Stop me! RE: No contact challenge

[elithepi]

OK people, I'm starting to fold and I suck at NC and have sucked sooo badly since the break up.

I allowed myself to become so dependent on this person. I do not have anyone else to speak to.

Sorry for the bother you guys.

[stylejunkie]

I know I cant be much help as I too suck at NC, but just decided to take the challenge today myself. My only advice to you is to think about how you will feel afterward. And realize that initiating NC is the best answer to moving on.

[shikashika]

don't worry about it!

 

From my opinion and recent experience NC is not always the best option...

 

I think its harder to try and ignore the person and try not to call them .. and I actually feel better for having talked to him a bit.

 

NC isn't for everyone

[isidore]

Heck, the hardest thing to do is let go of someone you love. I can tell you I recently broke NC and I'm miserable. I was miserable before, but I'm in a whole new hellish ring of misery now.

[shikashika]

Heck, the hardest thing to do is let go of someone you love. I can tell you I recently broke NC and I'm miserable. I was miserable before, but I'm in a whole new hellish ring of misery now.

 

 

Are you more miserable because you broke NC, though.. or because of other factors?

 

I just think NC is touted so much here on ENA..and its NOt always for the best.

 

in many cases, yes... i think its so we don't say something stupid like ' I love I I love you I love you ...i can chagne really I can give me another change boo hoo sob sob"

 

but sometimes breaking it and having a good chat can take a weight off our shoulders.

[amazonqueen]

I hear you all! All I want to do is contact him. I just want to try again, you know, but he just says it's too hard. Thank God I found this forum. I am going to try to stick to NC, but I hear you all...it is so hard!!!

[elithepi]

thanks...

I did need to give her some breathing room...I'm ashamed of myself.

shikashika, I agree with you very much, I'm just freaking for having a problem KNOWING I need to chill...

But that's why I need to NC right now, I'm getting on my own nerves.

[stylejunkie]

don't worry about it!

 

From my opinion and recent experience NC is not always the best option...

 

I think its harder to try and ignore the person and try not to call them .. and I actually feel better for having talked to him a bit.

 

NC isn't for everyone

 

I am so glad to hear someone finally say this!! I just joined this forum and I belong to one other one and all everyone talks about is how NC is the best option. So I decided to try it but I'm glad that I am not the only one who may not neccesarily think its the best option.

[elithepi]

NC is best at first especially if you get panicy, but it's not forever by no means, I believe.

I got panicy and didn't NC at the start and regret not taking a step back.

NOW, I'm overcompensating. Mistake.

[annalise23]

I suppose it depends on the circumstances, but if you really want to move on with your life and get over the other person, I dont think having contact will help at all.

I broke NC today and i am paying for it now.

 

But you should do what you feel is best. If you break NC and you don't like the response, remember for next time!

[elithepi]

Cool, I got what I needed...the urge is gone!

GREAT distraction people, I love ya!

Ahhhh.

[elithepi]

We are going to be relationship wizards before it's all over with.

[shikashika]

I am so glad to hear someone finally say this!! I just joined this forum and I belong to one other one and all everyone talks about is how NC is the best option. So I decided to try it but I'm glad that I am not the only one who may not neccesarily think its the best option.

 

 

I think its a good idea to do it for a while at the start.. and it WAS a big struggle for me...(just take a look at all my threads started by me! ha ha ha/... i was a blubbering mess) but i felt that every day i would go to bed with wet eyes thinking how hard it was for me to NOT talk to my ex.

 

I'm naturally a very chatty person who knows a lot of people.

 

I think one can NEVER lose as long as they are nice and kind.... I've read here on enotalone that then your ex will see you as this or that.. but really if your ex is going to think less of you because you are civil and friendly?!!?!?

 

I actually feel much better having talked to him.. Who knows... maybe its just time as well.

 

This may sound a bit far fetched and melodramatic..l. but this is why I began thinking of breaking NC..

 

I had been talking to a friend of mine... who had found out recently that a woman she used to work with (who she couldn't stand) had.. within 3 months .. been diagnosed with throat cancer, and was know lying in the hospital with a big tube down her throat , tongue removed and about 6 weeks to live.

 

I know that sounds over the top... but i don't want to have anyone leave with me not being on speaking terms with them.

 

I'm not the kind of person who can just 'forget about things' or 'let them go'

 

Other people can do that.. and I think it can be a very good quality too, but I can't just think of my ex as someone who I never never never never talked to ever ever again.. as much as he was a silly boy for dumping me.. I can't hate him.

 

I don't think going NC with an ex neccesarily means you have a problem within and I fully understand its to help heal us as well.. but I think, too often, NC is like the word of the prophet on here... it may be wonderful for some people ( and I think beneficial for many many people, especially at first) but i think for some people (with personalities like mine!) it can be good to talk to them as well.

[elithepi]

The whole Sponge Bob cast will be up here with our avatars!

[elithepi]

Very well put....I agree. At first

[elithepi]

Had another swing.....

It came to me....

What hurts the most is the feeling of insignificance.

The relationship you had that was everything to you is insignificant to them.

[Ellie2006]

E,

 

Hope you're feeling better today.

I do agree w/ Shika that perhaps NC is *too* touted and done so indiscriminately; as Shika said, NC is not for everyone nor right for every situation.

 

I kept to NC despite many many temptations to break it; I was almost relieved when my ex broke NC. But now that it has been broken, to be honest w/ you, I can see WHY NC is so advocated by everyone here at ENA. And I am giving serious consideration to starting NC again.

 

You wrote in the post above that you are hurt most by the feeling of insignificance; if I may ask, how will continued contact w/ your ex dissipate this feeling of insignificance?? Unless the ex expresses a change of heart and wants to work things out w/ you, I do not see how communication w/ the ex will lessen the feeling of insignificance. If anything, there's always the danger of this feeling intensifying as a result of contact w/ the ex, IMHO.

 

E, hang in there.

 

Just my two cents worth but breaking NC may perhaps bring you momentary happiness. But sometimes, it can accompany long-term negative ramifications that you could've done without.

 

Take care.

[papalazarou]

Are you more miserable because you broke NC, though.. or because of other factors?

 

I just think NC is touted so much here on ENA..and its NOt always for the best.

 

in many cases, yes... i think its so we don't say something stupid like ' I love I I love you I love you ...i can chagne really I can give me another change boo hoo sob sob"

 

but sometimes breaking it and having a good chat can take a weight off our shoulders.

 

 

Hmm yes I would agree...but remember NC is for you, so you can heal. It is not a tactic to win someone back. But weirdly it does help, probably because you are not around so much anymore and once healed you are in a position of "I dont know if I actually want you back".

 

By staying in contact you may hear something you dont want like "leave me alone" or worse "Im dating someone else". If you can handle that then by all means stay in contact. But I guarantee your self esteem will take one hell of a beating!