Getting Over Unrequited Love

[Broken_Toe]

Hi people!

 

Am suffering really bad from unrequited love with a very close friend. I am 99% certain that she does not feel the same way so I am living a perpetual nightmare!

 

Worse than that, I cannot do the usual things of NC etc as I sit next to her in class everyday and we go to exercise class together which I don't want to quit (need to lose xmas weight! ).

 

Its taking over my life its all I ever think about and it really is having a negative impact on my day to day functioning. Assignments arent getting done, i'm not looking after myself etc....

 

The cherry on top is that she has gone to a party tonite where a guy off our course who I know definitely has a crush on her will be. There's a chance she could be interested in him too. I know he's gonna make a move on her while he has this opportunity and I am so scared somethings going to happen between them.

 

I am sat here when I should be doing work worrying about going into college on monday morning and having to find out about them getting upto god knows what! It makes me feel sick to my stomach!

 

Anyway, I have finally decided I cant carry on with things this way (i don't think there's anymore songs left to write! lol!) anymore so thats where you guys come in!

 

As she is not interested can people please please please give me some advice, tips and help about how I can get over this girl and began to move on with my life for the better!

 

This truly has transcended into a mess at the moment

 

Thanks in advance,

 

BT x

[BeStrongBeHappy]

Did you actually talk to her about your feelings to make sure she doesn't want to date you? If not, then do, but if she has said she is not interested and this is torturing you, then you need to take action to stop obsessing about her, since that causes you only pain.

 

For your own sake, you may need to talk to her and tell her she is throwing you for a loop, and maybe you need to cut contact for a while (or permanently) to get a grip on your emotions so you can find someone who does want to be with you romantically.

 

You can limit your contact with her to gain a stronger emotional control over yourself. If you have to go to class with her, then don't sit next to her, sit somewhere else in the room where she is not in your line of vision, and leave immediately afterwards without approaching her. Also, can you change the times you go to the gym? just go when she's not there....

 

you also need to try to structure your time thinking about her... set aside some time morning and evening where you think about her all you want, but if you start thinking about her at some other time, tell yourself STOP! and remind yourself you have 15 minutes in the evening to think about it all you want... then gradually reduce that structured time to shorter and shorter times, until you realize you don't think about her that much at all...

 

good luck, all of us have struggled with this at some point or another... just recognize that mooning over her is not getting you any closer to comfort, companionship, fun nights out, etc. etc. it is just depressing you, so recognizing it is not possible, and longing for it is not good for you, is the first step towards putting it behind you and finding someone who is truly available to you.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the reply, very good advice!

 

The fitness class we go to is the only one of its kind and it only takes place once a week so to stop seeing her there I would have to quit the class which i really don't want to have to do.

 

If I was not to sit near her in class she would get onto this and probably would be hurt. I don't want to hurt her, she's done nothing wrong as she doesn't know how I feel and didnt force me to fall for her!

 

I suppose that beggars the fact that I need to talk to her doesn't it? I have to come up with a strategy to get over her and I probably can't implement this strategy without her noticing changes in my behaviour and being hurt.

 

If she is to get hurt (which I dont wanna do) by this I suppose it would be helped by me explaining why I was doing these things that hurt her, so she would understand, rather than just do them and have her thinking "why is he suddenly avoiding me like the plague?".

 

Talking to her terrifies me though I am not good with things like that! Whats the best way/time/place people think to do this? I really am rubbish with these types of things!

 

Thanks again, and please keep the replies coming everyone! You have no idea how much it helps!

[Dako]

I feel for you.

 

Putting her on an untouchable pedestal my help, or trying to see her as a sister. Any mind games you can muster insead of making a fool of yourself and being obvious.

 

Maybe finding another lady to think about.

 

I've been there, and it's difficult.

[Honey Pumpkin]

How do you know she doesn't feel the same way? Do you know what? I am thinking that you should ask her out. If you get knocked back, then at least you can move on. I don't think it's good to be in love with a female friend, the girls you date will hate it - *HATE IT*!! So find out, and if she can't return your feelings, then maybe chill out, and separate yourself from her. It will hurt, but you will feel that you gave it a bash...

