and structure really helps. It may take a while for them to adjust to it, but eventually, it really does kind of help them focus a bit.

 

Too bad your gal isn't more understanding of this. I don't blame you for defending your son, not one bit.

[TWIS7ER]

Well I just wanted to update. It was a very lonely night in my heart. And I really am still hurting this morning, But I am getting stronger.

 

I took her boy a present and didn't even speak with her, Yeah it was hard not to even say Hello. I miss everything about her.

 

Her son thanked me, bless his heart. He then called me to think me again and I talked to him for a few minutes. I really do miss him, me and him really bonded during her and my relationship evolved. Even though I spent almost a year of his 4 years on this earth. It saddens me that as the years go by he won't even ever remember me.

 

Things are just really tough on me now and I know I will have good days and bad days. But each day I will get stronger and accept not only her as a loss, but her children as well.

 

Scout: Yes that is why I was afraid to put him on medication, because I always heard that meds come back to haunt them in the future. I think alot of it is where he has really never had a mother figure in his 7 years of life.

[Scout]

 

Scout: Yes that is why I was afraid to put him on medication, because I always heard that meds come back to haunt them in the future. I think alot of it is where he has really never had a mother figure in his 7 years of life.

 

Well luckily, he has a loving father. And keeping in mind that he has not had much of a stable, kind-hearted mother figure to date, I wouldn't settle for anything less for him. No matter how strong your feelings are for this woman, she does not appear up to the task in this department. Too bad, but your son is not going to thrive with someone who chiefly views him as irritating and annoying.

[TWIS7ER]

Its really not that she isn't up to task, I just think that I tried to push it on her way to soon to try to make us all one happy family, I now understand that she had her own 4 sons that she needed to focus on, especially with the new transition from an apartment to a home, I do not blame her at all. Yes he is irritating and annoying even to me, but I love him and I can deal with him. I have learned to live with the way he is. And I know that if me and her could have set up a foundation for ourselves before, I jumped the gun and tried to make her the mother figure to my children way before the time was right.

 

With things the way they are now. (Us never going to be together again) I guess we will never have to worry about it.

[GoingForIt_77]

Never say NEVER man. Don't be so final. Space between the two of you may change things. Allow her and yourself to have that much needed space for now and then try and reconnect in a little while. She may just need to some time to herself and to breathe. She may have gotten overwhelmed. The only way to undo that is PULL BACK for awhile with NO CONTACT man!

[TWIS7ER]

I think that I need to have the NEVER attitude though. I want to believe so much that she did Love me, But I'm just not sure if she did. The reason for me thinking that she didn't love me is because It seems like this is so easy for her. I wish I could really know how she is thinking. Whether she is so happy now, whether she is really struggling with making the final decision. I just hate not knowing....It has almost been 24 hours since I have had any contact with her. I just wonder if she is even thinking. WOW he isn't talking to me now, I didn't think he could do It? Or if she is thinking How Big of a relief it is that I'm not contacting her.

 

I really don't think she knows the way I really feel about her and I have told her so many times. I just wish she could see the way I feel through all of this without me telling her.

 

I told her I have been on this Forum and it's helping me alot, but she thinks I am making it all 1 sided. I told her that I wasn't and I wasn't saying anything bad about her, That I was making it clear that it has all been my fault that we are where we are now.

 

I wish she could just see this Post and see I really am saddened and regretful and most of all that I am totally different now and that I have changed.

 

She said people can't change in a day. To an extent that is true, I can see if I was this bad man my whole life. But I was never the cruel man that I have been before. Like stated earlier I am a caring man with a big heart, I just fell of the little red wagon and skinned my knee.