Do you go through the grieving process when you're dumped?

[whatsagirltodo]

I have so much going on in my life - I went to my grandpap's funeral on Friday and I thought I was doing well. I've lost people before - people that were closer to me than him, so I'm pretty good with dealing with the grieving process.

 

However I thought I was doing good with dealing with my boyfriend leaving me. I'm not. I dream about him every single night. Good dreams that we're together and everything's perfect. It sucks to wake up. My biggest thing though is that I can't sleep. I didn't fall asleep until like 3am.

 

I never experienced insomnia like this when dealing with a loss - maybe because it's a different kind of loss?

 

I thought i would be dealing with losing my grandpap, but i seem to be having more trouble dealing with losing my BF. I guess maybe because i know that my ex is still out there not wanting to be with me - when the people that have passed away i know went to a better place.... ?

 

Is it normal to grieve the loss of my bf even worse than I'm grieving the loss of my own grandfather?

[robowarrior]

Its normal, i cried more over the death of my cat then my grandma. The reason? Exactly what you mentioned, what a person means to you IS the determining factor of how much you are bothered by something.

 

But i think you shouldn't go into a relationship expecting things to work out to begin with just because it is your 'case' that its about. Reality is that a guy can pack his bags and leave anyday.

 

And although you can always love your ex, you have to understand that you are at a dead end road, and should turn your car and head back to the mainway of life and move on into something that can bear fruit.

[Lady Bugg]

First of all...sorry to hear about your Grandfather. I know it's hard dealing with this loss.

 

As for your question, I have heard that getting over a breakup IS harder than losing a loved one to death (unless it's suicide) because the deceased

didn't actually CHOOSE it. The person leaving us did...and knowing that they chose to leave us and is making a conscious choice to NOT be with us....THAT

is painful. I know it sounds morbid but sometimes it's best to consider the person who left as dead....perhaps it would make it easier to accept?

Hope things get better for you soon....

[betrayedgirl]

First, I'm sorry about your grandpa.

 

Hmmm.. yes this is normal. We all grieve when we break up with someone especially when we are dumpees.

 

Grieving for someone who is dead is different because we know we will never see them again while on earth, and they are in a better place and we will see them again when we die and go to heaven.

 

Grieving for someone who dumped us... it could be hard on us because we know they have moved on with their lives, being happy (or not) and we could run into them again.. it's like why have they moved on while we are still grieving, hurting over the pain?

 

Hope this makes sense. I don't wish death on the dumpers, though, but grieving with deceased loved ones is different.

It's hard to explain, though ... I have thought to myself (many years ago) .. i would be ok if Michael was dead, etc.... because that kind of grieving is better.

 

UGH break ups sucks! Sorry about that.

[Lady Bugg]

I wanted to add...that the rate of homicides by ex spouses....or ex lovers might be an indication of this. You read all the time where an ex husband/or b/f or ex wife commits murder because they can't bear to see their ex'es with another person if THEY can't have them. It's sad...but true.

[sophie274]

Hey

 

I'm sorry about that bad chain of events. I've never broken off a serious relationship, but I'm sure it must be devastating. Are you in school? If you are, you might feel better once that starts up again and you get busy. Other than that, re: the lack of sleep, I would recommend exercise - makes you tired and produces endorphins!

 

Good luck with everything

[agualibre777]

well, i dunno how you feel exactly, but my friend who lost her father found herself clinging to her boyfriend extra hard, and even when things weren't working out she says that she always wanted to recreate what was before her father died. that he was a symbol of when things were normal and so she always found herself trying to make it work with him.

[whatsagirltodo]

I know it sounds morbid but sometimes it's best to consider the person who left as dead....perhaps it would make it easier to accept?

 

It's funny you should say that, because that's exactly what i was thinking. I mean, he lives in another city than me and even though he works close to where i live, there is VERY little chance of running into him - so that's good. I can pretend like he no longer exists - lol.

 

Thanks for all the support about my grandpap. That is hard to deal with but we weren't super-close or anything so I guess it does make sense that i'm grieving my bf more.

 

I really think my ex over reacted to what happened (if you read my past thread about our last conversation) and i did call him afterwards since i was upset about my grandpap - he was nice at first but once i calmed down he turned it back into a fight about what I said to him - and once again i think he over reacted, but regardless of whether or not he over reacted the fact is i did hurt his feelings - and I would never want to do that.

 

I wrote him a page and a half letter trying to let him know my intentions about everything and that he needs help (i think he's bipolar, not just depressed) I tried to be as nice as possible and let him know that his family and friends are trying to help him and he's pushing them away. I emailed it to him last week and that was the last time i contacted him (and he hasn't contacted me, but there's no way i can know if he saw the email or not).

 

Everyone has been "beating around the bush" with him in trying to get him to help himself, and since he was already pissed off at me i figured i might as well tell him straight up from my perspective. ...in the nicest way possible of course, lol.

 

I know i shouldn't have wrote him, but i felt completely better - until last night. ...and then i dreamt about him and that didn't help any, lol.

[Tag]

My ex broke up with me almost a year ago now and I still grieve from time to time. You do ride the crazy train of loss and grief... or at least I did, a lot.

 

I have those kinds of dreams too. The ones where your ex is back, everything is perfect, and you couldn't feel any happier or you'd burst at the seams. Then you wake up and realise it wasn't real...

 

When my breakup was fresh I dreamed about him almost every night, and waking up from the wonderful dreams was awful. These days a lot of the dreams I have, he's still in, but in the background somewhere. He's not a main feature anymore.

 

I still have a lot of trouble falling asleep, too. 3-4-5am... I found that forcing myself to wake up before or around 9am every day helps me fall asleep earlier. So try to stay on schedule! Hopefully that's easier for you than it is for me (who wakes up at 12pm sometimes

 

 

 

 

...and about considering an ex who has left as dead. I tried that for a few months when I was having a really hard time dealing with it. It did help a little, until I saw him by accident one day.