An Odd Conundrum

[Angstyboi]

There's this girl I've known for months now. Almost a year now. We're good friends, mess around with eachother, etc. Back in May I had a break up, and she had a break up as well so we kind of healed together. She had taken a great liking to me, until that is her ex came back and abused her mentally and physically. She told him face to face that she really wanted nothing to do with him and he attacked her. After that we didn't talk for a little, and I understood that she needed some time to herself since her ex left to another state for a little while, she was reaping in the peace. When we talked again, our friend ship resumed. As with all friendships, we've had our arguments, etc. Keep in mind, this is months later from her break up. We were talking and I had asked her if she still liked me. She responded "I do in a way. I used to really like you, then my ex did what he did and I don't know...I just really don't see myself with anyone right now". I respected her decision but reminded her that just because her ex did what he did, doesn't mean she shouldn't move on, nor am I the same person as her ex. I sat down with and she kissed me, again...and again(^_^). Taking her home, she kissed me a few other times and it reminded me of my ex when we were girlfriend and boyfriend, it just had that vibe to it. So what I'm wondering is, what do you think is with the mixed feelings and do you really think she doesn't like me the same or maybe too scared? All opinions(except idiotic ones of course) are appreciated. Thanks!

[CarnelianButterfly]

Maybe she does need to be alone, not everyone needs a partner to be happy. If she's recovering from a bad relationship, she may need a long time to feel herself again, especially if it was an abusive relationship. Best for you not to push, just support her choices and respect her space. Be considerate and show her you care and she may come around.

[Angstyboi]

Maybe she does need to be alone, not everyone needs a partner to be happy. If she's recovering from a bad relationship, she may need a long time to feel herself again, especially if it was an abusive relationship. Best for you not to push, just support her choices and respect her space. Be considerate and show her you care and she may come around.

 

Always do. Her ex did what he did, after the relationship ended. And when she told me what happened, I was there to support her. I try not to push it but the mixed signals are all too baffling.

[real2]

Rebound. Be weary.

[Angstyboi]

Rebound. Be weary.

 

I've considered that. But it's very obvious when a girl is using you as a rebound. Some are obvious then others but it's been months and she's even moved to New York City to get away from him. She almost never talks about him, etc. I did take months verifying whether or not it is, and we still share the same spirits after all of this time. A typical rebound would have been gone by now.

[Angstyboi]

My posts usually get ignored so I appreciate that opinions I got so far. But in this case I'd like more. Anyone else?

[Alabama]

I think she just needs to heal first. She still likes you obviously, after your advice and her affection towards it. But it may damage your relationship, if you two decide to jump in one now. I suggest let her heal first, then when she's good and ready, ask her out.

[Angstyboi]

I think she just needs to heal first. She still likes you obviously, after your advice and her affection towards it. But it may damage your relationship, if you two decide to jump in one now. I suggest let her heal first, then when she's good and ready, ask her out.

 

Thank you. That's very helpful and it really does't seem I have much of a choice, not that it's a bad thing. I will wait, time erodes the shame and the fault

[Angstyboi]

Bit of an update.

 

I asked her straight out, she simply said she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, and as anticipated it's because she's scared of what may result from it(she doesn't want it leading to the way it was with her ex). I told her I'd give her space to clear her head and she thanked me. I guess I can only hope she does it for the best, with or without the decision to be with me. Does this necessarily mean she doesn't like me?

[Caterina]

I can understand that. SHE'S not ready to trust. The guy pretty much made her reevaluate whether or not she ever wants to be in a relationship. Time is the only way she will heal of this and you just need to keep being nice to her but DO NOT PRESSURE HER. Also, make yourself less available. She's not ready right now and so your presense will probably create negative associations instead of the positive ones you hope for.

[Angstyboi]

I texted her this morning saying that I was going out to the city and that sometimes I do get angry because of some things. Also that she may come out with me so we can talk and whatnot. Sadly, she responds "I don't want to talk to you again". I responded that I'll simply respect that and I'll miss her. I don't know what will become of us in the future but it's going to be a bit different without her, that's for sure. I don't know what this all means, could just be drama...I don't know. But it's a saddening turn since I do very much miss her already. This has happened before when she was getting very dramatic where we didn't talk for a little while, but she came back and said she missed me. So it kind of happened in an involuntary way. Do you think this will be a good way for her to get her head straight and she'll come back to be my friend or is this really the end?...Take into account she is going through an emotional time.