[Broken_Toe]

I don't know for certain she doesn't feel the same, I haven't spoke to her about it, but I am really perceptive and if she felt something I would know.

 

I txt her before to see how she's feeling as she's been ill. six hours later she finally replies to tell me she still has a bad headache and that she is on the way to the party I was talking about before.

 

Dunno why she brought it up, she knows it would only upset me that she's going and I wasnt invited!

[langford]

The absolute only solution ive discovered is somebody else.

 

You think there is no way you could feel the same way about anybody else - but when you actually meet someone else who you enjoy being with as much if not more - the other person becomes much less important to your happiness.

 

This was the only thing that erased my once very strong feelings.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the replys everyone lots of good advice.

 

I know ive got to do something I can't carry on like this anymore. I have an important assignment to be working on but I can't concentrate on it as all that keeps coming into my head is whether she hooked up with that lad at the party last nite.

 

Don't know why its bothering me so much!

[Prenkle]

All you need is time and distance.

[Broken_Toe]

Thanks for the replys everyone!

 

I'm at an all time low at the moment, I feel mentally exhausted and its all because of this.

 

Without asking her I am now 99.99% certain the feelings I am having are not reciprocal. I know I havent asked her but its obvious by what she says and what she does. She has told me several times now in conversation that she is not looking for a relationship and that she has never been in the situation where she likes someone but is too afraid to do anything about it (my situation at the moment).

 

She also is spending a lot of time with one of the lads on our course BUT insists that, at this time anyway, it is friends nothing more, and she doesn't see him in "that way". I get the feeling though that she is not completely resolute to the idea that nothing more will ever come of thier realtionship in the future.

 

She did say some nice things about me today though. She had to see our tutor abouot some personal problems and apparently was banging on about how helpful and supportive I am, and how she is completely comfortable with me and how we fully understand each other. She said I'm the person she's closest too and whom she trusts the most. I don't think this means anymore than she sees me as a good friend.

 

Also, she had a massive personal problem today and I was the first, and only, person she came to for help and support so I guess thats something. Even if she doesnt see me in "that way" a suppose its nice that she does think a lot of me, and value me, in other ways (but it'll never be enough *sigh*).

 

I am sad, very sad, as this whole thing is beginning to take its toll on me. I know deep down there's no romantic future for us two but I don't know how to use this realisation and move on with my life and get over her. This is going to be soooo hard!! And it's going to hurt a LOT! And its Valentines Day soon!!! Booo!!!

 

I hope everyone else is doing better than me at the moment!

[House]

I know how you feel, don't worry... at least your girl didn't lead you on and actually do something with you whilst drunk before saying that it probably shouldn't have happened.

 

Unrequited love is one of the worst things, and depending on how close you are to the other person makes it harder and harder to let go when you know you have to... Just remember that you're not alone and there are alot of others out there who have the same problem. One day we'll all come accross that one great person who will wipe the slate clean and give is a fresh outlook on life and love. But that day could be down the track a fair way, or it could be closer than you think, there's no telling. Hold your head high and know that you're worth more than someone who doesn't love you for who you are. One day someone will come along who does, and you will love them more than you can dare to think possible.

 

Listen to the song 'Shine' by the Plain White T's, here's the lyrics:

 

You know it tears me up inside

to see the feelings that you hide

Hide inside that empty bottle

I wish you saw how great you were

I wish you saw what life was worth

You wouldn't have to hide your problems

And I don't care what you might think

I think you've had too much to drink

Can't even talk when you're this way

 

Run away, run away

But that won't make it any better

Run away, run away

And make tomorrow harder to live than today

 

There's so much out there you could miss

there's so much life out there to live

If you would just believe in yourself

You know you're better than all of this

you know you've got so much to give

But you're so afraid to give of yourself

 

There's a bright light shining inside you

it shines out through your eyes

Don't drown it away, don't be afraid, don't hide

Let it shine

 

You say you're looking for happiness

but when it comes, you run away from it

You tell yourself you don't deserve it

There's not much more that I can do now the rest is up to you

Until you love yourself, you'll never change

You'll keep on running

Until you deal with today