Should I do NC?

[finalcloud13]

Okay, I'll be up straight. I want to do NC. Why? Primarily as a plan to try get my ex back. If at some point during the NC I move on and let her go, then good for me, but it wasn't what I was trying to do.

 

We're both 17, seniors in high school and were planning to go to the same college. Anyhow, let me explain the reason of the breakup. It was neglect. I didn't call her and she got sad and lonely and she ended it with me. As simple as it sounds, it's complicated. She then got together with an older guy (20) very soon after, but she has been getting to know him while we were still together.

 

So here are several of questions regarding the NC. Should I do NC? The reason why is that since her reason for dumping me was that I neglected her, NC doesn't seem like it would be so effective since it's like I'm neglecting her again, and she might think that and really erase me from her thoughts.

My second question is, if I do NC, should I start it by telling her that I'm going to do NC and not to contact me unless she wants to get back together or should I start NC by mysteriously cutting contact from her one day? By the way, I don't know if this matters but this was an internet relationship; we never met each other in real life. We were together for 3 months. She has been with her new man just over 2 months. We live 8 hours apart (Los Angeles & San Francisco) and her new boyfriend is also an internet boyfriend. In terms of NC as a "making them miss you" tool, is it less effective on people you never met in real life as opposed to people you did meet in real life? Thanks in advance.

Thanks in advance.

[krnelson2]

Ellie a quick question. What is IMHO and LDR. Might help finalcloud understand this better!

[renaissancewoman101]

IMHO is In My Honest Opinion.

 

LDR is Long Distance Relationship

[renaissancewoman101]

Sorry Ellie, didnt mean to steal your answer.

[rsxguy520]

Definitely go NC reguardless of anything!!! NC will not bring nor really make your ex miss you. The best thing to do imo (in my opinion) is to move on with your life. Take a NC as a way to heal you from all your problems and mistakes from this relationship to prepare you for the next relationship with whoever it is (possibly your ex again).

[addictedblue]

whats NC?? everyone says it but its never been defined.

[finalcloud13]

Right now, the situation is that I told her some time ago that I'll always love her and try to get her back forever. That was before I found this site. I probably royally screwed things up for myself when I said that but that was some time ago, about Christmas time and now we just chat as friends.

I've decided that I'll do the NC, but I'm still undecided as to whether I should tell her that I'm going to do the NC. If I do decide to tell her, how should I say it, something kinda like this?:

 

Hey Lily,

What's up? I just wanted to say sorry for troubling you so much about the whole breakup thing. I realized these past few days talking to you that you broke up with me for a reason and that no matter how much I love you, I can't force you to love me back. I screwed up with you and this is what I deserve. And you deserve someone much better. So in an effort to let you go, I'm going to stop communicating with you. Not forever, I still want to talk with you and stuff but it's just kind of too painful right now. If it's an emergency, you can contact me but if it's nothing important, I'd prefer that you don't contact me, you'll be helping me that way =) Okay, then take care meanwhile and good luck with your new boyfriend ^.^ Bye bye Lily, and thanks!

 

-Simon =)

 

 

So, how does that sound? Please tell me any changes I should make. And by the way, I'm STILL gambling and doing this NC in an effort to get her back. I know I know, it's not what it's for, but if it fails, then maybe I'll seriously reconsider trying to get her back. Thanks.

[finalcloud13]

Hi, thanks for you help. I'm not too sure what succinct means, but by the context of it, it sounds like you're telling me to not be so detailed in the letter? I wrote it out like that all nice because I don't want to send the wrong message and seem cold and that I just want her out of my life or something like that. Also, I wanted to have a little tone of happy in the message (which is what the smilies are for) to make it look like I'm, well, not so down and also to surprise her a little that maybe she doesn't have control over me like she might have thought. Do you disagree with my logic? Specifically, what should I take out and change then? And yeah, our conversations nowadays are just about friendly random everyday stuff. Thanks for all the help.

[finalcloud13]

Someone please help me out, in order to start this NC, I need to come up with the right message to her first. Unless someone recommends doing the NC without telling her?

Maybe I should do the 'keep in contact but not too much, and look/act happy' plan. Thoughts?

[finalcloud13]

I want to do NC to try and get my ex back (though most of you tell me that NC is not for getting back together, it's still supposedly the best method for attracting an ex back) but is there any way to do the NC without running the risk of my ex forgetting about me, as in never initiating contact with me? Because right now we're friends and talk often, though I initiate conversation 80% of the time.

I don't want it to turn out where we stop talking because she thinks I don't talk to her because I don't need her, as a friend or possibly more.

[TijuanaJones]

Forget about it... I did NC for 19 days and thought it was enough... It wasnt... I was starting to talk to my ex again, but she said it was better if we were friends... no chance of reconciliation whatsoever, for the time being.

And this was a girl I thought I would marry... what a klutz! Its time to move on, hurts my ego, but I know that somewhere out there is the love of my life... same for all of you...

 

and with this post I will become a member of ENA... yeah!

[GoingForIt_77]

Man, if only you would have taken it slower with her. She would have/could have bit if you didn't push for reconciliation so fast. You had to act like that's the last thing YOU want. You can give up if you want, but I wouldn't completely just yet if I were you. There are ways man. There are ways.