Can u show your child too much love?

[v8vachon]

I have a 2 yr old daughter and I love her to pieces, i show her affection all the time with kisses and hugs.

she is a BIG TIME whiner, she whines when she gets frustrated, when she wants something, when she doesnt want something, she whines when she's bored, she whines when she's hungry and thirtsty. When she whines, I say ' SPEAK TO ME!" " TELL ME WHAT"S WRONG" " I DONT UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU WHINE."

Well my husband seems to think that I kiss and hug her too much. Is that even POSSIBLE?

By all means I do not encourage her whining by kissing and hugging her. I kiss and hug her when she is NOT whining.

But he says her whining is a longing for the affection I give her.. I'm just wondering if you agree or disagree. Can you actually give your toddler too many hugs and kisses?

[robowarrior]

To a 2 year old? nope, as for when they grow older, its important that you spoil them every once and now so that they really get the idea that their parents care for them. But not up to the point that you spoil them too much, you see its vital for kids to understand that they have to earn what they receive in life, as money doesn't grow on trees and that they see the facts as they are, and that that doesn't always go as the way they want. But that's pretty much talk for when they are more mature and ready. At this moment i think your husband is a little ,not used to it all the affection and such, i hope he isn't jealous of the kid getting all the attention. So if he goes around that tour, just say something like ' all is well, i'll bake you a pie today' hmmm sure that will make him smile again.

[flower99]

I don't think it's possible to give your child too many hugs & kisses. AS long as your just as firm as you are loving.

When she whines. Tell her to 'use her words to comminicate'. If she won't use her words, don't give her any more attention, negative or positive, until she speaks to you.

Point out to her that 'mommy & daddy use words to talk not whines. you don't see mommy whining when she's thirsty '(my finacee used that one, it seemd to work I would have never thought of it)

But honestly I don't think too many hugs or kisses can be harmful as long as it's balanced with being firm & disicipline when needed.

You're doing great, your little girl is lucky to have you.

[Mythical_Suicide]

As far as hugging and kissing, that doesn't spoil a child infact I think most parents need to hug their children more than they do I am constantly throughout the day hugging and loving on my son and we have our "cuddle time" each and every day. Its knowing when to draw the line between loving a child and letting them get away with murder that alot of parents make the mistake of. My son who will be two in March knows if he starts whining he has to sit down in our "calm down" chair until he can tell me what he wants with words. Maybe you shoudl try something like that with your daughter?.

[Ash]

We have a toddler a bit younger than yours, and when he whines it's because he's trying to communicate something he can't vocalize yet.

 

He gets tons of kisses and cuddles and in no way is that "too much" and in no way is it anything to do with the cause of his demands.

 

In fact, I think it's quite the opposite. It's far to easy to "break" a child early in life. Easy to not give them enough affection, and to reprimand too harshly when they aren't 100% easy to get along with. Those first few years are the most important developmentally in many ways.

 

Teaching your child to communicate effectively is one of the biggest things that you do as a parent. By the time they go to school, they've already learned the basics, they get those from you.

 

So, keep up with the kisses and cuddles, and at the same time as you already do encourage her to tell you what she wants either verbally, or in her actions. At the same time, don't automatically kiss and cuddle because she is whining, but give extra attention when she successfully indicates what it is she wants.

[rocio]

She whines because that's how she's learned to get her way. Don't react to her whining. I don't think it has anything to do with giving alot of attention, as long as it's given at the right time.

[Northalius]

There's no such thing as "too much love", since love isn't just mushy gushy hugs, kisses, and saying how good a kid they are all the time.

 

In love is discipline, righteous anger, compassion, truth, long-suffering and understanding. Through wisdom you'll learn when and where to apply these things, and how much to, depending on the situation.

[v8vachon]

THANK YOU ALL.. great replies.. I dont feel i can spoil her with kisses and hugs because i give them at proper times. But my husband actually thinks I kiss her too much, he says I've kissed her in 2 years more than his parents ever kissed him in his life time. If that's the case than so be it! I will be the one to spoil my child with hugs and kisses! she gets direction, discipline and even spanked when she deserves it, so i do feel there is a balance. Just not sure if it was possible at all to give too many kisses.

