Taking things slow after getting back together

[InLoveAndWaiting]

Here is a link to my original thread, some of you may remember me. For a quick idea on my situation, read the first and last page.

 

 

 

My girlfriend and I have been back together now for almost a month, things are being taken slowly. We have not even kissed yet since we've gotten back together, I wish we would. The furthest we've gotten is hugging right now. We are getting along great though. Don't get to spend as much time together as we'd like because she is very busy with the kids after work (cheerleading practice). She seems so stressed out now because it seems like there aren't enough hrs. in the day for her, but she handles it great. If we were living together again, things would be so much easier on her because I could help out with the kids. I don't want to rush things because I know moving back in together takes time.

 

It is a little awkward being back together, not in a bad way though. This is the first time I've gone thru this so it's new territory. It's like completely starting over, but with someone you already know.

 

Has anyone gone thru this and if so, how did you feel? I don't want to rush things. Is taking things slow the best way to go here?

[robowarrior]

A relationship requires time to invest into eachother. If you don't have the time for eachother, don't initiate a relationship to begin with.

[papalazarou]

Hmm well certainly you can rush into these things..but i think robowarrior is saying that she doesnt seem to be spending much time with you and if she did then she would...

 

However on the other hand it could be a very genuine reason that she does not have the time as opposed to making excuses!

 

Its difficult because asking a question like that could make you appear clingy and needy etc etc

[shikashika]

so you had the talk that you are back togetther?

 

i'm concerned that because even though you are takign it 'slow'... you haven't even kissed her?! to me it sounds like you are just friends hanging out once in a while then... if you are going to be back together, I would think a kiss now and then would be part of that!

[papalazarou]

so you had the talk that you are back togetther?

 

i'm concerned that because even though you are takign it 'slow'... you haven't even kissed her?! to me it sounds like you are just friends hanging out once in a while then... if you are going to be back together, I would think a kiss now and then would be part of that!

 

 

 

Yep agree with this.

[InLoveAndWaiting]

I agree that it seems like we are more of just friends at this point. I don't know how slow she wants to take things but it's definitely slower than I want to, I just need to be patient I guess. She is so busy after work and on some weekends that it is hard for us to spend more time together right now. The kids do take up alot of her time. I think I am going to talk with her about it but trying to decide how to word things.

 

She was out of town this weekend with the kids for a competition so we did not spend any time together. I don't see her near future getting any less busy so I'm wondering how I fit into everything. I would love to be involved in the kids lives more and hope that I can go to some competitions with them soon. It's sad because I want to spend more time with the children than their own fathers, I love them to death. If I can't get more involved in there activities after work and on the weekends, I don't see how we can spend more time together.

 

She said she missed spending time together and wanted to spend more, but her actions are not showing that, I'm confused.

 

Any advice on this or what I should say?

[TheGetUpKid]

I'm going through a similar situation right now with me ex. We arent together but she said she wants to take things slow. But she doesnt put any effort into spending time with me.

 

The only advice I can give (everyone else has said this as well) is that actions speak louder than words.

[InLoveAndWaiting]

I realize that actions speak louder than words. She is very stressed out right now and is very busy with the kids, honestly, that has a big effect on her. She is always tired from not getting enough rest and I know she is very backed up on paying bills, which is really stressing her out.

 

I am going to say something to her and ask her about her feelings for me. I am going to ask her if she still enjoys spending time with me and where she sees "us" going in the future. I need to know if we have a future or were just friends, I am trying to put in effort but I'm getting none in return, and it's not fair.

 

Am I doing the right thing by talking to her about this?

[papalazarou]

I realize that actions speak louder than words. She is very stressed out right now and is very busy with the kids, honestly, that has a big effect on her. She is always tired from not getting enough rest and I know she is very backed up on paying bills, which is really stressing her out.

 

I am going to say something to her and ask her about her feelings for me. I am going to ask her if she still enjoys spending time with me and where she sees "us" going in the future. I need to know if we have a future or were just friends, I am trying to put in effort but I'm getting none in return, and it's not fair.

 

Am I doing the right thing by talking to her about this?

 

 

Yes without a doubt. It should be along the lines of "I am here to support you fully and I care very deeply about you, however I need to know how you feel about me".

[real_life_101]

Nope dont ask her a thing, wait it out for awhile and let her be the one to do the asking, act as if you were indifferent. If you push to hard she may run...