Aricela Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I am so angry with my boyfriend right now. We're not living together so we were on a phone just now and talking about when I could stay over at his place this week; these are the only times we can really see each other and I really miss him during the week. My job has a different schelude and in order to get me to work on time (I don't have a car) we would have to leave his place 15 minutes earlier in the morning and he said like ''No, I'm not going to change my routine for that, you should stay over when you don't have to go to work so early (I have those days too sometimes) even though that way we could see only once a week. I feel sooo frustrated and angry, is it that hard to leave that damn 15 minutes to spend previous night together ? Anyway that's what I kind of told him too, that when he want's to keep his ''routine'' he should get used to not seeing me not that often. He didn't show much emotion. Usually he cares but now.. I feel like he doesn't care at all. Am I just being unreasonable ? Sorry for long and boring topic, mostly just needed to let it out .. :sad: Link to comment
hope123 Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 hey Currently i am in school and work a little too but i dont have that schedule where i have to be at work at 8:30..i dont know what will happen when i do have that schedule b/c my b/f and i dont live close either and when i sleep over..he drops me home before work. But when i am not sleeping over--he usually wakes up at 6:30am or so..when i sleep over--he gets up at 5:30 am...i guess he could easily say we can see each other but no sleep overs so he can sleep later but somehow our schedule turned into this..i dont see him often but he does wake up at that time so i can stay over. So i guess i should appreciate it more and ur b/f should be willing to do it to see you...just my opinion though.. See what others say =) Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 This is a great foreshadow of things to come! RUN! What a selfish jerk. If he can't adjust his routine 15 minutes for you, then he clearly does not deserve you. His lack of emotion or concern shows that he clearly does not care. I'd put the boot to this one if he can't compromise. RC Link to comment
anggrace Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 I dont think it has anything to do with his "routine". It seems that he isnt ready or doesnt want for you to stay over and is too afraid to say so. Link to comment
RayKay Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Yeah, 15 minutes is certainly NOT a big deal. If he acts like this now, how would he react if you ever DID live together or had children and had to deal with changes in routine more frequently? I think it is an excuse to be honest.... I like my routine too, as I pretty much NEED it to stay on top of things for school, training and work....but that does not mean that I am totally inflexible when it comes to making time for the people I love. If you needed him to get up three hours earlier, okay I can see that being a mild annoyance for him...but 15 minutes? When my boyfriend and I were dating, and slept over at one anothers places, we often would get up earlier to get the other to work and so on or go out of our way....and no one ever complained about it! Link to comment
Relationship Coach Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Bottom line is if he really loved you, he'd make time. RC Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted January 14, 2007 Share Posted January 14, 2007 Hi Aricela, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all: now I am sure in HIS mind, he's being completely logical and reasonable: i.e. you should only come over when you don't have to work the following day; in doing so you won't have to worry about being late for work and he won't have to change his routine. BUT as other posters have pointed out, he is being rather selfish; if he isn't willing to compromise 15 minutes from his schedule, what else won't he be willing to negotiate in the future? You say in your OP that he usually cares but he doesn't seem to be so caring now ... has something happened recently that may have prompted him to respond in this manner? If this is not the case, I too would ask you to give a serious consideration to whether or not this relationship is right for you. Take care! Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 he's complaining about 15 minutes? what a jerk! run!!!!!! yeah, RC brought up a good point, imagine what would happen if you had kids, and god forbid, you asked him to bring milk home one day from work. I don't think leaving 15 minutes earlier is a big deal, I think it is sooo tiny! what, he can't get to work 15 minutes early and check his email and get some coffee? what a jerk. yeah, if he loved you, he wouldn't mind an hour or two. this guy just sounds like... a jerk! (ok, I know I've said that 3 times already.) RUN! EDIT: Hope, your boyfriend sounds awesome! waking up at 5:30 AM to drive you to work? he sounds like a good guy. I wake up at 5:30 for nothing. maybe an airplane. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted January 15, 2007 Share Posted January 15, 2007 he's really showing you that he is not willing to compromise or be inconvenienced even one tiny bit for the sake of seeing you or maintaining the relationship... either he is totally selfish, or else he really doesn't want to see you more often and is making an excuse for it... i think you should tell him that you want a boyfriend more often than one day a week, and also, that if he can't spare that 15 minutes for you, obviously he's not that into you... you deserve better... if he won't give it to you, it's just a sign that he will always expect you to give into him, and do what he wants... that's not a relationship, that's him acting like he's the center of the universe, not a good partner. Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 18, 2007 Share Posted January 18, 2007 I would think that if a mere 15 minute deviation in his routine causes him to not want to see you... thats a problem. Either hes not checked in emotionally, ie hes not into the relationship with you, or hes just a giant jerk. Either way thats not good. Id simply stop calling him, and stop making an effort to see him, and see how he handles that. Link to comment
Joneysnai Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 -he's lazy, cares about only himself -he doesn't want u over cuz he has to get up earlier (no longer about him but about u.. remember he only cares about himself) -u r not being unreasonable, if my boyfriend told me what yours told you, i'd tell him to F off... seriously he doesn't care about u -read what i wrote again from the top Link to comment
Goblin Posted January 20, 2007 Share Posted January 20, 2007 Haha so many diff opinions. Dont let this affect you too much Aricela. 15mins can be precious to a guy too! But that 15mins depends as well. If he has lots to do in the morning then hes just being himself and being disciplined abt the routine. But if hes nothing much to do in the morning and cant even sacrifice 15mins for you in the morning....then whats gonna happen in marriage?! If he cares, he would tell you sincerely he cant do it but he would love to...and if he loves you so much at least he would make an effort to try. Its commitment I sent my gf home everytime I meet her and it takes half an hour to her place and 1 hour back to reach my doorstep. 15mins..? Link to comment
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