[Mythical_Suicide]

Sounds like maybe he was brought up in a home where affection wasn't accepted or given. I was brought up in that type of home, my parents never hugged me or loved on me or on each other so it was a big step for me but I refuse to let my child go a day without hugging and kissing him. You seem like you are an awesome mother and your child is lucky to have you as a parent Keep doing what you're doing they may be going through a phase and that is where the whining comes in.

[v8vachon]

Thank You Myth.. maybe my husband feels a little weird because he has never seen that kind of physical affection. he is affectionate but not nearly as much as I am.

[avman]

Not possible to give too many kisses to your young children. They need all the love they can get.

 

Ash is right, that 2 year olds whine and get angry and frustrated because they can't express their feelings in words just yet. They don't call it the "terrible 2's" for nothing.

 

Ash has great tips and I have nothing more to add. Follow those tips and eventually your daughter will grow out of that phase.

[v8vachon]

Thanks guys I feel much better.. and will not stop smoochin on her.. it's just the kind of mommy i am. I know someday she will be too big to smooch and squeeze.. dont blame me for wanting to take all the sugar i can before that time comes.

[hardcharger]

>too much love

I think it is definitely possible. Love is a funny thing. Love just doesn't mean that you satisfy the current needs and accept all behavior and make everything "all ok" in the present. Parenting and child raising ALL has to be done with the future in mind, how is this kid going to turn out, is he going to be able to face the cold, cruel world when he leaves the nest and is no his own. Now saying all that, the kid is only two years old, and obviouly at this age needs to feel accepted and secure in this world. That is #1 for now. Probably most of the replies above were from woman, and that is why kids need a mommy and a daddy, children need both sides of the story when growing up. Woman can tend to be too loving and accepting and guys, well, like guys are, hopefully the child is raised somewhere in between. But what do I know, my wife has totally dominated the child rearing in my house and each kid has turned out totally different.

[Ash]

Actually ... more male posters than female!! Look at the avatars (though some of the ladies posted more than once).

 

I guess that means perhaps your view on what a daddy brings to the family may not match what the rest of us seem to think.

 

Careful with those generalizations about how men and women are, some may take exception.

 

Are you suggesting that men need to not show the same depth and quantity of love than a woman does? I don't agree with that sentiment. I think it's equally as important that dad shows love as well. Some woman are loving and accepting, some aren't. Same for men. Not sure if you can draw a dividing line between the two sexes on this.

 

If you're saing kids need to be toughened up to face the real world then I agree. This can be done at the same time as heaping love on them and need not be a role fulfilled only by a dad.

[CanadianGirl]

hah! terrible 2s! I say the TRYING THREE'S are much worse! they start testing their limits towards 3 and continue until 4.

 

There is no such thing as TOO MUCH LOVE, but there is such thing as TOO LITTLE BOUNDRIES. and Im experiencing the wrath of that now ... my daughter is TERRIBLE 9 and because I've over-given to her she expects that she can tell me how to live my life and who i should be friends with, work for, etc. Smart cookie she is, but the fact of the matter is SHE'S NOT MY EQUAL and that's the stage I set up by over-giving in the beginning.

 

It was all about 'deals' and rewards for good behavior. Now, don't get me wrong she's not a spoiled little brat who screams and yells in stores to get her way ... but yes, she's a controlling girl. Why is this so bad? because she's not always going to be able to control people in this world and I am her first teacher -- because I failed to set adequate boundries to begin with, she now does not realize that there are any...and with help from therapy and school teachers/councillors, family/friends I have realized the whole mess I created by giving her TOO MANY options.

 

I was taught that kids DO require structure, boundries, limits, discipline and re-enforcement to become functioning members of society. And believe me, it probably would have been easier at 2 than 9 to set these limits because by 9 they already know HOW TO MANIPULATE YOU.....give her love and encouragement, but set the boundries early (ie/USE YOUR WORDS to ask, if she can speak, and don't react automatically to the whining because when she doesn't get the reactions she expects, the behavior will eventually change).

 

BTW: it's not about how much love, kissses, hugs, etc you give or don't give...it's about how well you re-enforce YOUR boundries to let her know they are there, and aren't meant to be changed.